Our friend is pretty clueless, to the point that he may have simply forgotten to give us a gift or card entirely, or perhaps thought that being there (he's from out of town) to congratulate us in person was enough. It wouldn't be a question of finances for him.
It's caused a bit of a quandry, though, since we're worried he gave a gift/card that got lost the day of the wedding. We don't want to embarass him, or seem greedy, but if he gave us a gift that was lost/stolen, we'd like to find out, and also thank him properly, rather than just saying 'thanks for coming' in our thank you note.
'Just ask him' is the tack we'll need to take (subtleties don't work with him), but the question is, how? It's a touchy subject, because it's very possible he's just forgotten, and also because it inherently implies that a gift was expected.
2007-09-13 07:59:12 · 23 answers · asked by heatshear 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'd like to let him know it may have been lost so that he can cancel a cheque, if he had written one. There was no card, either, for those who are focusing on the 'gift' aspect of things, which is why I'm worried it went missing. You see what I mean about this being a touchy subject.
2007-09-13 09:20:17 · update #1
I understand where you are coming from.
I once helped to clean up after a wedding and with so many people helping too, there were some mistakes made. 3 presents lost their cards. We think some of the cards (with money or gift cards) came up gone.
One of the steel magnolias came up with the answer. When we thought that there was the possibility that someone gave a gift but it could not be identified, a statement was used.
"Although we received many wonderful gifts from both friends and family, the greatest gift of all was sharing the celebrations so many loved ones."
Then mention of a special memory shared with the person the card is addressed to.
This solved not specifying the gift and does acknowledge the presence of the person the card was addressed to.
This might make the card longer to write than the ones that you know gave something but it is worth it in the long run.
2007-09-13 08:23:09 · answer #1 · answered by msbettyboop40 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't say anything!!!! Let's say, for the sake of argument, that the gift was lost or stolen. What the heck can he do about it?? Go out and buy you another one to replace it? Call the police and report a stolen wedding gift? There's nothing he can do about it at this point, so it would only make him feel bad, and probably make him feel obligated to buy another gift to replace the first one.
Chances are good he just didn't bring a gift. Maybe he's going to send one later, or maybe he forgot entirely. In the thank you card, thank him for joining you in the joyous celebration of your marriage, and leave it at that.
Let's be honest. This seems to be the ONLY one missing, right? So, what are the chances that someone snuck in, stole ONE person's card and/or gift, and it just HAPPENED to be the gift from your friend who is "pretty clueless"?? Be realistic. There was no gift. Move on.
2007-09-13 08:44:58 · answer #2 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Why would you bring this up at all? What is your goal in asking him? If he gave a gift and it was lost, he may well feel obligated to replace it, which isn't right--he didn't lose it. If he didn't give a gift and you ask him, he'll feel awkward and put on the spot about not having gotten one. If your concern is sending a thank you note, then send a note that focuses on how happy you were that he was there. It's really rude to ask people why you didn't get a gift from them.
2007-09-13 10:14:15 · answer #3 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would leave it alone. Just send him a thank you card noting how much you appreciate him coming in from out of town for your special day. It doesn't matter if finances might not be a question for this person, the fact he paid to come in from out of town to see your special really should be a gift in itself.
I am sure you received enough wedding gifts from people who only had to worry about the gas money to drive locally to your venue.
Also, do you really want to risk destroying a friendship over him not giving you a gift card or wrapped wedding gift?
2007-09-13 08:10:11 · answer #4 · answered by tinyavenger 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Send a thank you card to thank him for attending. Technically, guests have 1 year from the date of the wedding to send a gift. Perhaps he is a slow-sender. Perhaps there's no gift. Don't ask about it at all. Just thank him for coming and be done with it. If there was a gift that you missed, he'll let you know.
There is NO polite way to blatantly ask, "Hey, why didn't we get a gift from you?" which is essentially what you're trying to say.
2007-09-13 08:16:52 · answer #5 · answered by corinne1029 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but people don't just forget to give wedding gifts. I would send the card saying "thanks for coming" and leave it like that. There are no two ways around it - if you ask, you look greedy and like you were expecting a gift. Gifts are not expected at weddings and you should not assume he gave one that was lost.
2007-09-13 08:31:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just write a note thanking him for coming and letting him know how much having him there meant to you.
To do otherwise would be really tacky.
He may well have considered his expense traveling to attend was enough of a gift.
If he is that clueless, he probably didn't get a gift or a card.
2007-09-13 08:09:49 · answer #7 · answered by maxmom 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Definitely don't ask him b/c as you say in your last line, that does imply a gift was expected. And it would seem greedy and may embarrass him.
Just send him a thank you about how delighted you and your husband are that he was able to attend. Do not mention a gift! If he *did* send one and doesn't see it mentioned in the TY note, he ask upon receiving your note if you received the gift.
2007-09-13 08:41:16 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
if he actaully gave a gift...which I highly doubt he did then its too bad so sad if it got stolen. if he wrote a cheque, its probably long cashed by now and if an actual gift was stolen then theres nothing anyone can do about it. its not like hes going to go replace it. he probably just didnt give a gift. there were people at my wedding who didnt either. I was nto about to go asking them because that implys your looking for one. just get over it and leave it alone. and if your that worried it got stolen then I suggest you start making new friends and ditching family becuase anyone who would do that is just sick.
2007-09-13 12:55:57 · answer #9 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Incurring in travelling expenses wasn't enough for you?
Get over yourself
I'm sorry to break the news to you, but there is no "polite" way to send the bill to a guest for attending your wedding. Did you send invitations or invoices?
Gifting on a wedding, although common, it's not an obligation.
2007-09-13 08:13:02 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋