My fiance and I were going over our wedding plans. We had both aggreed on 40 people max. I already scaled back my list, but now we are coming up with his list and it will put us over. When I mentioned this to him, he mentioned just getting married at the courthouse and having a recption later. I really don't want to go that route. I have considered scaling back my list more as I have some aunts, uncles, and cousins on it. My total guest count not including myself, him or the three kids is 18. He doesn't have any aunts, uncles, or cousins on his list, so according to Emily Post I shouldn't either, but that means I would only have my Matron of Honor her husband and 5 kids as I have no siblings; my grandparents are dead and my mom is not invited. Should I offer to cut my list to accomidate his even if it means having no family there except the one I am marrying into? He has not asked me to but we need to cut the guest list and they are so far away that they probally won't come..
2007-09-13 07:20:10 · 11 answers · asked by moonprincess_serenity2000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
anyway. I just don't want to turn into Bridzilla, but I still want to share my wedding with my side of the family. I like his family a lot, but I don't really know them well as we really only see them when someone gets married. Is it selfish of me to someone from my side?
2007-09-13 07:23:58 · update #1
On my list I have one aunt and two uncles (one of which I would really like to give me away), a great aunt and uncle, two cousins plus spouses and one kid besides my matron of honor's kids and her one grandkid. I would rather not cut my matron of honor's kids as I love them like my own.
2007-09-13 07:40:48 · update #2
Screw Emily Post. Invite who you want. Invite who you're close to!
2007-09-13 08:33:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, he needs to be willing to compromise. Ask him if he can cut back his list a bit. Also, remember that about 20-30% of the people you invite will decline the invitation for one reason or another. So your invite list can be slightly over 40 and you are likely to still only end up under your limit.
If you're considering trimming your own list, call the aunts and uncles you were thinking of inviting. Let them know the date and see if they're interested. If so, send them an invite. If not, say "thanks, I understand. I'll send you an invitation as a keepsake but I understand you won't be able to make it." Then you can go ahead and safely increase your invite list. Or, if the wedding is still a ways away, send a Save the Date. Some of your relatives may let you know then whether or not they'll be able to make it.
2007-09-13 07:28:34 · answer #2 · answered by corinne1029 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I too have a small immediate family (one sister here and one brother who lives out of the country, no parents) and a larger extended family that I am very close to. So I would be in the same boat if I were getting married.
So ask him why it is more important for him to have so many people there. At 40 people (including the 2 of you) each of you should be allowed to invite 18 people. Ask him to assign a number between 1-5 according to how important they are to him. Then remove everyone with a 5 and so on until it is whittled down.
Hope you are able to work this out....
2007-09-13 08:48:10 · answer #3 · answered by msbettyboop40 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Make him understand that you do not intend to leave these people from your family out of the list. Could you manage to include these people and not their children on his side AND your side. There are many weddings without children invited so it would not be anything new. If he is selfish about this, just invite the same amount of people from his side, as you invite on your side. If you do not set up some kind of barrier to his family desires, you will always regret it because it sound like they are running the show, not you and it is YOUR wedding.
2007-09-20 15:28:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't cut your list anymore. Tell him he needs to cut his list. If you do not want to go over 40 people(thats including the two of you) allow each of you to invite 19 people a piece. Just invite the ones that mean the most to you.
2007-09-21 02:08:15 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could you not just have your own children present and no others, i found when we done our initial list there was so many children so we said no children other than our own and this made room for friends. We also just invited uncles and aunties as we are not very close to our cousins, a good tip i read is only invite those who you received christmas cards from in the last year
2007-09-13 07:33:58 · answer #6 · answered by madge 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What is keeping you from inviting more people? If it is the cost then you can find ways to cut costs on several items. Cut out favors, they are unnecessary. Cut back the food choices, find low cost invitations, less expensive attire. There are plenty of money saving things that may create the ability to invite more guests. It is a special day and you want as many people as possible to share it with you.
2007-09-13 07:37:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, it is no longer all as much as you basically considering which you are the bride. you're united 2 families here, and not taking any of them into attention may well be a very undesirable first step. That stated, it fairly is unreasonable of them to verbally invite those which you do no longer even understand. clarify to them that your quantity one rule is that basically human beings you the two understand would be attending the marriage, and that those acquaintances is genuinely no longer receiving formal invites. in the event that they persist in extending verbal invites, they'll seem very stupid certainly. and don't enable your fiance stand decrease back in this one. they are HIS mom and dad, he needs to handle this. The visitor record could ideally be even, meaning that an equivalent form of travellers are on your loved ones as for his. yet it is not a tough and rapid rule. in case you have a brilliant kinfolk and your fiance has a small one, and he has a similar opinion, it fairly is genuinely acceptible so you might have greater travellers...yet no longer each and all the travellers. once you're inviting ninety and he gets 10, that isn't truthful no rely how super your loved ones is. possibly you need to indicate that his mom and dad throw a placed up-wedding ceremony reception in Sussex sometime after the marriage, and that they are able to plot it although they choose. Edit: i admire Uncle Jo's advice! in the event that they are adament on the topic of the six, ask them which different six they choose bumped off to accomodate them!
2016-10-20 00:35:57 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, here's lesson one of marriage - Compromise! you say you've already cut your list down to bare bones - has he? All you say is that his list is larger than you can afford, there's no reason yours should be the one tossed out - he needs to cut some of those people on his list too!
2007-09-13 07:29:49 · answer #9 · answered by Cory C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like half your guest list is children. How does your groom feel about an adults only event?
2007-09-13 08:26:07 · answer #10 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋