mother-in-law issue?

Question

i am living with my husband's family. i am a professional and just waiting for my employment. my husband has to take the licensure exams. we have a baby. basically, we need our parent's support.

everybody here at home is in love with our baby. my mother in law is really a lot of help to all the burdens in baby caring.

thing is, i find myself jealous of her since when she's around, my baby ALWAYS wants to be picked up by my mother in law. and when the baby hears her voice, the baby gets so excited about it. also, i think my mother in law also announces it to the world that the baby is so fond of her.

i just feel bad since up to now i'm a full time mom, but my baby prefers her than me.

am i thinking the wrong thing? what should i do?

no rude comments please, or else...

MIL usually takes her away from us when we are playing with bb, like we are in our room. she was the one who started the 1st solid feeding, even when we were at home. everytime she's around, she always informs the bb that she will do this 1st, and that the bb shall wait for her. or like, when the baby starts to cry, she physically insists that she carries the bb, even i got to the bb 1st.

but i'm really thankful for all the help the family is giving us.

i just feel that she's trying to be the mom. (when the bb was newly born, she tried to insist that the bb sleeps with her, good thing that i was able to tell her that it was my duty) the issue still came up especially when people jokingly asks who sleeps with the baby.

Answer 1

Be thank-ful you have the help. You should realize that the baby knows your touch, your smell, your voice, in other words Your Baby knows its Mother. Try to be understanding of your mother-in-law, I'm sure she doesn't mean any harm. She's just thrilled to be a Grandmother. It sounds like a lot of love from your in-laws. It's very easy when you're a new mother to feel jealous of someone else loving your baby after all you carried the baby 9 months. Just relax, enjoy the help, it sounds like a very loving family...

Answer 2

I don't know if you're wrong or not. A lot depends on what kind of person your MIL is. If she's treating this as if she is first in your baby's life and more important than you then I think you have a problem and a right to be upset.

However, if your MIL is just showing joy at having a relationship with your baby and happiness that her grandchild is there you'd have less of a reason to be upset.

When I lived with my parents for 6 months while my DD's were 4 and almost 1 they both formed strong bonds with their grandfather. When they heard Poppa come in from work they'd dance around and smile. They loved him and would choose him over me a lot of times. But I wasn't jealous because my dad didn't treat the situation as if he was trying to be the parent. He just wanted to be the best grandparent he could be.

So maybe take a look at what's happening with your MIL and baby. Try to evaluate their relationship and then react accordingly.

Answer 3

That is the problem with living with the grandparents. They obsess over their grandchild and want to spend all their time with the baby. But no one can ever take the place of a mother! She just has a little more experience than you do and knows how to deal better with a baby. Be thankful that you have the help that you have right now. It would be a lot more difficult on you if you didn't have that help. But I do think that you and your hubby need to take the steps to prepare on getting your own place. That way you can bond more with your child and she can see the baby on your time. Why not work part-time or go to school to help with having your own place, and your mother-in-law can spend time with the baby while you are gone, and you wont feel threatened, because you wont see it first hand?

Answer 4

I had a lot of help from my mother-in-law too when my daughter was young, I never really felt jealous about my daughter liking her more or thought that she did but I did feel as if my MIL was hogging my daughter a bit and it got to the point where she was taking my baby away 4 days a week and I would cry in my bed because I missed her so much. Maybe she is just more excited by your mum in law because she hasn't spent as much time around her or because she plays more games rather than all the nitty gritty?? It's ok this feeling will pass in time

Answer 5

Can the three of you afford to move out and live on your own? If not, then face it - you are stuck right now. So you need to figure out what to do. And discussing this with your mother in law might not be the best thing; if she gets her feelings hurt, she might ask you guys to move out.

However, bottling up the feelings won't help either. You said you are a full time mom right now. So start having private times with the baby. Take the baby out to the park, or window shopping or the library programs for moms and babies. Do things just between the two of you. Also, plan times for your husband and you to do fun things, by yourselfs, with the baby. Finally, help your husband plan times with the baby and him by theirselves.

Guess what, if you plan all those types of things, there's not going to be all that much time for the baby to spend with the mother in law. I'm not talking about doing all of this to hurt the mother in law. But you and your husband need to spend time bonding with the baby.

Answer 6

I think it is natural for a baby to be drawn to the grandma. She has been through it all before and has that little something when it comes to grandbabies. Don't worry too much about it. If it bothers you that much you take more responsibility when it cries, etc. Do most by yourself. Your baby will sense something if you continue to feel this way. Once you and your husband get on your feet things will go back to normal because you will be in your own home. You have the rest of this babies life to care of it. Be happy your it's grandma is in the picture and loves it.

Answer 7

No rude comments, but I think some good advice. If you can, take your baby out with you. I don't know the child's age, but even in a stroller, the fresh air would be great for you both. Do this daily if you can. Also you could walk, another good for you and baby. It will get you out of the house and help you bond more.

Also, your baby knows that you love her/him. Your baby has learned that her reaction to your mother-in-law gets her to pick her up. Sit in the floor with her a lot and play with her. Read books to her and most importanly, enjoy the time you have.

Answer 8

Well first of all be thankful you have family that is able to help and is helpful! However since you are not employed as of yet, spend your time with your infant and bond. There are many ways to bond with your child....just sit and rock, read stories, sing and take walks just for a few examples.


And when your mother-in-law goes to pick up the baby make sure you are there at least to hand the baby to her. In other words spend as much time as you can with the baby. But again be thankful you have family and your child gets to be around them. But make sure your child is bonding with you since you are the mother after all. Get that alone time in as much as you can.


Trust me babies are smart and know who their parents are and your bonding time will allow you both time with each other. Make sure your hubby has alone time with the baby too since father time is just as important! Good luck being a new mom!!

Answer 9

I think your being overly sensitive. Your mom is spending all day with the baby of course the child is going to act like that. Make sure you spend some quality time with your child and things will be fine. Be glad your mother in law is a help to you. After all not all mothers are willing to baby sit or even spend time with there grandchildren.

Answer 10

It's not uncommon for grand*mothers* to bond with their grand*children*. Better grandma than some stranger parents and infant don't even know. Not to mention, as a parent you could choose to yank a sitter out of the child's life due to a move or change in sitters for various reasons - some parents could care less how that affects the child. A grandparent is assured to be around in the child's life until thier passing.