I am getting married in June 2008. My fiance has five kids (4,6,9,11) and I have two (2 months and 20 months) and I have a 13 (almost 14) year old niece living with me and am fighting for custody of my 3 year old niece. and when we get married my 2 month old will 11 months and my fiance said he wants to atleast have one child with me. I think it's a great idea because we both have great jobs and my job is a job at home so I won't have to worry about matiernaty leave, BUT my soon-to-be-mother-in-law is being a real big pain saying "Oh so you want to live in a house with 9 kids and still expect to live a normal life?" I'm 28 my fiance is 29 1/2, how do we get her to shut up about nagging us about wanting another kid. We are very wealthy and we don't need her smart comments.
2007-09-13 05:32:12 · 20 answers · asked by Jasmine 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The 11 year olds are twins.
2007-09-13 05:37:43 · update #1
The reason we want another kid is because since we're so young we want our lives to be filed with joy and happiness with each other-AND kids. We could have 18 kids and not care.
2007-09-13 05:44:52 · update #2
It's not like we call her everyday and tell her every single detial of our lives. She was over 1 night for coffee and I brought it up.
2007-09-13 05:55:37 · update #3
We're moving in together in December and we both have our own buisnesses.
2007-09-13 06:17:17 · update #4
It's your choice, not hers. If you feel confident enough to raise another kid, then it's up to you. Just ignore any and all comments from her. Do not react. Sooner or later she will stop. And if you are doing a great job as parents, sooner or later she will see that.
2007-09-13 05:39:47 · answer #1 · answered by Amy P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're putting the cart before the horse- you are arguing with a not yet MIL over a baby you think you want now, and you aren't even married yet. Are you even living together? I think you need to see how the two families "blend" and give the kids time to adjust before you even THINK about adding another child to the mix. Having financial security is wonderful, but no guarantee of anything, and jobs can disappear at the drop of a hat. I say do what's in your heart, and if push come to shove, if she doesn't let up after you ignore her, her son should tactfully take her aside and advise her it's not her concern.
And even if your job is at home, with all those kids running around, maternity leave might be something you really need!
It'll be hard to focus on anything unless you have a nanny, housekeeper, etc.......
2007-09-13 05:58:40 · answer #2 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but I need to ask this.... if you have a 2 month old and a 20 month old, that aren't his - how long have you known this guy to already be engaged and thinking of more kids? Like someone else asked where's the Mother(s) to all of his kids that he started having at age 18?
Something else here bothers me... you make it sound like because you 'are very wealthy' that you should be above your future Mother In Law being able to comment on the life of her son. Take it from a not so wealthy commoner - family usually make comments out of concern for all parties in the situation and they can sometimes see things more clearly than those in it. Step back and REALLY look at your lives - something is out of whack.
2007-09-13 06:18:38 · answer #3 · answered by Cory C 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
She'll get over it, this is your life and i think it is a great idea for you to have a child together to complete your family- if you couldn't afford it then i can understand but since you can then go for it. Just don't bring it up again with her till you say "guess what were prego" and i bet grandma will be one of the first ones in line to buy new baby clothes :) Just keep God first and the rest will fall into place :)
2007-09-13 06:43:33 · answer #4 · answered by sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well there are more crazy folks out there! we had 4 of our own then took in our 2 nephews when my husband's sister liked drugs better than kids-that makes 6-then kids always attrack more kids there were a couple of kids that hung around our place alot who had literally no place else -----we took them in too adopted them n'everything! we felt once there was one might as well be more! the minute you become pregnant with new child i think granny will change a bit-or i would hope. maybe just be polite and thank her for her advice for now. just cuz she couldn't imagine house w/ 9 kids doesn't mean your imagination isn't better or whatever go for it. all our kids are grown now-even one 3yr old grand son! we've been married 30 plus yrs! BEST OF LUCK WISH YOU LONG and HAPPY LIFE!
2007-09-13 05:57:55 · answer #5 · answered by kurvantidevidasi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off you may be taking it the wrong way. Each child is another human being that is dependent upon you for about twenty years. Each child is different and has different needs and wants. Each child deserves time and equal love. She may just want to have you make sure you know what you are doing and in for. You also don't want to make "grandma" angry or resentful for you need her in your and the kids lives. Tell her "Thank you for her concerns but you and your husband know what you want and you hope she will love this child as much as the other grandkids."
2007-09-13 05:47:34 · answer #6 · answered by Mark S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
there is a good artwork to being on top of problems with your person existence devoid of being grotesque or uncaring of the thoughts of those around you. the element to bear in mind is that your destiny substantial different's mom isn't likely away each time quickly, and direct disagreement may well be hurtful no longer just to her, yet on your fiance besides. international family members is pronounced as for. until eventually she's the only paying each and all of the charges, she can't administration how the marriage is going to any substantial volume. especially plenty all she will do is propose, in spite of if the concepts are couched in stressful words. whilst she makes those concepts, thank her for her enter with a grin and then make the alternative you may make. do no longer purely close your ears, the two, because of the fact someplace alongside the line she would make a tenet this is fairly useful and it would be a shame in case you have been so frightened of her interference which you neglected listening to an excellent thought. If there's a element of the marriage you somewhat do no longer care that plenty approximately, however, this is politic to place her in can charge of it or to take a tenet on a element that doesn't count plenty to you. the significant element to bear in mind is which you and your fiance are in can charge, and all very final judgements could be as much as you. as quickly as you're shelter in that know-how, this is incredible how much less annoying that's to pay attention human beings inform you techniques issues 'have' to be, and how plenty extra trouble-free this is going to become to throw somebody a bone. one element, however, if she's fairly desperate to intrude and have issues her very own way, talk on your distributors and make useful that any alterations, cancellations, or added amenities could be cleared by you or your fiance individually. this is fairly uncommon, yet i've got heard of a pair circumstances the place interfering mothers, fathers, or siblings have taken it upon themselves to make substantial alterations interior the amenities gotten smaller for by the bride and groom. So, don't be a doormat, don't be rude, and don't purely close her out until eventually there is unquestionably no incorrect thank you to hold your wedding ceremony your way. And if it comprises shutting her out, you will extra suitable make darn useful your fiance is on a similar website as you, and which you confront her as a united couple. in case you bypass to her and tell her to stay out, she will blame each and every thing on you. this is extra sturdy to do if her son is the only doing lots of the speaking.
2016-10-04 12:24:48 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I count 10: his 5, your 2 plus 2 nieces; the future baby.
Of course, it's not 10 in diapers, which might do you in!
Try not to let it bother you; what do you care what she thinks?
Refuse to discuss it. Say something bland every time she brings it up.
"No." would be my answer. After all, what do you care if your life is "normal" or not?
"Do you expect to live a normal life?"
"No. (I expect to live MY life.)"
"Actually, we're looking forward to the madness."
Mostly, just let her rant, then change the subject. After all, she can't stop you, can she?
I suppose if she really gets to you you could quietly and sadly say something like "I'm sorry to hear you don't want another grandchild. I hope you won't hold it against him or her."
2007-09-13 07:47:57 · answer #8 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is fantastic that both of you want to have another kid.
The fact of the matter is that it doesn't matter if I or anyone else thinks that you should have another child. Including the MIL. Have your man talk to her if you think that she needs to talk to someone. It is not your job/duty/responibility to confront her about this. It should not be her concern if the two are financially stable and want another child. I wouldn't bring it up around her anymore. If she goes out of her way to bring it up have something prepared to say to her. Something to the effect that you and (husband to be name here) have talked it over, and we believe that it will enrich our lives that much more. I would hope that you want us to have enriched happy lives and support us in the decisions that we make together!
2007-09-13 07:32:07 · answer #9 · answered by betney109 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For now tell her your focusing on the wedding, and then after the families are combined and everyone is settling in, the two of you will revisit the issue. Then when the both of you are ready, don't tell her anything until you are pregnant. Then what's done is done.
If at this point she is still making comments, your husband should talk to her privatly about her comments and tell her that they are not wanted nor appreciated.
Best of Luck!!
2007-09-13 06:00:29 · answer #10 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋