She offered to take my daughter in since I'm seperated from my husband and I also like to go out and have fun not to mention the fact that very recently started hooking up with this guy at my job and he spends the night at my house often. My mom says it's not good for my daughter to see me with another man besides my husband. Plus, it's hard having to do everything by myself, so I'm really considering it. Should I or is being selfish?
2007-09-12 18:36:50 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
That would be the easy solution.
But would you really want to give up your child????
I'd re-think this one. It will stick with you longer than any fly-by-night relationship you might have with the guy.
Oh, and if he is to stay with you long-term, he will have to get used to the idea of you actually being a mother, rather then just seeing the child for an hour or two, now and again.
2007-09-12 18:46:22 · answer #1 · answered by Me again! 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, your being selfish. Would you seriously take a chance of your child hating you later just so you can have a good time and get laid? I don't really see the problem with your boyfriend staying overnight, or that you like to go out and party. I'm a single mom too. My boyfriend stays over sometimes, and when I get the weekend off and want to play, Nana takes her for their special time together. I think if your boyfriend is a good guy and treats you both well, then she will benefit from seeing the two of you together, not damaged by it. Tell your mom she's the grandmother and it stops there!
2007-09-13 18:31:35 · answer #2 · answered by rtcrbn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe that you are considering giving up your own daughter for some guy who just wants to screw you. Sorry, but that's the truth. I think it is time that you grow up and be that mother you are suppose to be to your daughter. Your daughter deserves a mother who can support her, who is there with her, and who will be there for her. You will just mess up her life. Don't you think she is already gone through enough with the divorce from her father?? You both screwed up her life!
What a shame. Your mother is right.
You should move in with your mother and be your daughter's mother. You can do this. But do this without the men in your life. Wait until your daughter is old enough and out of the house. Then you can date. Right now, your daughter needs you. She lost her father and now about to lose her mother? You will destroy her life. Yes, you are being selfish by thinking about yourself and not the well being of your daughter. Your daughter was born by you and you are responsible for her.
Do the right thing. If you need help, move in with your mother so she can watch your daughter while you work. Your daughter will thank you for doing the very best in taking care of her no matter what it took, even if it took you to not go out at all times of the night, but you will at least be home with your daughter. Do the right thing for her.
2007-09-13 02:57:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its not a question of you being selfish or deciding what you want...the issue here now is your daughter's upbringing or welfare....which i dont think you would be really good at right now...it seems that you are not ready for the responsibilities of motherhood since you like to go out and have fun...ideally, you should be over having fun because you got married and decided to have a family...but then...seems like you're not ready to give all of that up yet...your mother is right, its not good for your daughter to see you bringing your bf home...when she's a little bit older, she might think that its okay to take boys home and sleep with them...im sure you wouldnt want your daughter to grow up and be sexually active with different guys...that's just too bad an example to set for her...
if you really cant be a mom right now and if you know that your daughter has a better chance at life and a better future with your mother, then i think you should consider giving your mom custody of her...
but then you are missing the wonders of being a mother and exchanging it for your own selfish fun...
2007-09-13 01:57:43 · answer #4 · answered by geisha 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shopuld be responsible for your own daughter, just like your mum is responsible for you. What she says is correct. However having custody or not is just the paper work. Ultimately is how you would like to live your life will decide the actual arrangement between your mum and yourself.
Having a bf home for sleep over with your child around, basically letting your daughter knows and learn from your actions that sleeping around with another man is fine. Is that the values you would like to teach your own daughter? I hope NOT.
take care
2007-09-13 01:48:07 · answer #5 · answered by trymejames 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion if this is how you really feel and this is your order of priority then i don't think you can even consider using the title 'mother'. As a mother of 2 i can't remember the last time i was first on the list. Your not even close to accepting the responsibilty of parenting. so i think maybe you should let her go with someone who can put this angel above and beyond anything else .......... that doesn't sound like you!
2007-09-13 03:43:26 · answer #6 · answered by dannizzd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your pursuit of pleasure brought this child into the world, and she is your responsibility. I think you are being selfish. Your daughter's needs come first. This separation is probably hard enough on her as it is. You will regret this later if you let your mother have custody of her.
That said, if you aren't willing to protect her from any potential abuse, then give her to your mom. My stepfather was abusive to me, and to this day I wish my mother had left me with my grandparents.
2007-09-13 01:54:43 · answer #7 · answered by Shayna 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sounds like to me you are being selfish.yes parents need a break from there children once in awhile there is nothing saying you can"t date. but your child came before your new friend.i have been where you are right now.only i had 2 children to take care of. i gave up alot,i worked and i took care of them myself.nobody can really tell you what to do,you have to figure that one out yourself.just remember that if you sign your daughter over to your mom,she may ask for child support.so either way you still have to take care of your daughter,no matter who has her.good luck to you. remember you wanted that child .she needs you,
2007-09-13 14:52:56 · answer #8 · answered by lynn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are beyond selfish. How can you let another man sleep over when you aren't even divorced yet? You have no shame. What fault does your poor innocent daughter have? You need to grow up and start being a mother to your kid.
2007-09-13 01:53:18 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I agree with Mamabear, when you became a parent you gave up the " right" to have " fun" at the expense of your children. Your mother is right, you should not be subjecting your kids to you sleep over boyfriends. I suggest that you have a lot of growing up to do and that you need to get it done SOON!
2007-09-13 01:57:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋