i really hope he doesnt see this!
i dont know how to handle the situation with him. I felt like i have known him so long. usually he is so cocky he laughs and stuff but i have pretty much given up on getting him to show any real emotion. he has never even told me that he loves me even though i know he is crazy about me like i am about him. anyway somehow the topic of rape came up and i revealed to him that i was raped when i was younger. He was like "oh" and got real quite and just acted kinda normal but wierd. 2 days went past and he was just always really quite. then he just huggd me really hard when i was making him a sandwich and i noticed his eyes were water i was like omg was wrong and he said he couldnt believe someone would do that to me because i was so nice such a caring person. i thought it was really sweet and knew for sure he really loved me but the problem is he wont do me anymore, he says he doesnt want to hurt me anymore..now what?!?!
2007-09-13 06:38:01 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he isnt blaming me sillies! he is trying to be supportive and i think its very sweet. he has been cooking dinner for me everyday now lol. i feel like he is just taking it over board i want to have sex with him again
2007-09-13 06:56:32 · update #1
explain to him there is a big difference between making love and getting raped. and you should know because you have experienced both.
2007-09-13 06:47:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure this isn't the same, but when I was 15 I told my boyfriend that I had been raped by an older man and he broke up with me. He started asking all kinds of stupid questions about whether or not I could have a disease, etc. and how he couldn't think of me having sex with another guy. I think "young" guys don't really understand how traumatizing being raped is. Maybe write him a long letter and tell him how you feel. Tell him it bothers you the way he is acting and you've suffered enough, now you need him to support you, not make you suffer anymore. Explain the difference between making love to someone you care about and being raped. Good luck, I hope everything works out. By the way, I hope you are seeing a counselor for what happened to you. I tried to block out what happened to me (more than once) and it still affects me today (I'm 38) because I never told an adult or talked about it.
2007-09-13 06:49:02 · answer #2 · answered by lisa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he sounds like a really caring guy and like a lot of men, he just cant get his head around abuse such as rape. I think you need to talk to him about how you feel about what happened to you and that when you are with him its totally different and that maybe being with him helps you to know that sex can be a beautiful caring and pleasureable experience. Its a good thing that you feel comfortable enough with him to want a full sex life, its a testiment to how great you are as a couple.
perhaps to get things started you could write him a letter about how you feel about him and what it means to you to have a loving relationship, this may be easier for him to read in private if he's shy about discussing his feelings.
good luck with what is undoubtedly going to be a difficult and heartfelt discussion and i hope it helps.
2007-09-13 06:51:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best answer to this would be to tell him how you feel, that even though you were raped when you were younger, you still want to have sex with him. Tell him that it wont hurt you or bother you to do it. he might be thinking that since you told him that fact about yourself, you were not ready to have that kind of relationship. Just explain it to him and I am sure he will come around. Also there could be a chance that he might be waiting until he is ready to do it, just talk to him.
2007-09-13 07:07:53 · answer #4 · answered by John H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That is a strange reaction from a boyfriend of four years. To tell a woman "I love you" for some men, think women will expect them to take the relationship to the next level. (what ever that is)! This might be reaching , and I hope its not the case, but, maybe your boyfriend is not in love with you. By you to tell him of the rape incident, it may have opened his heart enough to realize that he in his own way is hurting you.And that you do deserve someone in your life who does love you ! That's something a cocky ,macho personality wouldn't have the courage to say!! god bless you both
2007-09-13 07:32:40 · answer #5 · answered by david 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably doesn't want to hurt you like the other guy did you know! He does really care about you. Have a talk with him, let him know that the sex you have with him does NOT remind you of the rape. Make him feel comfortable.
2007-09-13 06:50:14 · answer #6 · answered by DrEmE 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Awww that brought a bit of tears to my eyes! What a sweetie.... just explain to him that you understand the difference between rape and making love to somebody. Let him know how it feels to be able to share the intimacy with him, and how much you enjoy expressing your love in this way. As long as he understands that you know the difference between the two forms of sexual acts, he should get comfortable with it and things will hopefully go back to the way they were before. He obviously loves you so incredibly much, you'll figure it out!
2007-09-13 06:50:05 · answer #7 · answered by Betty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is just concerned, this is BIG news for him and he is trying to be supportive, he obviously loves you very much and visa versa for you to tell him something like this, i think you should sit down and really talk to him and see how he's dealing with this info! Let me also add that sex isn't everything in a relationship, this is maybe a good thing spending time with each other with out being physical. :)
2007-09-13 06:49:35 · answer #8 · answered by sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give him time. I'm sure it was hard for you to get over when it happened to you and now he doesn't know how to react. It will probably take him a little while to accept it. Let him know that you'll answer any questions he has (if you can) or see a counselor together if he needs to. Good luck.
2007-09-13 06:47:53 · answer #9 · answered by Newly Eloped 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well first of all I want to say sorry for the accident you had and for him I would say that is a way a real man does when he loves someone that has been hurt in that way . For him not to want to have sex no more just let nature take it course
2007-09-13 06:48:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just sit him down and explain to him that although the experience was hurtful and maybe traumatizing to you that he can't compare what some animal did to you, to you and him making love. Let him know that you don't want your relationship to change because you decided to be open about your past.
2007-09-13 06:51:05 · answer #11 · answered by blickyjunk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋