My 14 year old son is a crossdresser/transvestite and had me arrested for trying to change him.?

Question

My 14 year old son came in the other night dressed as a female with make-up, a wig, a mini-skirt, in full womens dress. I am a very old fashioned, traditional person. I dont like girly boys or crossdressers. I want my son to be a masculine man. When he came in I shouted "what the hell do you think you are doing?" and he said it was girls night out at the club. I threatened to ground him for a year and he called me a close-minded redneck piece of sh*t that will never be worth anything. I gave him an old fashioned beating with my belt and it left a small mark on him. He called the police, and I was arrested that night, and my son said things like "stupid dumba$$ redneck is going to the cage with the other animals" all the way out the door. the police did nothing in response to my sons behavior. I am out of jail now, and there is no restraining order to my knowledge. what should I do? My son told me I will never change him. My wife(who I love dearly) and him currently live alone

Answer 1

I FEEL FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. BUT YOU THINK BEATING HIM WITH A BELT WAS GOING TO MAKE HIM CHANGE? I MEAN COME ON. IF HE IS GOING TO CHANGE ITS GOING TO TAKE LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING NOT CHILD ABUSE. PARENTS HAVE TO PUT THEIR FOOT DOWN SOMETIMES BUT BEATING YOUR CHILD WILL NEVER HELP YOU.

Answer 2

I don't know if this a troll or the real deal, but the anger in your message clearly could be felt. But I am no shrink either. So here the low down.

He's 14 and and somehow, his wardrobe isn't the right fit, let alone the right gender.

Thinks it is a joke, or had a bet with some of his friends that he will do this, saying he is too much of a "girly" man to win the dare.

My guess he just wants to have fun, or was trying to not pay the cover charge. (I don't what clubs will let a 14 year old in anyway)

Instead of being cool (or masculine about it) and finding what made him dress up like Dolly Parson, you beat him for wearing a pink tutu.

For this he calls the cops on you, curses you being a close minded freak.

You want to cops to do something about your son, but all they care about is you beating him senseless.

So they arrest you, then are sent to the nearest cross bar motel for a few days to think it over.

Most likely for a domestic charge and child endangerment and/or abuse.

Meaning that most places of legal employment will not hire because of that.

Which would most likely will screw you and your family out of an income.
Meaning that you and your family will have no food, no water no shelter, no money, and no way to able take care of themselves because of your "old fashioned" ways.

You are now out of jail, done your time and you still want to force your "old-fashioned" values on your son.

And you say there is no restraining order out on you....

Again, as I have mentioned before, I am no shrink, but you might have some issues of your own do deal with.

The way I see it, there was nothing 'masculine' about the way you handled the whole ordeal.

If you haven't figured it out by now, leave your son alone.
Showing old fashioned values the way you did isn't worth it, as you experienced. Nor is it going to change him.

Hell, you are lucky enough that the state hasn't took him away from you, let alone him being a runaway or even let him live under the same roof with you.

That's my advise and my guess.
What you do from here on out is up to you.

Answer 3

There are several separate issues here that should be addressed. The very first is the seemingly lack of respect of this child (and yes, at 14 years old he is STILL a child) towards you. Has he always displayed this lack of respect in the way he talks to you? If so, there was apparently a lack of the proper discipline in his earlier years. ANY child who would disrespect their parents - EITHER parent - in such a manner has some serious psychological problems that need to be dealt with on a professional level as soon as possible.

Next would be the issues with your own anger and the way you handled the situation. In my childhood days, yes, there where whippings and in most cases I was deserving of them and they were justifiable. However, usually the use of a keen switch on bare legs was the way these were carried out. This was the accepted way of administering severe punishment when it became necessary. It was NOT with some other object such as a belt, which could cause physical injuries that might be permanent.

As others have asked, what kind of "club" would a 14 year old person be allowed entrance into? Unless this is some sort of young people's gathering place, he has no business even attempting to get into any type of adult establishment.

As far as his crossdressing is concerned it is possible that he did so on a dare, or possibly as a joke or to have a little fun in an odd way. However, there is also the possibility that he IS a crossdresser and if this is the case there's not a lot you will ever be able to do to change him. Also (merely as a bit of information for you) crossdressers are NOT - repeat that - NOT always gay or even bi-sexual. Surveys and the data gathered from them clearly indicate that 90% of all crossdressers are totally heterosexual and have no desire to be anything else. When you consider that these same surveys also indicate that approximately 10% of the male population crossdresses to some extent on a regular basis, we're talking about millions of men who do so. It is the misinformation and distorted ideas about what a crossdresser is, and even more importantly what he ISN'T, that causes all the negativity about them. It is becoming more and more evident from both a medical as well as a psychological point of view that those who are prone to be crossdressers were BORN that way and therefore had no more choice in the matter than they did the color of their eyes or hair, who their parents would be, what their social or economic status would be, etc.

In conclusion, before one jumps the gun and automatically assumes the worst, wouldn't it be a lot wiser to RESEARCH a subject thoroughly before letting everybody else do your thinking FOR you? Popular opinion is just that - opinion. And opinions aren't always facts, so an intelligent person will form his OWN opinion, but based only on factual information he has gathered about a subject. And as a final note, yes, I'm one of those heterosexual crossdressers and have been from the time of my early childhood.

Answer 4

Perhaps the beating is uncalled for....
You may need to recognise your own mistake.
All he did was trying to have fun on a "girls night" out party. That isn't bad at all actually. It does not mean that he is a transvestite. You should take it easy.. and let the matter past and start a new life with him....
Don't be too critical if minor issues which are not death threatening or in anyway damaging to his future.
From the episode, you are more concern about yourself then him. Because the his act will make you feel awkward.

Just be nice.... and take it easy..

Answer 5

oh my!! well he is 14, a child. he shouldnt be calling his parent any names.. my parents would have thrown me across the room. its so wierd how it is now days. i was disiplined and i love my parents more than life., but now days you cant even tell your 14 year old child what to do.. something is sooo wrong. I think you should call a family counsler and take your son.. he needs to KNOW that you are the parent and he is still a child and you can tell him he cannot dress that way. and going to a club???? so wrong! He can do what he wants when hes 18 . This is sad, im sorry for you. I hope you can get some help. sounds like he is out of control. if you cant finance counsleing sit down with him and just stay calm, even if he blows up..keep cool and have a serious talk.

everyone on here saying your the bad one needs to REALIZE THIS CHILD IS 14!!!!!! 14!!! my god !!! people are so idiotic. you dont let a 14 year old run his own life. you dont let him drive or go on vacation alone... if hes gay hes gay,,thats something thats internal. but he should not be dressing up like a woman and going to clubs people!!!

Answer 6

Its hard for parents to understand how their children could be so different to them. please dont listen to people saying that your a bad father, its a natural reaction, and you only have your education about the matter to blame for your outrage against your son.

If he has already made the step to doing this, it is clearly a part of his being and you need to accept it - doing this takes time a patience, but you need to know that you are all he has for support, and if you take that from him, you could loose your son completely....and i know you love him.

I was a similar child and i had similar issues growing up, and my dad had a hard time understanding me, and the things i would do - but he learnt that my choices have made me happy in life and have led me to great successes....

If you choose to you can be apart of it, or you can choose to deny it and hate it. But guaranteed my friend, this will shorten your life, and by the time you realise how insignificant this is to the fact of family and love, you may be to late.

Dont fall prey to societies fears aobout different people, it is only a lock of education. Become educated - your child may suffer from what is known as "gender dysphoria" or your child may feel the are a transgendered person "born into a body that does not accomodate the mind and mannerism" is the direct translation.

Do not alienate yourself by alienating your son. Yoi gave birth to him, he is a reflection of you - and dont hate yourself, this is not a mistake, on your part. It is a natural occurance. In some cultures it is understood more than in other cultures, nevertheless, it is a part of the human expression and is natural completely.

Do not fear - time will teach you!

Answer 7

Dear, as fast as you can get to a therapist. You have the right to dislike what your son is doing, but it is his choice. Albeit that he is underage, should respect you and all, but you are mentioning that he lives with his mom apart from you.
Rest assured that you are ok, he is ok too. He is going through a stage right now...not the crossdressing, but that he is a teen! Furthermore, his aggressions towards YOU is not where you want to be at at this time...near him. Things need to be set aside for a while, that's ok.
Get that counseling whether you want it or not. Not understanding his attitudes [nor your wife's for allowing him to be aggresssive!] nor knowing how to cope with your frustrations will overcome you by continuously thinking about the issue an lead nowhere but a circle. Do this favor for yourself.
The help you will receive will allow you to handle future encounterings with your son [and mom]. Remember, he does have a choice, but so do you! [maybe mom needs counseling apart, too.] My deepest regards!

Answer 8

I truly feel bad for what happened to you. I honestly think you should accept your son for who he is. It doesn't matter what he is or does, he's your son; don't forget that. I know it's really hard for you to accept him, but what can you do. Your the parent who should love your children unconditionally. And you as a parent should be there for them in good times or bad times. The only thing you can really do is accept the way he is and be there for him when needs his father.

I hope you could understand who he is because you're his family. Just think, there are people who hate them more that they beat them up and even kill them; You who is his parent who should love and accept him will hurt him just like the other people who hate him, then who will protect him and where is he going to go?

I hope the best for you and your family.

Answer 9

You need to inform him why being a cross-dresser is wrong. He may be doing this because he sees his mom as a better person than you. spanking is not effective after about 8 years old and it should NEVER EVER be out of anger. You should have just grounded him and had him stay in his room. There is a nice little product called alumi-weld that you can weld the window shut with.

I happen to be 18 and I know that crossdressing is wrong because I was raised with an open but individual mind.

Answer 10

You have two choices, Leave them, or get used to it.

But, if he is not going to live by your rules while he is living under your roof... let him live with out you and your financial support for a while. See how he likes it. And you wife too. She should be supporting you in this.

And having you arrested? This not acceptable in my book. He is the freak of nature not you. You did what most would do. Right or wrong, you had melt down. HE needs to show some respect. AND you do not have to let him go anywhere but school. What the hell was he doing at this Club anyway?

It may time for you to be a real Dad.

Only you can choose. I vote for geting your own place.

Answer 11

my younger brother has borrowed my clothes many times. he dressed like a girl just for fun sometimes. he is a very masculine man now and likes women, not men. i also have many masculine friends who have dressed as women on occasion. sometimes teenagers do things like that. it will not hurt him, maybe he is just secure enough in his masculinity that it does not bother him to be seen dressed as a woman. i would apologize to him and explain why it bothers you and let him explain to you why he likes dressing as a woman. you will have to accept him for who he is and love him in spite of the things that you see as faults. what he is doing is harmless behavior that many teen boys have done at one time or another and they grow up to be very masculine men. even though you don't agree with it maybe you should try to see it from his point of view and be a little bit more open minded and accepting of your son. talk with your wife about it and listen to what she has to say too.