How do you continue to celebrate the holidays when your parents are gone?

Question

I lost my mom this past February and I am not sure I can handle the holidays this year. It was bad enough, I lost her just before my 30th birthday, right after my daughter was born and right my mom just turned 48. I feel so sad all the time thinking about it. I cry all the time.. How do you deal with it? I don't know how to celebrate when all I am is sad.
You can say I do not have a father, he is Australia living with his family over there and has not come to USA since he left in 1996. I have two younger sisters and they are thinking the same way I am.

Last Christmas was the first Christmas my sisters, my mom, stepfather, my husband and I had together in over 4 years. I was not included in the holidays because one of my sisters and I didnt get along. I havent been around them in the recent years, and I dont want to "step up" and have my sisters think that I am replacing my mom but I do feel like that they all ought to spend it with us. I have done my own family traditions that incorporated both what my husband and I had done growing up...we have been married for almost five years. Do I throw our traditions out? Do I make new traditions that pleases everyone?
I just don't know

Answer 1

It's certainly understandable that you wouldn't want to deal with a family gathering at the holidays this year. The only concern would lie with it setting a precedent in your family and you losing annual family gatherings all together, which would be a shame for you daughter. Though it may not seem like it from your perspective now, being with your family and remembering your mom in a positive way is in the long run a better way to handle losing her so soon. Everyone has to grieve in their own way and you should but make sure you consider what the long term effects could be over decisions like this. You as the older sister unfortunately are charged in your mothers absence to take the role your family needs of you in hard times to help keep them together. I'd talk to your sisters more about the situation and maybe suggest having a very abbreviated holiday this year, maybe meeting at a hotel restaurant for dinner or having a single meal together prior or post holiday season. Definitely whether you decide to skip the holidays this year or not try to get everyone to agree to return to those gatherings the following year. Having those mass family gatherings are important for your children to have and will help them be closer with your sisters and their future families as well. I'm sorry you have had this experience at such as significant period of your life, I wish you the best. Good luck.

Answer 2

I know what your going threw, my mother passed on April 8th (easter sunday) she was 53. And my youngest was only about 2 months old at the time. I was 29 and my only sister is 27. My dad moved away a few years ago, and cant make it here for holidays either. You do the best that you can, but you have to remeber you have a little girl who needs you. Celebrate your mothers life even now. Spend the holidays with your sisters, and make the best of it for your daughter. Life goes on, even when it is hard. This is the poem the pastor read at my moms funeral I hope it helps you

"Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die."

Answer 3

Your mother raised a family and that didn't end when she did. You are the matriarch now, and its your job to carry the family in your generation. Time to be a grown up and start your own traditions. Pull out a few that you liked as a child and create your own. Remember that one day your daughter will be asking the same thing, do you want her to believe that the holidays ended because Grandma went to heaven? Your mother would never have wanted that. Life is for the living, honor your mother by doing so.

Answer 4

Well, my household does not rejoice any vacations anymore among each and every different. Why? When I was once child, my dad and mom hated each and every different and above all hated us. They blamed us for all their sorrows and consistently needed that we died. Constant beating was once a norm for us. You could consider the siblings could have caught in combination, however we simply went our possess separate course and minded our trade. I could not take it anymore so I informed my dad and mom to not ever rejoice my birthday. We stopped celebrating Christmas while I was once eight on the grounds that we hated each and every different and giving offers felt like a knife from them. There's no factor giving a individual a gift if you do not deal with them. That's correct, I hated my dad and mom. I stopped celebrating was once my birthday while I was once 10. Every yr for so long as I would do not forget, my birthday could cause a whole blown rage of my dad and mom and become with me getting kicked out. In the tip, my household made a reality not ever to rejoice any vacations in combination and we nonetheless do not to this present day. I could say comfortable birthday, however that is all... Now that I'm grown, if my baby informed me he desired to quit celebrating some thing vacation, I would not care. I do not rejoice any vacations to start with, and could best rejoice it for my kids sake, but when he does not desire it, then I'm performed.

Answer 5

Look for ways to 'include' your mother in your holiday celebrations. This is what I did:
My mom died in October. When going through her things, I found a large box of costume jewelry. I took the necklaces, earrings, etc. apart and created Christmas tree ornaments from the pieces. I then gave the ornaments to all friends and family members who I knew would appreciate them. I also kept about a dozen of the ornaments and I put them on my tree every year.

Answer 6

I also lost both my parents a couple of years ago, the best thing to do is to spend time with people that you care about and think about the good times that you had with your mother. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

I am very sorry for your loss. You and your sisters just have to lean on one another. Be close, talk often. Don't be afraid to cry on someone's shoulder. Share the memories you have with your mother with loved ones. Feel blessed to have your daughter and make sure you are there for her.