SOLDIERS.....Family or the mission??

Question

Here's the story....I know a person who's husband went to Iraq twice....once for less then 4 months then again for 11 month. He has been in the military for 10+ years and those are his only two deployments. Now, shoot to my husband who has been in the Army for less then 8 years (October makes 8) and he has done one tour in Korea...two in Iraq (9 months and a year) and is currently deployed to Afghanistan.

So, her husband has become a recruiter to avoid being deployed. Now, she seems to think that her husband is a better person then mine since, he put his family first while my husband is working on his 4th deployment without ever thinking about how to dodge them.

I just want to hear outsiders opinions on the subject. Does the Warriors Ethos not say~~
I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.

Does it make my husband a bad husband/father but a good soldier..or vise versa for her husband

I completely agree with everyone who has pointed out that it is NOT a competition. Unfortunately, that is the frame of mind between the two of us and that is the reason for the ending of what was once an amazing relationship....Catty selfishness.....

I also agree that what is best for YOUR family. I am strong enough to endure this for my husband no matter how many times it may happen. Some may not be. I just think that a soldier has a duty to this country and the family needs to understand and support.....and that is my job. My husbands duty lies with this country and mine lies with HIM. I just needed to hear other peoples opinions on the subject.

Oh and let me correct....my husband did 8 MONTH the first time....not 9. He came home in November of 03 for R&R and while he was home they decided it was time for him unit to come back....so they just told my husband to stay home...three weeks later his unit redeployed.

Answer 1

It looks to me like someone is being catty. Tell your husband I said: "Thank you for your service."

Answer 2

I dunno why she thinks that her husband being a recruiter is such a great thing. To me recruiting is worse than Iraq and being a Drill Instructor ( on in your case the Army calls them Drill Sgt ). Besides the fact that Iraq is a combat zone, when your significant other is a recruiter you pretty much live like a single parent or if you have no kids you are all alone. His or her job is 24/7 getting your quotas met and devoting time to recruiting. So family comes second even as a recruiter.


On another note I don't believe making a job change in the military is cowardly and avoiding going to Iraq. That is their business and really none of your concern. If this person is a bragger and is the type of person you describe as trying to act better than you, obviously you don't need to associate with a woman who is immature and enjoys inflicting negative comments to you. Don't associate with her any more. You do not need that kind of idiot around you while you are home here supporting your husband state side while he is doing his duty in Afghanistan.

Either husband is not a bad soldier or father or husband. Both are doing their job what ever way they can. Now if he went AWOL or trying to fake and injury or even doing anything dishonorable to get himself discharged dishonorablely without thinking of the after effects of how his choices will effect his family, than that absolutly makes him not only a bad supporter of a family , but a coward and moron.

Kick this chick to the curve and get some postive wives who will support you in your time of need while your husband is deployed. You dont need a idiot like her telling you that kind of stupid bull crap.

Good luck

Answer 3

Hey Nightlife :-) It's a very good mission. Happiness is subjective, so only you can tell if you've actually found it. The only thing is, I'd say not to go consciously searching for it, because you'll always be looking for something better and you'll never be happy. True happiness normally sneaks up on people, just take things as they come and you'll be fine. Optimism plays a big part in this particular mission too, so keep an open mind...

Answer 4

As a former soldier myself, who spent more than half of my 6 1/2 years overseas, alone, I feel that your husband is doing the right thing. Yes, family is the most important thing in my opinion, and I am sure you husband hates being away from you and his family, but, he is the consumate soldier by looking out for his family, and country, by performing the duties he has sworn to uphold regardless of who is at home missing him. In no way is he being a bad father/husband, he is protecting our rights and freedoms. Don't let some snot ruin the good works your soldier is doing. He is a man who does not ask for thanks, only a job well done and to return home safely when all is said and done. You've got a good man there and I am sure he must be putting his family first in his heart and mind.

Answer 5

I am in your boat.. so, we may have the same opinions. My husband not including airport duties, flood duties and Hurricane Katrina relief (all while in the national guard) went to Iraq once with the guard for 19 months.. we are now active duty, he got home in April and had been gone for 6 months, and just got deployed on Sunday for 12-15 months. I know your pain. My husband will be in for 8 years this December. Anyhoot - my husband has VOLUNTEERED each time. My husband has gone for his FAMILY everytime. We have paid off SO much debt in him going - and it has always been a decision based from BOTH of us. My husband is not a selfish person, and if he knew I wouldnt be there to support him, he probably wouldnt go. Every family is different and it sounds like your "friend" is trying very hard to make up for the fact she is insecure about her husband's decision. I wouldnt worry about what she says, and I certainly wouldnt have her as a friend! "Dodging" deployments is very sheepish and I have no respect for soldiers who do that! I have a friend whos ex-husband has done the same thing! He has been to Korea twice during all of this and the other times he got lucky.. I think that is freakin pathetic!

Answer 6

Why do you give this woman so much power in your life? Do you really care what she thinks?

You can't spend your life "keeping up with the Jones's" or worrying about what this person will think or what that person will think.

Life is short and precious, be content and happy with what you have.

There is a famous quote that goes.....

Re-examine all that you have been told....dismiss that which insults your soul.
- Walt Whitman

To the person who wrote that "going to Korea twice" is a method of dodging deployment. This is incorrect. You are assigned a duty station. It isn't a country club where you sashay into HQs and tell them you want to go here or there. You can request a place but you most likely will not get it unless it is for the benefit of the military.

Answer 7

I have to say that anyone who would become a recruiter just to avoid being deployed doesn't understand what it truely means to be a soldier. My husband is deployed at the current time. It is hard on the family, him not being here. But I believe that he is the one who is truely putting his family first for he is protecting our children's future. He is making sure that his children and their children do not have to go through another 9/11 like we did. But that is just my opinion.

Answer 8

As much as i stomp my feet at time. The mission is always first. My husband did 3 deployments in 4 years, and he reenlisted for a nondeployable post. We deserve it. She is not better than you. In case she forgot if the army wanted the guys to have a wife, they would have issued him one!!!

People always think that they are better than one another. But where as my husbands done more deployment/away time than yours, my husband has never been to Korea, and i can learn something from you. It does not make you better than i, nor does it make me better than you KWIM? We are all in this together and need to support one another. So just wish her well and smile on the inside because you know you can handle being a military wife better, or at least more peaceful.

your husband is in my prayers

Answer 9

My own personal opinion, yours is better because he isn't trying to shirk his duty by making some other poor schmuck with a family deploy.

Are recruiters needed/important? yes, of course, but to do so simply because they wish to avoid a deployment is the coward's way out to me.

Oh, and BTW.. little miss wife with the superiority complex will be doing some complaining of her own soon enough, as being a recruiter often entail 18 hours days and weekends. She might have gotten to see him more had he gone on a deployment.

Answer 10

Different people will have different perceptions, and what is most important is what your immediate family feels, and what is more important to them.

Admittedly a recruiter in M.A.S.H. was ridiculed, but I can see the sense in being more available to your family.

The Warrior Ethos sounds to me battle honor. I guess it only really applies while you are in a tour. If this is a strong family value and it is a family tradition to serve in conflicts, then good luck to you.

If your husband was just trying to be gainfully employed to earn an income to support the family, then I think he should consider following suit with your friends husband.

As I said this will be up to the individual.

Answer 11

I didn't know it was a contest.

Each person has to do what is right for them and their family.

Actually I say and I think most people would agree.

Family comes before mission.

There are exceptions, sometimes the mission is the best way , you know how to protect your family in the long term.

Im not gonna knock someone for doing recruiting duty, after doing two deployments.

If thats what he thinks his familiy needs, more power to him.

In your case, your husband choose another path, the needs of your family are different.

So more power to you and your husband.

Not everyone is the same, so not everyone is gonna do the same thing.

There is no good soldier/bad soldier or good father/bad father , good husband/bad husband involved in this.

Believe it or not, there are career soldiers who have never deployed to either Afghanistan or Iraq.

That doesn't make them any better or worse than anyone else.