Me and my boyfriend have been dating a little over a year, when we first started dating we use to spend an enormous amount of time together like 4-5 times a week, for generally the entire day. That was when we lived about 20 min. away from each other. Then in August. he moved, and is now 5 mins. away, and initially I was so excited because I thought that would bring us even closer. Yet the thing is he didn't only move closer to me, but all his friends live in that area also. So now it's like he's spending a lot of time with them as well as me, but because I was so use to getting all his attention, I realized I was jealous. So I wrote down everything about how I was feeling, about being jealous, about how he doesn't make as much of an effort with me as he use to, how because I feel so insecure now I feel psycho and obsessive etc. Then yesterday he found the letter and read it, then he’s like I was right, you want to take over all my time.
2007-09-13 03:24:56 · 10 answers · asked by Melissa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
How do I get him to want to spend more time with me, or should I just back away also, but I'm afraid if we both back away, we will grow apart. So please help> what should I do? We haven't been intimate since Sunday and I'm just scared for our relationship to fade away, if we don't make it a priority
2007-09-13 03:25:23 · update #1
He need his space. You need yours... be happy the way it is. Keep hin as your boyfriend but give him some space.
2007-09-13 03:31:24 · answer #1 · answered by Ricardo W. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi and good morning Melissa...Couples in a relationship actually need their own space at times or it can cause a complication in their relationship. You need your space and he needs his. Your first mistake was writing your thoughts in a letter instead of a diary or journal of some sort hidden from others to see. Secondly, your bf shouldn't have gone snooping unless you had left it out on purpose. Your bf isn't thinking wrong about what you had written. Now I'm not sure what you had wrote but assuming, it sounds to me as if you might have been overly possessive when it came to your bf. Don't let this behavior of yours get in the way of your relationship. You could possibly push him away. Let him have time with his friends. Your bf read what you had written and you didn't fully explain to him about your intentions or your thoughts. You should have talked to him regarding your issues instead of letting him find your letter and reading what you had wrote. Now he has the wrong idea about you and you can't blame him for your actions. Jealousy hurts relationships and I imagine you had stated that in your letter that you were jealous of his friends. That wasn't good for him to read. You need to sit down and have a calm conversation with your bf and explain to him what you had written and also tell him that you apologize. If you don't, then what he is thinking now is going to hurt your relationship and it may not heal. Good luck in your situation. Have a great day!
2007-09-13 11:07:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes backing away will make you feel more for that person. If you're always together, you don't have a chance to miss each other. It may be a positive thing he found your note. It will give him a chance to know how you feel. If he wants you to back away, then let him have some space, maybe he'll realize how much he really wants to be with you. If he doesn't then its better to now know than later on.
2007-09-13 10:35:23 · answer #3 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
wow. well, you did the right thing to wright it down, but bummer that he found it.
i feel that you should give him some space so he can spend some time with his friends. if you smother him it could be worse than just growing apart and he could come to resent you and the relationship.
i hate to be so brutal, but it happened to over half of my relationships, i finially learned what i did to scare them off. i was too clingy and thought their minds worked the same as mine, that they wanted to spend every waking moment with me, i was wrong.
of course it also depends on age, if you are still in highschool i would say that you both need to spend more time with friends and less time on dating anyway. things change alot when you get out of school. you have lots of time later to work on dates, when you don't have homework to do.
if you are out of school then i would tend to think if he read your note and still seemes interested, don't push him too much. let him come to you, even though you may want to go to him, don't scare him further away than you are now.
good luck and i hope it all works out for you.
2007-09-13 10:39:50 · answer #4 · answered by Kaareess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to let him spend time with his friends. When he goes out then you go out with your friends. Stop trying to suffocate him. The less you bother him about it the more he probably will want to spend time with you again. The more you pressure him to spend every waking moment with you the less and less he will want to.
2007-09-13 10:51:59 · answer #5 · answered by blickyjunk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he can't spend his entire life with you, he has friends and family members too, i mean i know its natural that you want all his attention but if you overdo it you're going to push him away further, just dong nag, maybe call him 2 to 3 times a week schedule something and go out
2007-09-13 10:32:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's what happens when you get too clingy and demanding. You don't have to be up each others *** all the time. Just enjoy some alone time.
2007-09-13 10:31:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
somthin's gotta give. you cant get too upset because he not just gonna leave all his friends. however, he should still be making time for you to.
2007-09-13 10:33:15 · answer #8 · answered by Flying Spagetti Monster 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh well, let him hang with the boys, they can't f him can they?
2007-09-13 10:40:52 · answer #9 · answered by beachy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give up.
2007-09-13 10:31:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋