I, for the first time, just confronted my ex-boyfriend about being gay. He has never come out to me and I decided to ask him if our relationship was a lie. He flat out told me that he had no feelings for me. Why was I so blinded by all of this? And why am I so hurt about this now? Please tell me of any thoughts that you have so I can let this past relationship go!
2007-09-12 18:13:57 · 12 answers · asked by Trista 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes he has come out to everyone that he is gay..his friends and family and posted it on his myspace page. I didn't just ask him this out of the blue...I have known for some time but didn't know how to ask him.
2007-09-12 18:27:20 · update #1
He must have felt something, if he had a relationship with you.
I'm a gay guy, but I was in the closet until 2001. I had a relationship with a woman before that, and I will tell you that I truly loved her.
But I knew I was gay, and the relationship was a big mistake.
I don't believe he had no feelings for you. Remember, he may be gay, but he's still biologically 100% male, and males don't like to open up about this stuff. I think he's guarding himself, and I understand that.
My whole experience sucked, because I know how much I hurt this girl. But I was also hurting. It was kind of a lose-lose situation from the beginning.
And now I'm super lonely. But don't get me wrong; I am enjoying my life now more than ever, The whole relationship thing can just boggle my mind at times.
Love Jack
2007-09-12 18:20:40 · answer #1 · answered by Jack 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't know your boyfriend was gay because you were probably in love. Your hurt because your boyfriend didn't honestly tell you the truth about himself. He should have told you straight up before you both hooked up that he was gay. He should have been honest and made that clear to you. Maybe you two could have just been friends. I think the only way to get passed your thoughts that you have is to look at the positive side about the relationship. Don't rehash all the bad memories. Look at the good times you had with your ex. Think about the times he took you out or kissed you. If you think positively then you will feel better. I was in a situation were I lost friend. My friend and I drifted apart. The only way that I have healed has been to think positively about the friendship that I had with this guy. It been a couple of months now since my friendship ended and I feel so much happier because I've changed the way I think. You should do the same. Trust me it works!!!
2007-09-13 01:35:28 · answer #2 · answered by P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of questions there, and no way to answer most of them. No one here can tell you about your own relationship, and that's the heart of the topic. But I'll try to answer in general terms, I hope it helps.
In my experience, two very big questions are probably coming up, in words or not. First, did it have anything to do with you? Quite simply, no. Regardless of nature or nurture, sexual identity was established long before your involvement.
Second, why didn't he tell you? That isn't as easy to answer without knowing your ex very well, if it ever could be. People come to terms with sexual orientation at their own time. A friend of mine has been married for almost twenty years, and her husband is gay. He's never talked about it, but she's found out, and it hasn't been at all easy on her. Without knowing more, I'd say it's likely that your ex tried a more "normal" relationship, and that everything he seemed was as genuine as he knew how to be. It's not really uncommon.
Try to keep in mind that very often, the first step of coming out is accepting yourself, and it's not easy. It's possible, if not likely, that your relationship was an attempt at trying to do the right thing. It wasn't meant to hurt you.
2007-09-13 01:29:48 · answer #3 · answered by Ross W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
COuple of thoughts...
It hurts so much because you've been betrayed. What you thought was real wasn't. Your world was turned upside down. you were in a relationship and now he claims that he has no feeling for you--that's betrayal and it hurts. Greive the loss of that relationship.
Blinded? You were given enough at one time to believe that there was a relationship. And in your life and heart there was one. For whatever reason, he's now feeding you the "no feelings" line to get out of the relationship and out of confronting whatever is really going on inside of him. You cannot be expected to see what he's not showing. don't beat yourself up. It doesn't lead to healing.
It hurts because it's beyond your control. If he had said "it's over because you snore" well, then you could have sought some help in working out a solution. But in this case there's nothing for you to do and that brings more hurt down around your shoulders. Good news, though is that it doesn't have to hurt for long. It's not about you! It's about him, he's not facing the reality and now he's out of your life...good bye. Don't harden your heart against the world because one guy couldn't handle reality. Pain is one thing that assures us we're alive. Cry about it, let it go and tell yourself, you've grown from the experience and now you're free to move on.
2007-09-13 01:26:05 · answer #4 · answered by CHos3n 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're ex is a prick - he played wit ur emotions and knew damn well that he was gay but used u as a weapon to make out that he wasnt gay!
Aaarghhh i could knock him one!
Sorry to say that 'yes' ur relationship with him was a lie because he was pretending to be something that he is not..
I really feel for u and this behaviopur shouldnt be tolerated by anyone..
Well i guess he did u a favour ... Just remember that you will learn from past relationships and it only makes u wiser.
Try getting out there and having fun, go out with ur friends, join a club of some sort, spend alot of time with family and friends and just do things to keep yourself busy..
You dont deserve to have people like that in your life.
Just take one day at a time and eventually you will find someone else who deserves to be with you and who will love u and appreciate u.
Take it easy hun
Good luck xx
2007-09-13 01:25:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, he said he had no feelings for you. Did he actually say he was gay? I'm not sure if his being gay is confirmed.
Anyway, it hurts in any type of relationship where trust is violated and feelings are involved. Unfortunately, you are not the first person this has happened to.
Take a reasonable amount of time to recover from the betrayal of your trust and move on. Try to avoid making everyone else pay for this guy's crime.
It's normal to feel hurt. This, too, shall pass. Make sure you don't rebound with the exact opposite. That frequently backfires. Take time to heal and learn to trust again.
Good luck.
my2cents
2007-09-13 01:23:35 · answer #6 · answered by Tellin' U Da Truth! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Several things -- your relationship was not a lie, but it is over.
I think your pride is stung, how could you not know? I am sorry he said he had no feelings for you - this is probably unlikely and he's probably embarrassed. I have feelings for my cute waitress and she only brings me coffee.
I just want to know -- why did you ask if he's gay? What a slap in the face if he was straight (I'd be pissed off) and since he is gay, now he has to feel like a bad guy for liking and dating you. Why did you ask the question? It can only hurt both of you.
2007-09-13 01:21:33 · answer #7 · answered by wrathofkublakhan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry. Did you not see the signs baby? About him having no feelings for you he is either a liar or the spawn of satan, one of the two, cause when a human being falls in love w someone it is eternal and it is forever (but that also depends on how long you've been together; disregard that if you've been together for only 3 to 4 weeks). Tell him how you feel and move on. You sound like a loving person, trust me there are plenty of men (who are straight) that would love to make your acquaintance and treat you like a REAL man should (no pun intended, just keeping it real boo).
2007-09-13 01:33:39 · answer #8 · answered by AspiringLovDoctor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off, people dont "turn" gay - they just always prefer the same sex, whether they have come out or not. a lot of people in that situation feel like they need to conform to society so they do what others are doing - they have relationships with the opposite sex. he most likely loved you in a way, but not in the way that life partners do. its not like he didnt care about you at all. you were blinded because he was showing yo uthe affection he believed he should want to show you, according to "society". my cousin went through this - the first love of her life, the man she wanted to marry - and then he came out to her. you're hurt because of the obvious - you loved this man and now he is unattainable. completely normal. however, you do need to move on, as difficult as it is because he is unattainable. good luck to you, you will find love again.
2007-09-13 01:22:48 · answer #9 · answered by raspberry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One is that if you had unprotected sex with him, you may want to be checked. Gay men have an even higher rate of HIV incidence.
Two is that your pride is hurt. It is bad enough to lose a man to another woman, but to lose him to another man is hard because there is no way that you can possibly compete to win him back. You have nothing to fight with. Sure it was cruel of him, but that would just make me dam# mad!!! I certainly would not let him know that I even cared. He used you, get MAD!!!
2007-09-13 01:20:58 · answer #10 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋