what top red flags are important to look for in dating a man?

Question

A guy in his 30s or 40s...

Answer 1

There are so many. Pay attention to his interests and what he gets a spark in his eye about.

Keep in mind that we all come with baggage. Beware of too much talk about his car (ego), job (ego and reassurance), home (NOT with Mom), money (he is unwilling to part with it for anything), etc. Use your judgment on this one for sure.

Answer 2

how many times has he been married? if he's been married 3 or more times in the past, that's a red flag.
does he drink (or do recreational drugs) daily? or more often than you are comfortable with?
does he have children, and if he does, is he paying his child support or is he a dead beat dad? men who don't pay child support show a lack of familial responsibility.
does he have a steady work history? does he own a car or his home? you don't want to marry someone and end up being the primary bread winner when you find he was just working until he found a new meal ticket.
does he share his friends/family with you? if he keeps you away from his friends and family (not taking you to a family gathering that he attends) after you've been dating awhile, it could be a sign that he doesn't see you in his future.
is he evasive in answering small questions, like "how was your day? anything interesting?"
remember, as much as we'd like to fix the bad habits in the men we love, what we marry is what we get. we can't change them, we have to decide do we love them the way they are and are we willing to spend our lives with them? if you feel he needs to change, there's your red flag.
don't go talk to ex-wives, they'll likely only get angry and play up his faults. ask him why things didn't go well, and then see if what he says and the way he behaves fit together.

Answer 3

Well, if a woman in her 30s or 40s, she generally will have some real difficulty landing a guy anyway, but here you are...

He Must have a good job (requiring expertise and dedication).

If he is ANY KIND of "artist" this is a HUGE red flag.

HOWEVER, a creative hobby should be a HUGE plus.

If he isn't active in a church, he should respect religion.

He should speak highly of associates, friends and family.

He should ask you questions about your opinions and back-ground, if something makes you uncomfortable, just gently let him know you'd feel more comfortable talking about it later.

He should NOT be a d-e-m-o-c-r-a-t (don't you remember the 90s?).

He should have a good reason for not having settled down--i.e. extremely demanding career or military.

Answer 4

Well thats like asking what do you like to eat? Kinda personel huh? For me: Is he broke in? (another words, guys who have not been in a long term relationshipbefore 35 become inflexible if they haven't been broken in by a woman. You'll find this true!) Then is he able financially. (this is a predictor of his lifestyle now and future, cause at the age your talking about it should be a green pature.) The last thing is my personal priority and that is his christian walk,( cause their needs to be compatibility here, and a point of reference if he messes up.) Very important to me was that he had healthy out lets, sports watcher, marathon runner, chess player. I want to know where his mind hangs out. Less important but to be watched is his family. His mother should not alude to his bad habits---listen up if she does to every single word---cause men repeat behavior--so legally listen. If she says he lies in his last marriage--then your going to get that. If you don't listen your nuts cause momma knows, believe me. Especially listen if you ask any family members about his temper. Listen hard. The family is an early source of repuable info, be very open to what you see and hear. My girl friend used to check a guys bathroom cabinet and kitchen for liquor bottles, but she was a seventhday adventist--no booze. I told her she was a spy, but she seemed to get the drinkers anyway poor girl. good luck I had it, ps I prayed for the right husband.

Answer 5

the state of his apartment
His Job Status (and I'm not talking about employed or un-employed) I'm talking about what he does. a man in his 30's or 40's who still stocks grocery in shelves for a living doesn't sound like he's too motivated in life to achieve - and if he's not motivated at work, then you can bet your *** he's not motivated to make anything of himself outside of work
The way he dresses (approrpriateness, holes, rips)
The state of his bedroom
How open or closed he is about certain subjects (is he hiding something? or is he just crazy and wants you to be part of every part of his life already without really getting to know you)
how close he is to his mother/sister (any other female in his life)
how frivilous his spending habits are.
at 30 or 40, does he own a car or is he still leasing.

Answer 6

Does he have a good job? He does not have to be rich or make a lot of money but he should have a nice job. His drinking habits. He should not be going out to drink every night or even say three times a week. Maybe just once a week is all. He should be polite, nice, friendly. If he talks about himself all the time or way to much then he maybe into himself just a little. That will get old and he will more than likely want someone to wait on him hand and foot. Does he pay when you all go out? If you are one of the women who feel it is ok to split the check when you all go out that's OK. He should at lest offer to pay for your meals and entertainment. It is only right and the proper thing to do. Watch him if he talks about how much money he has, and what nice expensive things he has. If he does this then he is trying to buy your love. If you fall for him he will then assume that you fell for him because of what he has and will not treat you very good latter on in the relationship. Is he cocky or as most women say it, "has a lot of self confidence". If so then once again he is more into himself and how he feels than how you feel. That is never good. Does he make time for you, time to go out and do things together, like, movies, dinner, comedy clubs, out to a cozy bar to have a few drinks and talk? If not then I would watch out that means he is more interested in how you look than who you are and getting to know you. Make sure that you all don't have sex before you know he really likes you and cares about you. If you do, then he will think you are not a good girl and use you more as a sex buddy, than treat you like his girlfriend. If he tries to have it with you, and you say no not now. He should respect that and will be OK with that and it will not stop him from wanting to be with you and around you. See if on the weekends he asks you to be with him. If not them he may be seeing other people. He should want and ask to spend time with you on the weekends and when he has time off. Even if he is worn out, he should still want to be around you. Does he introduce you to his friends? If he has all these friends and yet he never seems to introduce you to them then that is a big red flag. He should want you to meet them and get to know them. Does he work to much, you know a workaholic type. That is always hard on a relationship. That means he cares more about his job than you or anything else and that will never change. He should show you respect and not play mind games and things like that. He should not feel the need to act all big and bad in front of you. He should be relaxed and just be who he really is. If he is acting all macho then chances are he may once again be a little into himself and feel the need to show you what a bad @ss he is. There is no reason for that. Drug use if he says he does any type of illegal drug then say to heck with him. I guarantee you he uses a lot more than what he says and he may even use a lot harder drugs than what he tells you. I know this is a long list but the thing is you want to feel him out. See how he treats you, how he acts around you, and what he says and how he says things around you. He should enjoy being with you, talking to you, spending time with you. He should have a job and I mean a real job, not flipping burgers at McDonald's. He should show you respect, courtesy. You just need to take it a little slow, and make sure he is honest with you. Watch out for little lies at first they can become bigger ones over time. Well Good luck!! =)

Answer 7

1. He has control issues, he wants to control your whole life
2. He drinks (or uses drugs or smokes or eats) to excess
3. He can't seem to hold onto a job very long
4. He has been married 7 times and he's only 31
5. He has 4 children he has to pay child support to and he hates his ex spouse.
6. He can't stand your friends or your family.

Answer 8

living at home (RED FLAG!)
internet addiction (RED FLAG!)
to much porn!!! (loser flag!)
haha you get the point..ill stop with the ()

umm to many past failed relationships or marriages


i dont know im only 21, im just trying to think of a dude i wouldnt want dating my mammaaaaa

good luck

Answer 9

Is he cheap for your date, is obnoxious or so loud that you can't get a word in edgewise, is he controlling which is the more serious one to look out for. The list goes on.

Answer 10

If you look for the bad, you'll find it.

If you look for the good, you'll find it.

I dated a girl once who kept asking what my flaws were. I dumped her in short order.

My reason: Her flaw was looking for flaws! How can anybody win if the other is constantly looking for flaws? That's no fun.