Why do women choose not to stay at home with their children?

Question

The whole "because they can't afford to stay home" is a load of crap. Like one other person said, my husband makes around $31,000 a year and we have about $25,000 in debt. We live in Houston, Texas which is cheap and I will be staying at home as soon as my baby is born in March of 2008.

It won't be easy. We will have to sacrifice. We will not be on welfare. We know that it is important for the actual parents to take care of the child.

So again I ask why do women choose not to stay at home with their children?

Money is an excuse.

Boredom or lonliness just sounds plain selfish to me.

Lol... I find it funny that someone assumed that the debt we have is from credit cards. No, it's from tuiton and a car. We didn't have are parents paying for our tuition so we do have a little of that debt left. Goodness, I couldn't imagine anyone having that much in credit card debt.

I'm not judging anyone on their decision. I just don't understand. That's why I'm asking a question on Yahoo Answers.

I don't see why everyone is so easily offended when I say that money is an excuse. It is. If you really want to stay at home with your children (excluding single parents) then you would find a way to make it work.

To the person who was curious about how we make it work on $31,000 year. We don't live above our means. We currently live in a nice 2 bdrm apartment. We have 2 cars, one of which we are about to sell. The only luxury item we buy are cell phones. We don't eat out more than 4 times a month. I cook. That's it.

To the person that asked why I didn't ask about the man staying at home. While I believe it's better for the man to be at home rather than the child in day care. I know the woman is better equipped for the job. It's the way God made us.

To Answer Girl 2007-

I find it hilarious that you assume we don't have a plan for our debt. We have spoken to a couple financial advisors at the church (who we can trust). The car will be paid off in two and a half years. The loans will be done in 3 years. I'm currently working until the baby is born so we make about $65,000 a year currently. All of the extra income is going into either savings or debt. We will be able to purchase a house within the next two years. (Not a trailer.)

I don't know where you are coming up with our debt eventually being $50K??? I won't be as I have stated.

I understand that we live in 2 different parts of the country. So I also understand you might not see how it would be possible for us to live off of such an income. I assure you we will have more than enough to pay all bills and have a little fun.

Regarding paying for the kid’s college, I don't completely understand why everyone thinks it's a necessity to pay for their college. They are adults they can pay for their own college. The time that I spend with them at home helping them study, teaching them good habits, etc. will prepare them for college and will prepare them to handle the debt they accumulate from attending college.

I want my children to know the value of education and of the dollar. I will not buy them things they can purchase on their own.

However, to those of you that are able to afford to do so for your children (without the mother working) I say kudos to you!

Answer 1

THANK YOU!!!! I have said that for years. IT'S A CHOICE PEOPLE MAKE TO STAY HOME OR NOT. I am tired of people stating they can't do it. I've always said if your cost of living is to high, SCALE DOWN, OR MOVE. Your my new hero, your placing your children, and family ahead of your financial gain.Good For you!!! At least someones got it right. People crying about your question being judgmental are afraid to face the truth.

Daycare is needed in certain situations, but it makes me sick to see a two parent working family with all the jet skies, SUV's....... Everything in life revolves around choices, seems many of the people from today, are making the wrong ones!

Answer 2

First, congratulations on being able to have the life that works best for you. It sounds like you're fortunate to live in a part of the country where living expenses are not terribly high. In the northeast and California (and some other places), there's no way you could have a 2-bedroom apartment and two cars and still eat on $30+ thousand a year.

Second, consider that some people are single moms and have no choice but to work.

Third, consider that many people want more for their kids than just scraping by ... like a college education, which, at a good school can cost in a year as much as your 1-year entire income.....

Fourth, consider that some people are in fulfilling jobs and have found high-quality care for their kids during the day. They value providing a role model for their kids that shows women having an impact in exciting and fulfilling jobs. They're also entitled to value their own happiness, and may be better parents for attending to it. While you may believe that it's important for you to be with your child (and you may be right in your case), there's tons of research about day-care for kids, and it just doesn't support any contention that high-quality day care is any worse for kids than being with their parents full-time.

Finally, are you serious about seeming so surprised that people are offended that you are calling them either liars or selfish? If you're really interested in finding answers, a little more tact would be in order....

Answer 3

Not Everyone Makes A Lot Of Money, And I Know You're PROBABLY Thinking, "Why Have Kids If You Can't Afford Them?" Right? Well, If Everyone Waited Until They Could Afford It, A Lot Of Us Would Be Childless. Anyway, I Personally Don't Stay At Home Kuz We Don't Have Enough Money Not To. It's Not An Excuse. It's A Harsh Reality To Most. My Partner And I Are 21, Both In College, Both Working, Both Have Piece Of Crap Cars, We Live In An Apartment, And We Live Paycheck By Paycheck. Working Is Needed In Our Household At The Moment.

Answer 4

I feel the same way. I have a relative that insists on working part time. Her husband makes at least 95 grand a year. I think it is a status thing with them. It's like nothing is good enough unless it was expensive or it is the newest thing. There two kids get all of the most expensive toys. It is really ridiculous to me. My husband makes about 52 grand a year and I stay at home because I want to be the one raising my children. My children love there things no matter how expensive or cheap they were. I could take my kids to the dollar store and give them each a dollar and they are so excited. We might do without things or lavish vacations but my kids will never be able to say that Mom and were never there for them because work/money was more important then them.

Answer 5

Because some women feel they are better mothers when they are able to share their other passions with their children. Some women like their careers and want their kids to understand what it's like to be career driven so that they can make a conscious choice when they're older.

My mom did not stay home with me and I'm glad she didn't. It gave me SO many more opportunities. I was able to go on amazing family vacations that I will never forget, we had breakfast and dinner together every day, and I was proud of my parents for sticking with something that made them happy. I am a teacher and I couldn't imagine giving up my job--it's something I look forward to, it's something I'm good at, and I can help more peoples' children than just my own. I don't have kids yet and I don't know if I'll stay at home or not. I feel it's a decision I will make because it's right for me and right for my family and I shouldn't be judged by stay at home or working moms for my decision.

As far as money goes, it's not a matter of not being able to afford food and clothes for their kids that most mothers have an issue with, it's not being able to take them on nice trips and to museums, the theatre, the city, and pay for the best schools. The areas with more expensive housing also have better funded public school districts, and with that comes better resources and a better draw for teachers. Translation: a better opportunity for education to have an effect on kids.

Answer 6

I'm sorry. IMO, and this has nothing to with staying home w/ your children. You are doing yourself, your children, your husband and your future a disserive by not working.

YOUR INCOME IS EQUAL TO YOUR DEBT!!!!

bad, bad, bad...........

You think staying home with your children is the best, and it might be. But, what are you really sacrificing.

Your debt is going to continue to grow at such a large amount vs. what you have coming into your family. Don't tell me you are paying ALL your debts and if you are, please don't say you pay more then the miminium

You need to think into the futrue. Eventually, when your children are bigger. That 2 bedroom apartment is NOT going to cut it.

You won't be able to buy a home with that debt to income ratio.........it's NOT going to happen.

Also, what about your children's college educations. You'll never have anything saved for them that way. You need to think about their future. In 18 years, even public college tuition is going to be close to $100,000 for 4 years. You need to start investing in your future.

Your above stated facts about income and debt are making you sound ignorant. Truthfully, staying home is not going to benefit your family in the long run.

I have a feeling when you're debt is 50K in a few years and you can't get any credit, a house or even get a car loan----you'll change your prespectives on working mothers.

In addition, I live in the Northeast. No offense, but $31,000 here is a joke. I live in a middle class town, you need at least a 50K-60K income to survive.

If you lived here, you would have to work. I recently was looking for houses for my Fi and I to buy. We don't have a lot of money, so we searched homes in 5 different towns for under $250,000. We ended up with beat up old shacks w/ 100K need in remodeling or we found some nice 1 bedroom trailors.

No offense to anyone that lives in a trailor, but I would rather be a working mother then raise my kids in a dumpy trailor.

Answer 7

Because they want to have a career and maintain some sort of independence. Not everybody wants to act like June Cleaver and no, that does not make them a bad mother. Maybe they choose NOT to say at home because they want to interact with other adults. Maybe they can't afford to stay at home. These days both people have to work to make a living. Maybe I didn't read the question correctly so please excuse me if I am out of line for saying this, but $31,000 per year is not a whole lot of money. Yes, it's more than some people make and it's probably average income but that really doesn't seem like enough money to justify the woman choosing to be a stay at home mom. I live in Fort Worth, Texas, so if you all are able to live high on the hog with just him working and making $31,000 per year let me know what your plan is. We both work and we DON'T have kids and our income together is about $75,000 per year and we still aren't living high on the hog.

I think that if a woman wants to stay home with her child then that's fine, but for those who want to remain in the workforce more power to them. It doesn't mean they're a bad person and it doesn't mean they don't love their kids.

Answer 8

Mothers work for several reasons.First of all it's a wonderfull way of exposing children to the fact that women can do anything whether its a homemaker or a construction worker according to what THEY want and they dont have to depend on anyone to provide for them which in turn creates well rounded individuals!!!I am a single mother of two going to college and working part time. While my job permits me to take my children to work with me and be at home when they arrive from school, everyone does not have that luxury and there are more single parents male and female than you may think.I have been home with my chldren 99% of their lives and couldnt imagine not having that time with them in their formative years, but I take pride in the fact that my daughters think I'm superwoman and want to be like me.Not to mention every woman is not cut out to be the "Happy Homemaker".It can make a woman like myself feel like they arent accomplishing their full potential.And a happy mommy is a better mommy married or single.

Answer 9

Because I'm a single mom. No excuse, just the facts. I worked two jobs before my baby, I must at least work one full time just to provide for myself alone. If I get married eventually then I hope things can change a bit. But for now, this is the way it is. You find someone good enough to take care of your child when you can't, and you make the best of what you have. Sometimes kids of moms who work get more deserved attention than those who are SAHMs, just because they know the effort is needed to do so. You are entitled to your own opinions - don't criticize everyone else for theirs.

Answer 10

because we dont live in the 1950's any longer Mrs. Brady. i am a sahm and im proud of it but i still defend the right of women everywhere to be working moms. what about when your child goes to school GUESS what someone else will be watching your child. while i applaud your frugality and financial planning some women are good mothers without staying at home. children benefit greatly from daycares they are exposed to different cultures and learn social skills. the reason you have to defend yourself so much after asking this question is because you are challenging other women and making it seem like you think they are bad moms. they arent so please stop being judgemental and respect the fact that they have the right to work just as you have the right to stay home.

Answer 11

I think Keevelish said it best; it's all about priorities. I know in some situations it just cant be helped (single parent, divorced, widowed, etc.) but I think a lot of the time people think they need a second income in order to buy the brand new suv or a bigger house.

I can speak from first hand experience that it's no fun being raised by a mother who put her career first by CHOICE. I am now a 40 year old woman who has a lot of resentment that my Mother always put her career first. Do I respect her accomplishments? Yes. Do I appreciate the extras her income provided? Sure. But given the choice of having more material things vs. my Mom's undivided attention, I would've chosen Mom any day of the wk. Once a child gets to a certain age, it becomes obvious to them if Mom is working by choice, not necessity. So for 8 yrs now, I have been a SAHM Mom. I have a part time job, working about 12-20 hrs a week. I get my "grown up time" through that, my husband, and friends and sure, I'd be lying if sometimes I didnt think about what it would be like to have my own career. As long as my husband has a good job (not a "power job", but a good job, that allows us to live in the middle class) I will stay at home. But again, it's all about priorities.

And again, I know in a lot of situations women HAVE to work. And in those situations, the children will grow up feeling very proud of their Mother, knowing she did whatever she needed to do in order to provide them with what they needed.

Good vibes out to all you Moms, both to those that work outside the home and to those of us who dont. :-)