Does a parent have the right to judge and critisise a child's choice of partner?

Question

Especially if the child is a mature adult?

Answer 1

In a word.....NO!

Answer 2

I don't think they have the right to "judge" and "criticise", but I think they can express concern if they think there's a legitimate problem.

Even mature adults don't always use common sense and make smart decisions when it comes to relationships. When a child becomes a mature adult, that doesn't mean their parents can't feel concerned about what they perceive as a bad personal decision.

The thing is, though, they can express their concern, but at some point, they have to realize they can't make those decisions for their adult children. Unless their child is in actual danger (physical, emotional, sexual or financial), at some point, they have to back off. They don't have to be happy about it, though.

Saying "I don't think this is a good decision for you" is not "judging". People need to get over the idea that if someone doesn't say that everything they do is just marvelous, they are being judgemental and uncaring and unsupportive and should be ignored.

Answer 3

No-one has that right - an informed adult should be allowed to make their own choices about anything in life.

That said - there are reasons why a parent might do this. Ultimately, it is down to a love and concern for their child, although it might not come across that way.

As a young child, your mother or father is responsible for everything in your life and will make the choices they think are right for you. Some parents have problems letting go of that responsibility, and this can come across as being domineering and controlling. When a child defies this, sometimes a parent will judge and criticise to try and regain some of the control they feel they have lost.

If you are in this situation, I think all you can do is be straight with your mother or father and say "Look, I have the right to make my own choices about who I want to be with, and if you contiue behaving like this, you're going to destroy any relationship you and I have".

If they carry on as they are now, you have some hard decisions to make about whether you can continue to allow this person to hurt you in their attempt to control you.

I wish you all the best - this isn't a pleasant situation to be in, I know, but you are entitled to be happy even if it isn't in the way your parents want or expect.

Answer 4

NO, unless their is something abusive or illegally going on. But if it is just judgmental and being overprotective then you are going to have to speak up. You can do it in a way that doesn't start a war. Ask your parent how they got along with their parents/in-laws when they became involved and parents. Ask them how they handled all the "advice" they received. Then use that as a platform to discuss what they are doing to you as an adult. They may not even be aware of how bad they are criticizing. Be the adult. Don't act like a child if you do not want to be treated like one. Good Luck!

Answer 5

No. But if the partner is abusive or doesn't treat the child right, then the parents have the right to be unhappy about their child's choice. If you are the child, then I would say take a good look at the relationship. Could your parents be right about your partner? If they are you should consider that they love you and want what is best for you. If they are wrong about your partner, then you should just ignore them, because it is your life and your choice.

Answer 6

I believe a parent has the right to judge and critisize, however, the consequences of that might be quite harsh. If you are the adult child and you are tired of your parents comments, then tell them so, and let them know that if they continue, you will quit taking their calls and visiting. You do not have to put up with bad behavior, that's not showing your parents respect, that's actually immature to put up with it. ON the other hand, are you sure you aren't over reacting...there is a way to handle these things diplomatically....if your partner is bad with money, and your parent says that you need to pay attention so that you don't end up in a financial mess, that seems to me to be an acceptable comment.

Answer 7

No you can't. Basically a mature adult will have to learn from their own mistakes and you interferring will always make the situation worse. However, if you voice a quiet opinion when you are asked for it, they eventually may see something not good for themselves and hopefully put it right or end the relationship.

Answer 8

no parent has the right to judge or criticise a child's partner, they are not the ones who are spending there lives with them, its a child's choice, but parents being parents don't see an adult child, they just see their baby.

Answer 9

Not really although parents always feel they know best for their little boy or girl and will be very quick to judge anyone who they feel isn't "good enough" for their little prince/princess.

My mother in law loves nothing more than to have a good bitching session about me. If we have a row, my other half will go runing to mummy for a chat and she will btich about me until the cows come home (she's utterly charming to my face though).

And his grandmother is even worse - because I am 11 years older than him she doens't approve, has vowed never to meet me or even to have anything to do with our 9 month old son. In fact when she was told I was pregnant she said "I hope she loses it". Evil old b*tch.

Answer 10

Well parents have rights unlike any other human beings on the planet!
Everyone is entitled to an opinion - even parents. It is vile when it happens though and good parents need to bre cautious - unless they suspect there is genuine risk to their child's happiness and well being.
I wish my parnets had been more honest with me about some of the toerags I was involved with in my youth instead of waiting till we'd split to say "We always hated him and thought he was no good."

Answer 11

Absolutely NOT. You made your own mistakes, you have to allow your child to make hers/his and support your child. We each live our lives the way we think we should. Don't start trouble now; you may be the one left out of a relationship with your child. Bite back your unkind words and let it go.