I got a voicemail from my other half on the phone saying "its an emergency, call me back ASAP." So I was on my way to a meeting and I stopped went back to my desk and called him and he says "my brother got arrested and he is facing 3 felony charges". I talked to him about it and before I hung up I said I wish you wouldn't have said it was an emergency and before I could even finish saying "because I thought our son, his daughter, him or someone was hurt" he started yelling at me and saying it is important and all kinds of stuff and then hung up on me. I text him saying don't be mad I was just saying I thought someone was injured and it wasn't really an emergency and it scared me. I said I couldn't do anything about his brother being in jail. He sent me back that all his family is important and that I never should have said that and I didn't have any idea how pissed he was. So at my break when I could talk I tried to call him twice and he wouldn't answer then at lunch I tried to...
2007-09-13 06:40:52 · 15 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
call a few times and he was sending me to voicemail. I sent him a message saying to quit being immature and talk to me. I told him I would never think, imply or say his family wasn't important. I said it is a big deal but my heart dropped thinking someone was injured. I told him he is the one who assumed that is what I meant before I could even finish what I was saying. Am I not right that it wasn't an emergency? It wasn't that suppossed to be a big deal but he put words in my mouth. What do I do? He won't even talk to me.
2007-09-13 06:43:30 · update #1
Just so you know when we actually talked I was sympathetic to the situation we talked for 10 minutes or so about it.
2007-09-13 07:11:16 · update #2
AND I didn't thumbs down anyone...I asked for opinions and that is what I want =) thanks everyone so far for helping me!
2007-09-13 07:28:46 · update #3
Sounds like something my boyfriend would do to me. It WASN'T an emergency...What can you do about your boyfriend's brother being arrested? That's his brother's stupid fault for getting in trouble and getting arrested. What, did he expect you to get all sympathetic and leave work? He was being dramatic and wanted to tell you. Of course it was important to him, but I would be mad too if someone called me frantic, telling me it was an emergency only to find out it was an actual "emergency." Especially since you have a baby and it could have been anything.
At this point, unless he brings it up again, don't say anything more to him and don't text him. Give him time to cool off. When you see him tonight see what he says and if he's still mad, explain once more tell him that's how you feel and drop it. He thought it was an emergency, you didn't. He was wrong for making it seem like something terrible happened, but it's his brother. He needs to realize that the next time something like this comes up, not to call you dramatizing the situation.
2007-09-13 07:12:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are right and should stand your ground.
His brother being arrested is NOT an emergency. An emergency is a situation where someone has been in an accident or injured in some other way or falls ill suddenly (heart attack, drowning, stroke, etc), something where family members need to gather together on very short notice.
I'm sure your man was probably shocked and panicked about it, but that still doesn't constitute an emergency, nor does it justify his losing control and bashing you. It also doesn't excuse his childish behavior when you tried to explain and patch things up.
If he starts that baloney again, I'd walk out the door and tell him when he can conduct himself like a man, you'll be glad to accept his apology!
2007-09-13 13:52:09 · answer #2 · answered by Loves the Ponies 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You were both right and wrong on this. To him, his brother being arrested was the emergency.
Your reaction to this call ( in his mind ) should have sounded something like this .... OMG, what can we do to help him? Instead, he took it as if you did not give a damn about his brother.
You, on the other hand, were looking at it as OMG, no one has been injured or killed.
The two of you need to sit down and discuss this matter, let him know exactly just how important everyone in yours lives are ( family that is )
2007-09-13 13:57:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In this situation, both of you are right for different reasons. So being right is not the issue you should be concerned about. He is being defensive right now probably because he realizes he is blowing things out of proportion or because he wanted you to hop on the dramatic wagon with him and you didn't. Your response to this was sensible. Just let it drop and be support, as I know you will, of his feelings. Try to calm him down tonight without causing a fight. Tell him it's going to be okay, you'll all do what you can for his brother, yada, yada, yada. Don't let family come between you. Just don't let your husband make any rash decisions, like using your savings, for bail or legal fees if the brother has no way of paying you back and it would cause problems for you guys. An option would be for the whole family to chip in or the brother's savings, which hopefully he has.
2007-09-13 13:56:34 · answer #4 · answered by gma 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your mind was on your immediate family and danger. His mind was spinning because his brother is facing a VERY LIFE CHANGING circumstance. From the sounds of his response, he must be very close to, and love his brother very much. It was an emergency to him, and maybe he was just hurt by the fact that you didn't see it as such.
It probably seemed, by your response, that it wasn't very important.....which to him it may be as traumatic as if it were happening to himself.
Keep apologizing, and try to be more sympathetic. If not for the brother.....than atleast to the feelings and emotions about it that the man you love has.
2007-09-13 14:38:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So which is more important to you, being right or being in a mutually respected marriage?
It sounds like your "other half" was very upset about his brother and needed very badly to talk to you about it. He felt it was an emergency, and when you returned his call, you did not have any sympathy or reciprocate in any way, just wanting to argue about semantics.
Maybe you should decide whether being right is more important than healing some wounds..............
2007-09-13 13:57:42 · answer #6 · answered by Pixie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to down your man but it is he who is immature. He assumed he knew what you meant without really listening and knowing for sure. When he got your message that should have been the end of it. He should have understood and moved on.
Maybe he'll come around when he has a chance to calm down and realize what a jerk he was. Hope all works out good luck and God bless.
2007-09-13 13:52:06 · answer #7 · answered by Tammy K 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just pray and give him sometime he's not really upset with you. He's upset with the situation because he feels helpless. So continue apologizing and just be there for him. He'll probably never admit to not being upset with you because he doesn't even know himself. Just be willing to bite the bullet on this one honey knowing the truth is half the battle. Remember the old cliche that people tend to use with their children " you have to pick your battles which mainly means you can't reason with him on this one so just rest in knowing the truth about this situation.
2007-09-13 13:55:17 · answer #8 · answered by justus 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear that, your friend need to let go of his anger and be a man and listen to what you have to say. It is so sad to see you trying your best to plead with him when he is doing nothing but ignoring you. I know that you never meant to hurt him and that you really do care about him. He should let go of the anger he is feeling about the guy in jail, and focus on your friendship. I hope that all goes well. Good Luck!
2007-09-13 13:54:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You already explained yourself, not implying that his family wasn't important, etc. You're right, it's not an emergency because it wasn't a life-death situation.
2007-09-13 13:56:17 · answer #10 · answered by Alyse 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋