I divorced my husband 12 yrs ago and my son was devastated. My husband set out to get revenge on me by making me pay child support and trying to take my son from me and having me put in jail. He put me and my son thru hell. My son is now 24 and It still affects him to this day. I try to pretend that I am ok for his sake but I feel angry, bitter and depressed over it. How can I make up to my son and make things better for him and let him know how sorry I am for him having to go thru all of this?
2007-09-12 17:31:27 · 11 answers · asked by wundawoman 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
That's too bad that your ex husband took the revengeful route. I'm sure you had a good reason for the breakup but what makes it difficult is how the parent (s) react to the breakup. If your ex didn't do all the things he did your son would not have been so traumatized. So it leaves your son to think that you caused it. He is old enough now to be able to sit down and have a rational conversation with you. First let him know how sorry you are that he got caught in the middle of an emotional war. Explain that divorce is never easy and some parents can keep their differences aside and focus on what's best for the child, while others are too emotional and hot-headed. Offer to get some counseling for him to cope with his feelings. Hearing the explanation form a neutral party will give him more clarity and objectivity. Maybe you can sit in on some of the sessions with him. Let him see the wonderful loving mom that you are. Best of luck to you.
2007-09-19 11:54:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you divorce him because you wanted to go to the bars or have a fling..or something like that? Or did you divorce him because he was unbearable to live with? And why did you have to pay child support...he should have paid his share of child support. You didn't say why he had you put in jail. I'll tell you this much...if he was abusing you....you should have NO REGRETS about divorcing him..NO MATTER WHAT YOUR SON SAYS. Did you put your son thru hell...or was it your husband harrassing you that made it hell for him? I lived thru an abusive marriage for 10 years. My regret is that I stayed with him all those years. My life and my son's life would have been totally different..and I'm sure better. But you always think things are going to change. They usually just get worse. Would it have been better if you hadn't divorced him? I do regret that my son didn't have a father. He was killed in an accident about a yr and a half after our divorce. Don't let your son ruin the rest of your life. He probably picked up a lot of "techniques" from seeing how his father treated you. You 'd think he'd learn from it..but not always. Hopefully your son will get married (if he's not already) and focus on his new family. You need to take this time for yourself...to be good to yourself. And quit thinking you deserve to be punished. You don't. If you did...you've served your "time". Good Luck.
2007-09-12 17:59:20 · answer #2 · answered by Deenie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was divorcing my husband for the same reason, except he didn't act crazy around me because when he did drugs, he always stayed away from home (like staying out all night). He never did it around me, but I knew it was going on. My husband was very depressed and he committed suicide a month after I moved out. I'm not saying that will happen to you because I'm sure our situations are different but I just wanted to tell you that your husband probably won't stop doing drugs and you have to do what is right for you. I have never done drugs in my life, and I can't understand how I wasn't able to help my husband, but I couldn't. I tried for years, and he actually did try to get help a few times by going to rehab, being put on medication, and attending AA meetings but nothing worked. If anything, it made things worse because he met new people and new connections through these meetings. The sad truth is that once a person gets addicted to a drug like cocaine it is very difficult to stop doing it and a lot of people just can't. I know how you feel when you say that you're all that he has because I felt the same way. But you have to accept the fact that YOU CAN'T save him. Your husband will be okay. He needs to learn how to take care of himself before he can take care of you and he's obviously not ready to do that. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you can find peace with your decision. Don't let guilt be the thing that keeps you there. You should feel guilty that you are allowing yourself to be so unhappy.
2016-05-18 03:17:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suspicion is that you probably feel the guilt more than he does. Your sons formative years were complete, age 12 when you and your husband divorced. Sometimes it is even a relief for the child if your marriage was as rocky as your divorce. Kids like stability. Making something up to your son can be done by going to a counselor for your anger, bitterness and depression. You don't mention how it affects him now, but maybe he could go to counseling with you as a support for you and if he needs counseling that could happen at the same time.
2007-09-20 05:00:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a life you have been through. While I was reading your story, that movie came into my brain....Double Jeopardy with Tommy Lee Jones and Ashley Judd. Have you seen it? Anyway, I am so very sorry to hear of your ordeal. Since your son is already 24, you can't very well take him shopping for toys so, if you have some money, take him on a cruise, just the two of you. If not money like me, take him to the beach, or somewhere you can both sit and talk and make mends with each other. See where he is coming from. He is old enough to understand and know if two people cannot work things out, it is for the better. Hey, good luck girl and hang in there!!! :D C. from California.
2007-09-12 17:43:07 · answer #5 · answered by Autismmomof2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you had good reasons for the divorce , and tried for custody of your son, then lat the facts speak for themselves. It was his father that made things hard for you both.
At 24 your son should be able to understand relationships between men and women , and be able to see where fault lies.
Tell him that you are still angry and bitter over what happened.
For your sake you need to put the past in the past , and get on with the life you have now .
2007-09-12 17:51:38 · answer #6 · answered by mark 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously your marriage wasn't working. You can't stay with someone because of your child. He's grown up now. Sit down, and talk to your son about it, and ask how he feels. My mom & dad's divorce hurt me, and I'm 41, but I learn to let go of the past. Start a new day today. Don't let your Ex get the best of you. We all make mistakes. That's life!
2007-09-12 17:46:43 · answer #7 · answered by Niecey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is natural to feel this way. Of course your son went through hell. That's only natural when the 2 people who are most important to him are fighting and split.
Who does your son see as the culprit in all this? That could be a big key in trying to help him lay this to rest.
If you have taken care of him all this time, then you have made it clear that you are sorry for what he has gone through.
2007-09-12 17:41:26 · answer #8 · answered by †Lawrence R† 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you've been through is not easy!
It is normal to feel that way after what happened. The key I think is having a good communication with your son. Do not jus talk to him but also listen to what he wants to say and how he feels about everything.
Love your son a much and as dearly as you can. Remember that love begets love.
2007-09-19 18:34:10 · answer #9 · answered by bibo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows already. He knows you didn't mean for him to get hurt, and that you've done everything you could to keep custody of him and keep him safe.
All you can do now is stay in touch with him, love his family, and suggest outings or vacations or holidays to spend together. Your bitterness, anger and depression need to be hidden in your pocket when you're with him. Save that for the psychiatrist & therapist.
TX Mom
2007-09-20 15:51:23 · answer #10 · answered by TX Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋