My finance's parents are divoced and his Dad is a lot closer to him then his step-dad. We're having a party for close family and the wedding party just to celebrate the engadgement. The problem is my fiance wants to just invite his Dad and Mom, they are civil to eacch other expecially since the Dad never wanted a divorce and the Mom agreed they could be friends, but if we invite his step-dad we know he'll ruin the party. How can we put on the invatation just my fiance's mother is invited?
2007-09-13 06:01:18 · 17 answers · asked by Jasmine 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We have just invited the mother to parties and events plenty of times and she has shown up. It's not an option to have the step-father there at the party because all he'll do his whine and complain that we invited my fiance's dad. Growing up my fiance hardly knew his step-dad since he grew up with his Dad and saw his mom every other weekend since he was 4 and they got a divorce.
2007-09-13 06:11:26 · update #1
My fiance's step-dad is invited to the wedding and that's why we're stuck.
2007-09-13 09:49:22 · update #2
I wouldn't want someone to ruin my party like that either. I am assuming that your fiance does not want to talk to the step father about this because he isn't close enough to him to have such an honest/serious conversation. That's why I would suggest having your fiance talk to his mother about this. Ask her if she thinks it is okay to exclude the step father out of this event, if (honestly) the step father would be able to behave himself for one day, if he is going to make a huge deal out of it if he is not invited. Such questions should help her realize why you have decided to exclude the step father from the event. And hopefully make this easier on everyone. His feeling may get hurt. This is a big time...try to understand where he is coming from too...if he does want to be there.
2007-09-13 07:51:10 · answer #1 · answered by betney109 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats not fair to the mother with not inviting her husband. I actually find that to be disrespectful. I am going to be dealing with my fiances father and step-mother at our wedding along with his mother and step-father. I've been told by my fiance that if we invite his mother then his father more than likely won't show. You know what? Then thats too bad. Its about my fiance and I coming together as one. They can for once put their differences aside and be happy for us and with us on our day. If anything? Have a talk with the step father and explain how he feels. Don't make it to the point where the mom is invited and the man she loves and respects isn't. Look down the road. If this were your child, how would that make you feel. I know that a "normal" mother would always choose her child first, but the child is raised. When is it her time to be happy and complete with her spouse. I'm sorry, I don't mean for this to offend you. That just breaks my heart that the mother can't celebrate the love of her son with the love in her life. Good luck and take care.
2007-09-20 06:26:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole thing is, you do was you wish to do. Despite what anyone else says you should.
In reality and proper is to invite the step dad as he is "family" due to marrying his mother. He is a "package" now with your fiance's mother.
Now, you stated she was invited to other events with out him. That is a personal choice and no one has a right to bash.
If the step dad is known to whine, bicker and complain, simply discuss this with the step dad it WILL NOT be tolerated at the wedding. He might after all decide not to go. But it would be a shame that your fiance's mother will take offense to this event of the step dad not going. Don't want her to not show up or cause a scene either.
Honestly, I find it best to envite him, but be strict in person on a follow up (discussion of the invites) that all will be left "at the door when entering" and guest will be asked to leave if they do not respect the groom/bride's wishes.
Other than that, only way to "word it" is simply, "To Fiance's mom" which I find is abit rude and mean (might cause a fight or bicker). But, that is all up to you both.
2007-09-13 07:49:58 · answer #3 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd do the same as you have for your other parties. Or simply go to her and tell her you only want her there. I have this problem with my family- my parents are divorced, my grandparents are divorced- and there is a nasty dislike because my grandfather slept with the babysitter, and later married her.... so my real grandmother can't stand to be around my step grandmother. And honestly, it's not fair to them to have them all together- I feel. It's uncomfortable for everyone involved. So what we do for b-day parties is have seperate parties for our son. This way there is no tension, and we all have a good time and enjoy one another. My mom however, caused a scene last year saying she'd mail her own grandson's presents to us because we were deciding to have seperate parties. SO I gave in, had one party, and oh we will NEVER do that again! Do what you need to make everyone feel comfortable, and - you can even have a seperate party wtih your fiance's Mom and step Dad so they don't feel left out! Or do something smaller with them like go to dinner, something like that.
Good luck!
2007-09-13 07:10:13 · answer #4 · answered by m930 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not much of a way to get around it. I would invite him, put some close trusted friends who know the situation with him. Let them run interference, if he is not on his best behavior, then you step in and ask mom to take him away. Do not put your fiance in the middle, and I am sure you can get someone to sit and keep up with step dad.
2007-09-20 07:05:19 · answer #5 · answered by mamatucker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Surely not even this jerk will question why your fiance's father would be invited to his own son's engagement celebration. The Mom is surely aware of the situation and your fiance should have a frank talk with her. You have upcoming events that will include your whole family (rehearsal, wedding, etc) so this is something to tackle NOW. Either he learns to be a grown up or he can stay home.
2007-09-13 06:22:38 · answer #6 · answered by eli_star 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They all need to be invited. If the step father is left out it will cause problems for your mother and this pattern will probably continue in the future. They are all adults and they all need to be civil for your sake. If you are worried about your step fathers behavior because he has acted out in the past you need to talk to him. He also needs to be told that if he does not behave you will not have him ruin your special occasions and that he will be removed and left out in the future. Do not let any of them ruin your happy occasions. Being closer to the father has no relevance here. He is his mothers husband. Don't punish the guy because the father never wanted the divorce. If she wanted a divorce she would have done it with or without him.
2007-09-13 06:18:34 · answer #7 · answered by kim h 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am in the same exact situation, but worse. My fiance's parents divorced when he was 16 and his dad left his mom for another woman...now my fiance's step-mother. Needless to say, his mom hates his step-mother and vice-versa; as well as the rest of her family and they are not afraid to say so. But I am determined to have EVERYONE at the rehearsal dinner and at the very least the ceremony because it is the right thing to do and they all have the right to be proud of their son/step-son on his wedding day. I plan to sit them all down together at a dinner (in public, no scenes) and discuss the situation. I will tell them that they are all welcome to come, but I expect them to all be on their best behavior...if not for us, then at the very least for their spouses. And if they cannot uphold our request, then they will not be allowed to join us at the reception. I think that's fair. And why have them ruin the whole day if that's what it comes to?? I intend to fully enjoy my reception with no arguements/disagreements or dirty looks. I suggest you try the same.
2007-09-13 06:25:55 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. June 6th, 2009 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Thats not straightforward to the mummy without longer inviting her husband. i in my view come across that to be disrespectful. i would be dealing with my fiances father and step-mom at our wedding ceremony ceremony which includes his mom and step-father. i've got have been given been cautioned by capacity of using my fiance that if we invite his mom then his father extra desirable appropriate than likely won't practice. you be attentive to what? Then thats too undesirable. Its approximately my fiance and that i coming on the comparable time as one. they might for as without postpone as located their transformations aside and be happy for us and with us on our day. If some thing? Have a verbal replace with the step father and make sparkling how he feels. do not make it to the element the region the mummy is invited and the guy she loves and respects isn't. look down the line. If this have been your toddler, how might that make you experience. i comprehend that a "known" mom might consistently opt for her toddler first, however the teen is raised. collectively as is it her time to be happy and complete which includes her substantial diverse. i'm sorry, i don't advise for this to offend you. that only breaks my heart that the mummy won't have the capacity to rejoice the affection of her son with the affection in her existence. reliable success and take care.
2016-10-10 12:26:39 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth is that the step father should be invited. It is really going to put his mother in an awkward position. I think your fiance should talk to him about why he doesn't want to invite him and she should let the step father know or make up whatever excuse she wants too about it.
Just know, if you don't include the step father, his mother may not come either.
2007-09-13 06:06:36 · answer #10 · answered by wondermom 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋