How do I console someone who has recently had an abortion against her heart and belief?

Question

I work in a very high-stress environment and our company demads a lot from us. My co-worker and I were hired at this company and we work at one of the international branches. Anyway, admist of all the adjusting to a new country and starting fresh in the company -- my co-worker found out that she was pregnant. Despite her background from the Bible belt, she chose to have an abortion due to pressure from family and fear of bringing up a child in an environment she has no idea about. Now, she is going through a series of bad luck -- such as, nearly burning her apartment down (it wasn't even a fire -- just a burned mark from an unattended candle), falling down, etc. Well, I don't know how to console her and I would love all suggestions. She desperately wanted to keep the baby, but knew it just wasn't the right time. I'm not too sure how I would have handled it...but I would just love all advice on how to console my co-worker.

We were both hired together, so when we were in the process of moving to our new branch (Myself from Virginia and she from South Carolina), we touched base a lot. When we came over, we were in the new employee orientation together and we found out during our health check for our foreign residency. It was a rough week for her and I felt horrible when I couldn't get permission to get her from the hospital because she had taken a sick day.

Answer 1

If there is time for sex there is time for the consequences. She has made a terrible mistake, but not one that can't be forgiven. Just be a friend and let her know you care what happens to her.

Answer 2

Dear Luvdaisy,

Your friend must be very lucky having you as her friend and confidant. What she needs now is your presence to assure her that everything will soon be fine with her. She must be in the process of grieving for a loss of a precious one, and maybe sort of hatred for her situation, being pressured by parents. What was done, is done and life must go on. Encourage her to be start a new beginning after being sorry for what she has done. If She is a catholic Christian, she needs sacramental confession from a priest who has the faculty to absolve a reserve sin, if she is a christian, then her pastor might help her find peace of mind. One thing you should tell her is the truth that no matter how big a sin is, it can never outsize the greatness of God's mercy and forgiveness. First she has to learn to forgive herself for what had happened, tell her it was not her fault, she was a victim of a situation, it it should never happen again... Good luck dear friend, may God be with you as you accompany your friend in this struggle.

Answer 3

What a good friend you are!!!
Your friend has a right to grieve her loss. It is never an easy decision to end the life of a baby. We all have souls, and she will see her baby in Heaven.
God still loves her, and He understands many things. It is not the unforgivable sin--the unforgivable sin is if we stand in the Synagogue of Satan and do not allow the Holy Spirit to speak through us.
Your friend is grieving and is feeling guilty. She is going to have to work through her feelings. That is why she is a little more careless right now. Do some fun things with her--take her to a movie or out to a concert or out dancing. Only time can heal her, but don't allow her to wallow in her misery.
I was in a terrible accident, and I was two weeks pregnant at the time. I could not recuperate, and I could not carry and give birth to the child. He was a little boy. He would be a man now. I will see him in Heaven, and he is with our Father in Heaven. My back was permanently injured, and I had no choice.

Good luck and may God bless you and your friend.
P.S. Please share my answer with her..

Answer 4

There are actually two things you can do.

First, be there to listen to her. Let her know that you are there to listen and to comfort her if she wants to open up about the grief and guilt she feels. Help her to get these feelings out and help her to work through them.

Second, give her opportunities for distraction. Do fun things together. Go to the movies or dinner out. Give her a gift certificate to a day spa for heavy-duty pampering. Sometimes, we are all too much with our problems and we need a break.

Encourage her also to take care of herself. Make sure she's eating well and getting enough rest.

Any kind of loss we experience can become a permanent wound that never fully closes and that haunts us for the rest of our lives...or it can be another milestone in our passage through life. As soon as she can reframe the experience and her role in it, she'll find a much more positive way of understanding it and of moving past it.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, all you can really do is be available to her when she needs you and consolation. There is nothing physical you can do, no words you can really say that will make her pain disappear immediately.The best thing you can do for her is to reassure her that the desicion she made was for the best, reinforce it and keep her from falling into a place of guilt or regret...that would be the absolute best thing you could do for her. Abortion is difficult to deal with sometimes and occasionally takes months before the woman starts experiencing all of the emotional effects.

Answer 6

A psychologist would be comforting and if there was a more serious issue, they could recommend someone else. I don't think they prescribe any medication and he/she is still a doctor. I think psychologists can only give therapy and psychiatrists are the ones who can prescribe medication. You don't have to be mentally deranged to see one-kinda like you don't have to have cancer to see a family doctor.
But, if not, I would suggest to keep reminding her of what she will have to offer a child when she has a more stable situation. Try to keep it positive. After all, laughter is supposed to be the best medicine!

Answer 7

The only thing that will heal her pain are time and the support of good friends. It sounds like you're already doing all you can. Just stay as strong as you can for her, and maybe reassure her that we all make mistakes and bad choices sometimes. But if it can't be changed, there's no reason to live in regret. Just learn from the mistake and become wiser for it.

Answer 8

Let her know that life will go on, to have her next child be born into happier, more stable circumstances, to not let other people dictate her life for her and decide her beliefs, and to, above, not to let all of this bother her too much. That child lost may have had a miserable life, and have caused her more additional stress in the long run. The kid barely felt a thing, and was spared a life of pain and sorrow like she is feeling now.

Answer 9

Rather than being the easy way out, abortion can compound one’s difficulties. At the very least, it goes against the grain of our inward sense of right and wrong—the conscience that God implanted in humankind. (Romans 2:15) Furthermore, abortion requires a young woman to shut the door of her tender compassions upon the tiny life developing within her. (Compare 1 John 3:17.) How demoralizing!

Marta says: “It wasn’t until a couple of weeks had gone by [after the abortion] that I began to feel guilty and kind of ashamed of what I’d done.” Things got even tougher when February rolled around—the month in which the baby would have been born. Eliasa reflects: “Fifteen years ago I had an abortion. Following that, I suffered serious depression and had to be treated in a clinic a number of times. I even wanted to commit suicide.”

Anyone who erred in the past and aborted an unborn life need not conclude that all is lost. Such ones can be confident that Jehovah supports repentant wrongdoers and ‘forgives in a large way.’ (Isaiah 55:7) While the emotional scars may linger, the psalmist assures: “As far off as the sunrise is from the sunset, so far off from us he has put our transgressions.”—Psalm 103:12.

Answer 10

the only thing you can do is be there for her. give her a shoulder to cry on, an ear to talk off. maybe even find a support group for her in your area. she needs support, and she needs to be reminded that it was the right choice for her at that time and she will know when the time is right to become a mother.

Answer 11

First of all she didn't desperately want the baby if she was willing to murder it. Her circumstances, although difficult, did not warrant such an action. The good news is that there is forgiveness. There are counseling services I can recommend to you if you're interested. If you look for Catholic organizations online I'm sure you'll find something. Whatever you do, do not go to planned parenthood. At the risk of sounding more fanatical than I already have with my first sentence, planned parenthood is a totally unethical organization that I would not associate myself with at any cost.

God bless