I have been going out with this girl on 3 dates so far and we went to kind of expensive restaurants (average $120/meal for the tow of us). I have asked her out all 3 times and I have paid for all meals and at no time did she offer to pay. At some point I asked her why she going out with me and her reply was that she wants to get to know me because she thinks that I'm a great person. My concern is that she might just come out because of the free dinners and that is a problem. I mean if she would only offer to pay that would be nice - I would probably pay for her anyway.
So how should I subtly ask her to @ least offer to pay or how can I tell if she's dating me just to get free dinners?
2007-09-13 02:31:18 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
go to the movies
hang out at a park
get ice cream
go for coffee
those are pretty cheap
2007-09-13 02:36:44 · answer #1 · answered by for the pursuit of happiness 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Here's the basic manners when it comes to paying for dates. It has nothing to do with money or gender. Whoever asks for the date is expected to cover the expenses in full, or split if agreed upon before hand. Don't ask to split during the date. It shows lack of planning and is in poor taste. That doesn't mean the other shouldn't feel free to offer to split. I have been asked out and taken on dates by women on many occasions. If they haven't done this on the first date, they almost always do by the second or third. Don't do the dinner and movie thing. I'll never understand why people choose a date where they can't talk for half of it, then go to the place where men can worry about cost and women can worry about how much they eat. A good date is almost always reciprocated. For example a day at an art museum when they are playing jazz will usually lead to a second where I'm cooked a nice meal and we cozy up for a video. Never hurts to cook for them as well fellas. I have yet to find a restaraunt as close to the bedroom as my kitchen (avoid pasta and cook meat if she's not vegetarian). Show thought and planning in your dating and everything will go as it should. Same goes for giving a gift. I rarely give flowers, but I have given a stone turtle, a moss garden, a newspaper clipping, or some other thing that shows I pay attention to her interests. Flattering with money and little thought will get you something I don't really care for.
2016-05-18 05:11:07 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt she is dating you for the free dinners. But I do understand how you feel. I wouldn't want to pay all the time either. There probably is no nice way to ask her to pay, and she probably will get offended if you ask her. I say give it a few more dates (and tone it down a bit so you aren't spending so much). If she doesn't at least offer to help out, then you might want to move on from her. She may just have the mindset that the guy should pay. And some people think that whoever asks for the date should pay.
2007-09-13 02:41:12 · answer #3 · answered by Alli 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No more expensive dates. The two of you are trying to get to know each other so it really doesn't matter it takes place and long as you can talk.
You can go for a walk in the park, you can go to a free outdoor jazz festival, you can go to an outdoor boat show, you can go to the museum (it costs money to get in but it's much less than $120), or a gallery and look around. The point is that you'll be together.
As a woman, I can appreciate the fact that you offered to pay her way. That was very gallant & chivalrous of you. But that doesn't mean paying hundreds of dollars! I've heard many men complain about this on ask.men.com . They call the woman they took out "gold-diggers".
And at the same time there are guys that only take their dates to McDonalds for a Happy Meal and don't see anything unusual about that. It's like there's got to be a middle ground here. If I were a guy & I really liked somebody, I wouldn't take them to a $100 dinner, but I wouldn't want them eating Burger King, either (I wouldn't it myself), so I would spend maybe $50 on a pleasant dinner somewhere.
After that, maybe we could go sit in the park somewhere & talk & look at the sun set. OR we could go to a little corner place & have a cup of coffee for a dollar. I think I would call her to say hi & tell her that I missed seeing her. Then if she says "Do you want to get together", that would be my cue.
Technically she would've ask ME out, so if we're out & something needs to be paid for I could jokingly say, "Hey, YOU asked ME out this time!" & smiling, reach for my money. If she has any decency, she'll pay (if she can) or say "I'll get you next time", or "I'll pay for the movie."
Whatever. If she says nothing, it's time to go home. I don't think I would even finish the date. I'd make up some excuse to leave. Id think "I'm a guy but I still deserve to be wined & dined, too sometimes, and appreciated. Goodbye".
In 1996, I went on a date with a very popular basketball player for the Sacramento Kings. He paid for our movie & when he reached in his wallet to pay for our refreshments, I stopped him & said, "I'll get it. What do you want."
This man had millions of dollars & was probably used to women (& men) asking him for something & expecting him to pay for everything. But the look of surprised appreciation on his face was worth it!
2007-09-13 03:10:38 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ya know, I think this may be the beginning of a long lonely life for you. You sound pretty darn lucky to have any girl go out with you with an attitude like that. I believe that you should always pay for dinner, pump the gas, open her door, and give her your coat when she's cold, or better yet take her someplace warm and turn the heat up even though you are suffocating. There is nothing sadder than a man who wants to be thanked for fulfilling his obligation as a man. C'mon, man, guys like you are the reason for the death of chivalry.
2007-09-13 02:49:52 · answer #5 · answered by 2ndammendmentsupporter 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well technically, you are the one who is asking/inviting her out on these dates so you can't really expect her to pay.
and are you the one picking out these expensive restaurants?
well i'm a female, and i would still offer to pay esp if it were at expensive places several times. i think you can't ask her to pay, bc that will reflect poorly on you and your character.
however, you can just wait to see if she asks you, or try to get her to ask you out for a change. if she does ask you, make sure she makes all the plans, picks the places, etc. if she still doesn't pay or offer to pay, well then i would say find someone else to go out with.
2007-09-13 20:10:45 · answer #6 · answered by eMteMind 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is she picking the restaurants or are you? If you invite her out then you are offering to treat her. Ask her to go on a picnic or a hike or something that doesn't cost money and see how she reacts. If she really wants to get to know you better then it won't matter what you do or where to go. I wouldn't ask her, no matter how subtle and nice you are about it, to offer or help pay.
2007-09-13 02:39:01 · answer #7 · answered by Summer 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her straight up. I totally agree with you. The days when men were expected to pay for everything come from when women were considered unequal to men and were supposed stay at home and look after the children. The dynamic has changed now (for the better!)
Equal rights, equal pay, that means you ladies can pick up the tab now and again.
Basically if she is a gold digger who is never willing to pay for anything then let her go find some idiot who is willing to pay for it and get yourself a decent girl.
2007-09-13 02:45:16 · answer #8 · answered by regaloid 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Try spending less on dates, but still have a good time. Go do something together other than eating. Or eat lighter after doing whatever.
If she complains, then she probably dating you for the entertainment value rather than true companionship.
2007-09-13 04:10:08 · answer #9 · answered by Randall W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The main thing is to not ask her. Go on less expensive dates and she will be fine with them if she truly wants to get to know you. If she wants to go to a super-intergalactic restaurant all the time, crank out that Kanye West cd (Gold Digger).
2007-09-13 02:43:07 · answer #10 · answered by Icebox -0: Never Again 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ive had women take me out before, but i never asked them to. Thats what i love about women with their own money :D I would suggest doing somthing different. Maybe you stay in a cook a meal?
2007-09-13 02:41:35 · answer #11 · answered by Flying Spagetti Monster 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋