My son is 15 years old and I really need help please...?

Question

He has become aggressively disrespectful, not only to family, but also to peers in his social circle. He doesn't attend school regularly. Nor does he listen to any authoritative figures. He is using POT and alchohol. Recentely I discovered that perscription pills are being experimented with amongst his friends. He won't do what is asked of him. & when I discipline him, he blatentely defies me. I've reached the point of physically trying 2 pound the right back into his mentality & his decision making. I am a single divorced parent & I have three other kids, all his elders. Never have I had 2 resort 2 using physical force (abuse) with his siblings. There is a concern that this direction is only going to land me in jail along with everything that acompanies these type of offenses. My financial resources r already at capacity level & I reluctantely feel myself giving up on him. I already have continuos interruptions at work about his inability 2 get off 2 school. Or from the school staff.

Answer 1

Go talk to the school counselor and see where you can get him some help. Things will not get better until you do. Maybe you have been his best friend and let him do what he wanted without discipline. Now you want him to behave and are trying to discipline. Get him some help before he gets into some really bad problems that can't be fixed.

Answer 2

This is a REALLY tough age, especially for a guy, and especially for a guy who needs a good mans guidance. See about having him seen by a psychiatrist or psychologist, sometimes it helps to just have an outsider talk to him, someone who knows the right things to say. If you don't have the money for this maybe you can get help through the school counselor, they may be able to tell you who to call to get the help he needs. To get him away from the crowd (he even knows isn't right), try getting him involved in an activity after school and/or on weekends. If not a sport, try getting him volunteering at the humane society or some other place that may interest him. Just get him and keep him busy. As he works he'll learn responsibility and self respect. He will become proud and his self esteem will rise. Don't give up! Hang in there! Also, contact big brothers to see if he can be matched with a mentor, it just might help! Good Luck! =)

Answer 3

Whip his a**!!! You should have been more stricter on him or practiced more discipline over all and you would not have this question. I can't believe what I'm reading nor do I understand why different races are so leaniant with their teenage children!!! From where I come from, your son would be dead already because the belief is ... "If I can bring you into this world, I can surely take you out it" ... In short, you should be more and should have been more forceful and you should have whipped that a** there's no other solution for this type of behaviour other than he'll be kicking your a** shortly as well!! ... Or you'll just stay in fear of your kid! ... I feel sorry for you because you should have whipped his a** a very very very very very long time ago and taught that boy some damn respect!!!

Much Love
Peace &
Happiness

Answer 4

Maybe enroll him in a big brother program (where he's assigned a responsible older brother figure who acts as his mentor and does constructive activities with him, while at the same time relates to him and tries to help him out with any problems he might feel he's going through... plus they're free) or you also said he has older siblings so maybe they can play an active role by trying to set him straight. I would try to distance him from his friends by making him do after school activities, hanging out with family, getting a part-time job... and ground him when he does something wrong by taking away things that he really likes... like free-time, cell phone, computer or even a favorite shirt or pair of shoes. (i find that young boys his age are really into how they look for some reason...) And as his mother you still do hold a power over him. Boys his age don't really want to disrespect you, I think it's a masculinity thing where they just feel like a bigger man when they don't listen to rules and stuff. So try to sit him down and strip down his defenses and talk to him like an adult and express to him how much he's hurting you by acting the way he does.

Answer 5

Looks like you need help. Try to get some help from his older brothers or some kind of organisation within your area. There is no point being abusive with him as this will make matters worse.

Try a softer approach with him, and spend more time with him. Normally in a divorce situation, most children are very insecure emotionally, therefore sometimes they seek these from his friends or others. So emotional security is important aspect that you may want to look at. Give and assure him of your love, beating him will only have the opposite effect.

take care

Answer 6

okay, this is a very tough situation for all of you. I think a major change may be in order, but you definitely need a better counsellor than I feel able to be. You can change his school, move to a different area, if that's what it takes to improve his influences and choices...

A few things to consider may be: what is the root cause of his behavior, what changes/challenges are facing him? You are the POTOS-parent of the opposite sex-and this may need and should deserve major attention from his father, if at all possible. Unfortunately as you have discovered a child of this age is probably physically stronger than you, and knows it; however you do have other options; you control the grocery choices, and the clothing availability choices, for two examples. Also you control his access to cell phones, TV, computer, transportation-all these are priveleges for you to award as earned. Feed him nothing but peanut butter, bread, and milk, for instance, including his packed lunches to school, until his behavior improves; confiscate and put into locked storage all his belongings and require him to earn them back-a few nights in a bare bedroom with the mattress on the floor may make your point. I would not permit this child the privelege of locks on his bedroom door, unrestricted computer or TV use-why, if he is not trustworthy, he may need a babysitter/male nanny! etc...be creative, be fair, be strong mentally, and find backup and counsel before it is too late. Can your older children give you any input or support?

bless you and best wishes,
cryllie

Answer 7

Can the guidance counselors at his school give you some direction? If not, perhaps you can find some free or sliding-scale resources in your community. As another respondent said, maybe your family doctor could refer you to a therapist (I know, it'd be hard to force him to go, but maybe you could go by yourself at first and then work on him) or some program that could help straighten him out. I wish you the best.

Answer 8

i don't know if this is available in your state, but you might want to go through your local juvenile court system to have himn placed on a supervisory probation. where i live they will automatically do that if you file an "unruly child" petition to the juvenile court (i just signed a paper and talked to a probation officer). he will be on probation for 90 days with strict stipulations customized to what he is doing wrong (i.e. he will have to be able to pass drug tests, verify school attendance and compliance with your rules at home). if he breaks any of those rules, he will be placed on mandatory probation which is more strict and can result in jail time. while on the supervisory probation, he would be enrolled in programs to deal with his issues ... drug abuse, truancy, anger management, etc.

If he must remain in your house, make sure he doesn't have a key to the house. Tell him that you will be doing random drug tests if he continues to live with you. Take away all communication methods (phone, email, etc). Spend a lot of time with him (when my child was going through a very similar situation to this, I slept in her room.. not because I was afraid she would do something, but to signify to her that I was not giving up on her and was in fact going to stick even closer than before. She was only allowed to go to family functions, not outside activities with friends. I took all of her clothes away, bought new ones that were totally different and based on my rules. She also went to individual therapy for a year.

I did this with my child and 2 yrs later she is a happy, respectful college student with good grades and a whole new group of friends who are trying to do positive things as well.

Answer 9

Get some sort of intervention NOW...he needs a father figure,whether it's a friend,teacher,marine,a judge,boot camp would straighten him some...but a part of a kids brain doesn't develop sometimes til he/she is 20 yrs old.the part that know right from wrong..You need to get him away from this situation..if he's not going to school,yes you will have to pay fines and go to court..no,it's not right that parents have to pay,but it's true...I would call a tough juvenile judge and haul his butt before him,and I know that judge would be glad to straighten him up,or maybe put him in boot camp..ask him about one of those scared straight programs they have in prisons..cause your son is going down a long road of hardship of NO return,,believe me I have been there. If he is abusive to his brothers,they can be taken out of your home.
I would concentrate on him...try the judge thing..and get him into boot camp,at least it would get him away from the crowd he is mixed up with...DO IT NOW!!!

Answer 10

I've noticed a mood swing in my personality, the only issue you must work on is the drugs and alcohol. But my advise is back off a bit. I don't mean to sound rude but if it's not the drugs and alcohol that's pushing him, it may be because he feels uncomfortable and insulted among his peers and he brings that anger out on you. I do that but I control my anger by boxing.