Do guys who get mail order brides from abroad honestly think these women love them?

Question

I know that a lot of guys from the US seek mail order brides from places like Russia and various parts of Asia. More often than not, these women are just looking for a ticket to the US. Are some of these guys so delusional that they actually think that these women are marrying them, because they LOVE them?

Answer 1

dxt7339 and Glad Day both make fantastic points on reality.

I will add that prior to 2002, it was relatively easy to get what most people call "a mail order bride". That is no longer possible, and it is an exceptionally long process to bring a woman to the US from overseas.

dxt7339 knows what I speak of - the actual process of obtaining a visa to bring a woman to the US is long and complicated, and it was made this way on purpose, to eliminate two people quickly jumping into a marriage. It allows two people to get beyond what the US considers that "for a little while" and know each other's true feelings.

The "mail order bride" view is obsolete, and quite honestly it is a remnant of the 1990's.

"More often than not" is an ignorant view. We hear more of the failed trys than the successful ones simply because the failures feed our desires to prove our bias'. It is the same human nature that causes us to pay attention to the 1 plane crash a year out of the 1000's a day that fly from A to B safely.

Can we say, based on what we see, that "more often than not" planes crash before arrival?

Answer 2

I'm not certain that love is a high priority for either the man or the woman in these marriages. People have married through the centuries for motives other than love: making a good economic team is a motive foremost in the minds of our ancestors when seeking a partner in marriage. I personally honor these reasons, especially when I look around and see that in our culture of love-driven unions, our divorce rate tells us our system is a sham.

But love often follows where there is respect, even when it might not have been the main reason for a union.

There are many motives at work. Some are traditional: man seeking beauty and woman seeking financial security. Russian women are known for their beauty and American men for their comparatively great wealth. On the surface I think these unions serve these traditional motives. There are other factors that are important in these unions however, the most important being the language barrier and cultural differences. I believe many of these unions falter as a result these two challenges.

Men seeking traditional women abroad is perhaps one result of American feminism. Or perhaps it's just a fleeting result of the Soviet Union losing the Cold War as when women of conquered nations are taken by men of victorious nations.

Hope you find love, and a good relationship!

Answer 3

Lol...I'm willing to go out a big limb(haha) and say mail order marriage rates are about the same as for the traditional route. Fact of the matter is women in the America are looking for the same things, these women are security, stability etc. If this is something you want to pursue, then do it.

Answer 4

Certainly, there are some women that are looking for a ticket to the US. But I can tell you that you can not generalize that ALL of the women are looking for this. I have been married for 1 year to my wonderful, loving Russian wife. There is not hint that she only married me for a ticket to the US. She had much more to lose that I, in her making the move to the US. She had a great job, that she loved and made good money. But she was missing love in her life and that is what she wanted to find. In Russia the good men are already married and there is not much supply of good men. So it is difficult for Russian women to find loving husbands in Russia. Alcohol is a big problem with the men in Russia, but beside that there are 12 million more women than men in Russia. This is due in a large part to all the loss of men in war.

I was very cautious in my courtship of my Russian wife as I was aware of the possibility of less that honorable motives. We spent 2 years getting to know each other with much letters, phone callsw and my visiting her in her home and in other countries. My first year with her here in the US has been absolutely wonderful and there is no question that her love for me is genuine.

I also know several Russian women that married men in the US and it is the men who were abusive and exploited these women that were looking for love and a better life.

As I have already stated, there are women that will exploit this kind of situation, but there are plenty of US women that will do the same. After my first marriage, I had similar concerns dating US women as with the Russian women.

Answer 5

Another good one Doc. Sorry "they" are so persnikity. (Captain, we have detected a strange like form with no sense of humor!) Have they no idea how many lives yours, and Pavarotti's, and even the Snow Kid's jokes have saved? I suffer from severe depression, and I know a number of other stressed out, depressed, "Gee I'd to get out of this stupid existence" people... But, for some weird reason, I hang around.... in great part... to see what insane thing you will come up with next.... They ought to give you a medal (Comrade Y|A First Class!) instead of a deletion! Hang in there Doc! A star for you and: Remember: "Vive le Hamster! Vive le Dr. Hamster Libre!" (That's the Canadian version!) The Klingon is, of course: "Humor is a dish best served cold!" (Quaplah!) Or as my uncle Fidel used to say: "Dee Doctore, he is dee Hamster, of dee people! He is Honorarie Cooban! He is dee Humore!" In Arizona, we had a saying: "The man who walks a mile in his moccasins, while reading the Witty Hamster's jokes, will have an easy mile, and a happy smile!" Someday doc, you will get an email from someone. It will have gone around the world. It will have saved 6.02*10^23 lives. The email will contain a joke, with the signature: "y/a dr debop witty hamster 2.0" It was sent to someone in Pennsylvania, and someone in California. They Fwd it. It was sent to a dozen people in Canada, they Fwd it too. One American, named George, did not Fwd it. He had a horrible war as a consequence! (Sorry!) A man in Eastern Europe got the joke, he Fwd it. He laughed. Later that day he won a $5 bet in a bar that he could tell a good joke. A man in Asia did not Fwd it. He did not recall it. He went to a bar and did not win a $5 bet. (Bummer!) (I guess you can all see where this would lead!!!) So if you get an email of one of doc's jokes, then Fwd it to a friend who needs a laugh. Then that joke will circumnavigate the world. Nothing bad will happen to you if you do not Fwd it. But one person less may laugh. Something good may happen if you Fwd it. But then again, nothing may happen! Earth awaits, the proud birth of: Dr. Bebop, Witty Hamster Extraordinaire, Ver.3! Stay tuned to this y/a channel - Hamster Fans! Quick, Robin! To the Joke Mobile! (I'm 52, give me a break, senility is approaching me at Warp 7!) In hamster years, I'm older than Yoda! And remember Luke... The Laughter of the Hamster is with you always!

Answer 6

I don't know. Do the men seeking mail-order brids actually love the wives they select, or do they want someone compliant and subservient?

I'm sure there are exceptions, if what the other commenter said is true, but from what I've read, many of these marriages are not happy ones. And it makes me wonder what is wrong that these guys can't find love in their own country.

Answer 7

Love can be faked for a little while.... and that companionship is enough for some people to "convince" themselves it's real... for at least as long as it's needed.

So yes, some of them believe this.... others are just hoping for some legal prostitution... and still others are just saying "Hey.. I'd like to have someone around... they want to be in the US.. it's a win/win"