Yesterday I took my 15 month old son to the park. First time I have in a while. My son was playing with a little girl who was about 2 yrs old her mom was ofcourse considerably younger then myself (Im 36) and she asked me "Do you have other children". I paused and changed the subject. The reason why I changed the subject is because on labor day of this yr my daughter passed away. She was 14yrs old and the light of my life the reason for 13 yrs that I woke up in the morning and the reason for every breath I took my world revolved around her (her brother was born 13yrs 1 month 15 days after her). 3 yrs ago my daughter was diagnosised terminally ill and was on a waiting list for a new set of lungs which we never got for her and had we got them no one knew if she'd be strong enough to undergo the transplant. Anyhow she beat all the odds from 12-03 until labor day of this yr and I was and AM so proud of her. On the thursday prior to labor day I found her unconcious and not breathing w spit
2007-09-13 05:40:41 · 15 answers · asked by texas_angel_wattitude 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
coming out of her mouth and she would not wake up EMS rushed her to the hospital where it was determined through blood work she had suffered a seizure (which she had no history of) she never regained conciouness. I had her transfered to a larger hospital where an EEG could be performed on her and on Saturday (again prior to labor day) the EEG revealed little brain function. At that time I told my daughter "if your ready to go you can" on sunday a 2nd eeg and nerological exam revealed she had NO brain stem function and was deemed brain dead. I did the hardest thing a parent had to do, I signed papers to allow them to shut off the machines and allow her body to die but before they did this I had her organs donated. Its been a week and a half somedays it feels like forever other days it feels like yesterday. How do I tell people my son is not my only child in my eyes he is NOT an only child I have 2 children one living and one that has her wings. How do I not get angry when ppl ask...
2007-09-13 05:44:20 · update #1
"what was your daughters name" because my daughter HAS a name just because she is deceased does not mean she doesnt have a name its the same name she had her entire life...Please dont be rude and do not tell me I need counseling because I have delt w her death Ive known for yrs her life would be shorter then most peoples and Im honestly "okay" that she chose to stop fighting since she'd been fighting most of her life. I just dont know how to address peoples questions any advice?
2007-09-13 05:45:53 · update #2
I am so sorry for your loss. You do have 2 children and you can just say that and if they ask how old the other child is you just say she is 13 yrs older than your son. Your grief is such a long process. I commend you for having the strenghth to make the decision to donate. I believe so much in the organ donation program and I wish there were more that did so maybe your daughter could have beat her illness. Stay strong and enjoy your son and your memories that you can share with him of his big sister.
2007-09-13 05:52:31 · answer #1 · answered by mpaz1966 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can relate only on a level of it was my younger brother. I am 22yrs old I have a 28yr old sister and a 20yr old brother and one whom would have been 18yrs old. He died when he was only 4-5 weeks old. People ask how many siblings I have, and I tell them I have 3. an older sister, 2 younger brothers, and one which is an angel whom is watching over us. I still include him. I love him, and I always will. I may have been very young when he passed, but he is my family and he even died on Valentines Day. (which is very hard to celebrate) So my husband and I celebrate it a week later. (he had a rare heart condition, which I am sure now a days he could have been saved) I am so sorry about your lose. I know its hard. And try not to get back at people. They dont know what you went through and I am sure they would feel bad if you lashed out at them. But they would be very understanding if they did know... I wish you all the best and happiness in the world, and may God Bless you and your family.
2007-09-13 05:51:23 · answer #2 · answered by determined for baby #1 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine what you are going through. It is terrible that your family has suffered this monumental loss. No parent should have to deal with the loss of a child. I am truly sorry for the tragic loss of your daughter.
As far as how to handle it when people ask you questions like you mentioned. I can understand it being hard to answer. I would automatically break down in tears at the very mention of it.
Answer the questions honestly, with the intent of letting folks know they had better cherish every waking moment with their children. I personally can't wait for mine to get home from school after reading your question to give them a huge hug.
Again I am sorry for the loss of your daughter and I hope and pray for your family. I hope you have a good support system and plenty of people to talk to and help you through this. If not, add @yahoo.com to my screen name and I would be more than happy to just be someone to listen.
2007-09-13 06:05:32 · answer #3 · answered by haley_cb 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for you I can't even imagine losing a child it has to be the hardest thing in the world. As for people asking you it will be a common question and I think that maybe this is just something that you are not ready to talk about. I thank you for sharing your daughters story with us, I also think you answered the question best when you said said your daughter has wings. I am so sorry for your lose and wish you the best of luck!
2007-09-13 05:54:38 · answer #4 · answered by skyler 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The woman at the park was only trying to strike up a conversation with you. She would have had absolutely no idea what a can of worms she would have opened by asking you if you had more children. Answer, don't answer - it's up to you. You could just tell them yes and move on, or you can tell them your whole life story. But you have to remember that people who ask aren't psychic and its not a cruel question to ask. I'm sorry what you and your daughter went through - it is a terrible loss.
2007-09-13 05:53:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i cant blame you for getting angry with people asking if you have any other kids, but remember that people dont know about your daughter till you tell them. as for asking what was her name, i dont think people phrase it like that to be inconsiderate, im a guilty party to that, as its something i have asked before. Explain to people, like you have here that you have two children, one with wings, and when people ask what her name was, correct them by saying "her name IS....." etc. I can only sympethise with you, I wouldnt have a clue how it feels to lose a child, prepared, or unprepared, the pain must be unbearable at times. Im sure, however your daughter had a little brother, and being a big sister, Ill bet she doted on him, and still does, from pastures new, and she would want you to be strong for him. Take it day by day, stay strong, as im sure your daughter was (and still is, see ive just done it.(saying was)) sent with much love to a very brave lady/mum xx
2007-09-13 05:56:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
first off, i'm so sorry for your lost.words can't express feelings over a child who's passed away. i have a 29 month old daughter but before her i had a miscarriage and a still birth. so i sort of understand where you're coming from. when people ask me if my daughter is an only child i tell them yes here on earth. but she has 2 other siblings that have passed on. i hope and pray that time will heal your wounds.
2007-09-13 05:58:14 · answer #7 · answered by Miss. Know It All 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for your loss..=(( but here's the thing, you don't have to tell anyone else if you had another child if your not ready to. They should get the picture when you change the subject. But try not to get upset if they do ask I know its hard but they don't know what happened. I'm sorry that you lost your daughter :(
2007-09-13 05:53:01 · answer #8 · answered by Eli 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your loss. I don't have any experiance like yours, the best I can say is just to tell the truth. Just say she passed on. If it is too hard to tell details you don't have to tell them everything ( I am proud of you for writting it out in your question). As you said you are proud of her so why not tell people about her and how strong she was. Don't worry about being rude it is your family and your life.
2007-09-14 11:05:41 · answer #9 · answered by Lexie J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are angry with the situation, not the question asked. It is not a rude question in anyway. When asked take a deep breath and simply offer your daughter's story. Every time you recount her life and circumstances to anyone, you are healing. You are in fact giving the gift of her existance to everyone who asks. Share her wonderful memory. Especially to her brother as he get older. And keep writing.
2007-09-13 06:11:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋