How many of you would "settle" for something thats just OK in a relationship, because of circumstances? How many of you would NOT settle, because they want to have that TRUE LOVE? I settled, and now I am doubting my choice... should I have waited it out for my one true , or did I make the right choice because there is NO such thing as TRUE LOVE?
2007-09-13 04:26:16 · 13 answers · asked by c_leoo 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am settleing for living together, paying bills etc... but not for selfish reasons... Just that there seems to be noone out there thats isnt just looking for more than a quickie!!
2007-09-13 05:48:38 · update #1
This is a little awkward.
If by "settle" you mean settle down together and "set up house" and do the things couples do, but you arn't really happy, you don't really love them, and you think your choosing second best, then you have to get out of this relationship otherwise you are going to spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been, and thats no way to live.
Now if what you mean by your question is, I do love him but I want to see if there is anything better out there for me....thats when you start to get problems. Because you don't know what you have got until its gone. And if you love him, you should stay with him.
My partner is 29 years older than me and when I first started seeing him I wondered about all the things I would miss out on, but then I realised that I truly loved and still do love him, and now my ideal Saturday night is a takeaway with Who wants to be a millionaire on TV and a cuddle on the sofa!!!
(we are both consenting adults, I'm 21, he's 49!)
Get some therapy if you feel you need it. Or hey, why not email me?! I'm known as an agony aunt where I live, questions are always welcome!!!
2007-09-13 04:40:56 · answer #1 · answered by sweet_steph27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I sometimes feel the same way. My friends were all shocked when they found out I was getting married. I'm the type that loves that "new" feeling and tends to get bored. I really do love my husband, don't get me wrong. I just wish some things were different. I am the type that loves affection and romance. He showed those things in the beginning but it seems like it all ended as soon as we said "I do". Every time I bring it up he tells me that is not his type and he's not good at being romantic. I sometimes daydream about true love and wander if it's really out there. I have to remind myself that he's a very good guy, a great dad, and the best friend I could ask for. No one is perfect and if I were to find someone else who had the qualities I miss now, they would be lacking something else. Don't settle for just OK, but don't live in a dream world either.
2007-09-13 12:51:35 · answer #2 · answered by Nina Lee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. Settling, or not getting the whole story in advance cost me almost 7 years of my life more or less wasted, followed by a divorce.
Keep in mind though that any relationship requires work and time to maintain, there are ups and downs, even if you are with the most wonderful love of your life. Make sure the person you choose or have chosen to be with not only makes your heart skip a beat but is also your treasured friend, somebody who will do anything for you and you would do anything for them. You want stability and love and caring, not just the infatuation of starting to love somebody. You also want your longterm life goals to be similar ie you both want kids, both want to travel after retirement, and neither want to convert to opposite religions, important things like that. When you disagree fullscale on things where you'd have to go separate ways to accomplish them, that person may not be 'the one'.
Seriously think about what you NEED as well as what you WANT. Make sure that all your needs are met with this person, as well as a healthy portion of your wants. It helps if you and your partner have very similar wants and needs because if you need something, you'll likely understand why they need it too, say some time alone together every day away from friends/kids or some time alone for each of you to unwind, etc.
2007-09-13 21:52:55 · answer #3 · answered by mommylicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I settled, and I ended up hurting this very sweet person when I finally did find the one. You are cheating yourself and the person you're with. Dont make that same mistake I did, because in the end you may realize that it's selfish to be w/ someone because it's safe. GL. And yes, there is true love out there and it's amazing. (we're married now)
2007-09-13 11:37:09 · answer #4 · answered by S&NFervor4Ever 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no i would not settle instead of going for the true love because the person u settle with has to be that person that u wanna spend the rest of your life with it has to be the person that you feel comfortable with and love to be around all the time and you know that they will treat you right all your life a random person won't have all those qualifications
2007-09-13 11:37:50 · answer #5 · answered by Kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never settle. I mean, what have you got if you do. However, if you have already settled, then it's too late, you should make the best of it, and love your man for who he is.
2007-09-13 11:31:47 · answer #6 · answered by wingedstrider 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i settled thought it was ok- fooled my self thinking it was true love.. got used... now not settling. i would rather be alone than stuck in a mediocore relationship. true loves out there.
2007-09-13 11:34:36 · answer #7 · answered by liljade 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would never settle. NEVER. I sought(and found) true love. U should not have settled either. I believe in true love...
2007-09-13 11:33:54 · answer #8 · answered by Dreamy™ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would settle because "true love" doesn't exist!
2007-09-13 17:08:11 · answer #9 · answered by indianacoltsgirl88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I won't settle anymore , I realized I was miserable and didn't even know it..I'm waiting for the right one..
2007-09-13 11:31:22 · answer #10 · answered by Confused 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋