I don't understand people?

Question

My ex-husband sends me conflicting messages. On the one hand, he keep saying rude, nasty things to me. Then, he says that he likes my picture and feels that I am still the "right" person for him. He also says that I need to "fix" myself and until I do, he does not want to speak to me. I am undependable and unstable in his eyes.

My parents do not want me to go back to him. Yet, they are pushing me out of the house. My mom is moody and rude and difficult to deal with. She makes an issue about minor things.
She wants my help, but then pushes me out of her house.

Maybe the problem is me as my ex-husband says and I need to fix myself because I think that I am the "queen" of everything. I do try to help out where possible.

I am going through a lot of stress due to my daughter moving here, new job, etc.

Answer 1

Do you and your daughter need to be independent from all of them? If someone says they won't love unless you change, don't bother with them. They will continue to make you change until you are under their control. Anyone who imposes 'I love you if's' someone to look out for and avoid.

If you do look at yourself and see things that YOU don't like, then that is a good reason for changing. Get an independent opinion, maybe try the personality test below.

Answer 2

Just how old are you?

At first I thought I was reading the post of a very young married woman - until I got to the part that your daughter moved here, which means she's old enough to be on her own.

Here's the basics: Although from your post your husband sounds like he could be controlling, is it possible that he actually has been telling you things that are true about yourself but you don't want to hear it, so to you (Miss "Queen of Everything") it is rude and nasty. You really need to evaluate that without your emotions involved.

You sound like you need to get out on your own and grow up a little. Stop depending on others and start taking care of yourself. Life is full of choices, and you seem to like to choose the easy way out. Don't do it.... nobody grows from doing things the easy way. It takes a lot of work to grow as a person.

Your parents are correct - you shouldn't go back to him... but staying at your parents' home should only be an extremely temporary measure - you should be doing whatever it takes to get out on your own. Let them know what steps you are taking and give them a time line when they can expect you to be out of their house.

And stress is going to plague you all your life, unless you find ways of handling it better. No griping, but find a release that will work. Some people exercise to relieve stress, some people sit down with a cup of herbal tea and read a good book, others use meditation. Whatever appeals to you - use it to help de-stress in the evenings.

And good luck to you.

Answer 3

Hi and good morning....People are confusing sometimes, they say one thing but act differently. Your husband sounds like he's the one that doesn't know what he wants. It can go both ways. Your parents don't want you to go back with your husband but yet don't want you around either...lol..this is nutz. Are you the only sibling living in the house? If so this might be the reason on the change of attitude with your mom. If your parents have been living by themselves with no other kids in the house then I bet this is why your mom has this attitude problem. She is use to the living arrangements she had with your dad before you moved in. In other words a 'third wheel' so do speak. Sometimes when parents have 'rid' the kids out of their home and it's just the two of them for a period of time they adjust to the fact that there is no more kids just the two of them. They enjoy the idea. Now you left your husband and you're back living with them so it's upset their little 'applecart' so do speak. Now if you possibly think that maybe you need a change of attitude then maybe you need to consider that your attitude of being 'queen bee' needs an over haul. Maybe this is why your mother has an attitude because you have one. Look at yourself in the mirror and what do you actually see. Look at your character. If you feel that you need to change for the better then work on it. It won't change overnight but in time if you really try and are sincere enough to change then you will. If this is the problem you will start to see a change in other people as well such as your mom and possibly your ex. Stress can also place moods on individuals. It can cause depression or aggitation. It depends on the individual themselves. Try to relax when at all possible, it sounds like you have a lot going on and it's taking it's toll on you. Take each day as it comes. Try to be more helpful when it comes to your mom and try to ignore her attitude as well. I know it's not easy but do the best you can. Try to have a positive attitude and ignore the negative. Tell your husband if you are the one that needs to change that maybe he needs to change as well. Good luck with your situation and take care.

Answer 4

Time for a little sefl evaluation. Sit back pick out all of your bad qualities and determine which ones you use in these situations. Once you do that you can determine how to pull back. No one wants to be told that it's their fault and that is not what I am saying to you at all. But in reality in a lot of situations we are just as guilty as the person causing the stress.

As far as people are concerned--WE ARE NUTS. We are double minded and don't even realize it. Your mother probably doesn't even realize that she needs you and pushes you away at the same time. Your husband probably doesn't realize his double mind either. But once again there is a problem there that is within them and they need to evaluate themselves as well.

Don't blame yourself, although it seems like a deadend road, remember everyone has their issues, yours are simply in the mist of everyone elses.

Find a quiet place. I live in atlanta and there is the beautiful Stone Mountain that I retreat to for free. I just sit up there by myself my problems at the bottom of the mountain and me getting a chance to live above it even if just for an hour or two.

Breathe sweetheart, BREATHE!

Answer 5

BUT he likes to look at your picture...maybe he could live with your photo for the rest of his life so he wont have to deal with an unstable and irresponsible EX-wife.....He needs to FIX his rude,nasty attitude.For now dont focus on him or what could florish in near future....but put some more effort in handling your new job, talking to both of your parents and coping with your daughters move...thats a lot of career and family-stuff to think of ...without your thoughts about your EX

Answer 6

The last thing you wanna do is make it look like you are crawling back to him because then your mom will get mad and say something like "Your weak." It's happened to me before in a relationship except it was my dad. Trying to be your own person is the best thing to do. If your ex-husband can't be happy and love you for who you are, then that is a good reason he is your ex. Good luck with everything and hope for the best!

Answer 7

OK, do you really need to fix yourself?- ask yourself if you are OK with who you are, only you have the answerer's to that question - NOT YOUR X. In your X's mind he perceives that he may have the quick fix and once again planning seeds ;of doubt in you. When are you going to stop self doubting yourself and thinking about ONLY you and your daughter, after all that should be primary for you at this point in the game. As for your Mother/parents do you really think its pushing you out? Lets look at this from a different angle- do you think they may think it is time for you to be totally independent- self sufficient- and a responsible adult and parent? I would almost guess that is what they want for you. As we grow up we also need to grow away from our parents-you will eventually want this for your own child. The safety net your parents has provided for you is still in tact BUT they are used to peace and quiet and wanting to enjoy the golden years. Do try to not analyze everything- be happy your parents have been there for you and as I have said to you on may occasions it is really time for your life to begin with your daughter away from your parents. News job- apartment- freedom.

Answer 8

Why on EARTH would you try to make youself something you are NOT just to please some idiot of a man??

You are not a possession to be turned into something "pleasing" to someone else.

This is the reason your marriage failed in the first place and frankly how can you live with yourself if you do this?

Leave him. Move out. Get to know yourself and focus on yourself. Let everyone else fend for themselves. Get a one bedroom apt and that way no one else fits into your life unless you want them to.

THAT is what you need to do here.

Answer 9

Your hubby is 2-faced. Those people are just plain weird and really mean at times. Stay away from him. Move into an apartment with your daughter if your mother is giving you trouble. They will realize your significance if you move out immediately. They might even treat you better and ask you to move back in.

Answer 10

I suggest to find a place of your own as soon as possible when you feel you are financially secured. Your first priority is your child if you think that her wealth and psycology may be damaged in your mom's or husband's house then do not stay with them. Establish your own life.

Good luck