I am currently 18 years old & engaged & I'm ready to start a family after marriage. I might be starting college next year to become an R.N.. I figure if I go for L.P.N. first and get pregnant atleast half way through I'll have a job before the baby comes. But there is a problem. My fiancee wants to wait 4 years. I'm ready to have one NOW but I know I should wait until atleast half way through my 1 year of college.But he wants to be able to go out & stuff (so he's not ready). How do I convince him how ready I am & try to help him become ready for fatherhood?
Thank you.
Let me guess I am to young to be tied down? Please don't give me those answers I am not here to hear that I am here with a serious question.
Thank you!
2007-09-12 16:46:23 · 19 answers · asked by kaylajune89 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
He wanted to wait 10 years but I told him that it was too long!LOL. So getting him down to 4 was good. I know I can't pressure him & I'm not trying to. By times I plan on having the baby it'll be in about 2 years & I hope he's changed his mind by then! Thank you all!
2007-09-12 17:01:01 · update #1
To the people who are saying leave him 'cause he doesn't want a baby too you are wrong! If you love somebody you will go to the ends of the earth and beyond to make them happy. I may be young but I know what love is. I'm not going to leave him because he doesn't want a baby right now. What kind of person does huh? One that obviously doesn't love the other person. Just because he's not ready doesn't make him trash to take out it doesn't make him anything. Just please stop telling me to leave him because I know leaving him because he isn't ready isn't the answer. That's not love at all if you do that. Sure I can find any guy ready to have a child but am I going to love them as much as I love my fiancee? NO. Not close by far. I could never love someone the way I love him. He litterely saved my life, I was suicidal & he saved me!. And next June 14, 2008 we are getting married after 2 years & 8 months. Thank you!
2007-09-12 17:30:29 · update #2
Nursing is very demanding here in Iowa & you can go to a community college to do nursing it's only two years. It might not be demanding where you are but there is a guarenteed job here.
(New Jersey born & raised!) Woot woot! :P
2007-09-12 17:35:05 · update #3
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR ANSWERS I REALLY APPRECIATE IT! IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO CHOOSE WHO HAD THE BEST ANSWER BECAUSE MOST OF YOU GAVE ME GREAT ANSWERS.
THANK YOU AGAIN!
2007-09-13 04:04:56 · update #4
I had my first child when my fiance didn't want me to, I ended up alone. My pregnancy wasn't planned but I wanted a family right away and I was 20 so I thought that he would come around. He ran away.
I am now happily married and have my 16 yr old daughter and my 3 yr old son. Having a child with a man who says he is not ready is not fair to the child, it isn't about what you are ready for once that baby comes it is about what is best for the baby. What is best for the baby is parents who both want them from day 1. I advise you to wait until he is ready as well. Also, having a baby is wonderful but I had my Brenna while in the midst of getting my R.N. and it was horrible. I had to go to class and be gone 5 hrs a day and study at least 8 hrs a night and when she was 13 months old and I was doing my homework she took my A&P book off the table and dragged it to the trash. My life should have been more focused around that baby not school. Wait until you have your degree and 6 months on the job before you get pregnant only to garauntee maternaty leave and your job when you go back.
Good luck and remember it is about what is best for the baby!
2007-09-12 17:02:06 · answer #1 · answered by New England Babe 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I already am an RN. I finished my RN before I met my husband. I finished my BSN at 27, pregnant with my first baby [ and working full time as an RN in the Air Force besides taking 15-16 credits a semester ]; and my Master's at 32, pregnant with my second, working full time as an RN in the Air Force.
I do not recommend this to anyone!
1] going to college is hard work! Nursing courses are not easy, and you must get a really good GPA to be accepted into the college of nursing.
2] marraige is also hard work! There is a lot of obvious and not so obvious changes, for good or bad, which can cause a lot of stress physically and emotionally.
3] babies are the hardest work of all! Take what you know about babies, even if you have taken care of them all your life, and multiply the workload by three! And that is with a healthy baby. God forbid you or the baby has a problem.
My advice is finish school first. Every person you ask will tell you the same. Something will suffer - you, the kid, the marraige, or your college. Which one do you want to bail on?
And my husband and I had been married several years and were already financially secure.
I know that isn't what you wanted to hear, but it is the truth, and I am serious.
2007-09-12 17:06:39 · answer #2 · answered by Nurse Susan 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am in nursing school now. It is WAYYYY too hard to try to do while pregnant. It is physically and mentally challenging. I'm in class from 6:45 am until 3pm, PLUS clinicals and HOURS of studying EVERY DAY. When would you have time for a baby AND all that AND your marriage AND you??
Just wait until you are finished with school. It is the smart thing to do for you, your child and your marriage. Having a child is VERY hard on a relationship. You give up most of your time for your child. That first year and a half with a child is SO hard. I couldn't bear to leave my baby with anyone else when he was first born, but if you try to have a baby while in nursing school, that's what you will have to do. When you are accepted into the program, it isn't like the rest of college, you go every semester or quarter on a set schedule until you are done. If you drop out of the program, it is sometimes impossible to go back in.
Once you have your RN, your hus will see how hard you have worked to make this happen and he will be ready. Just let him know that you will be ready when you graduate and get a job, so get ready for it. You'll be making enough money to care for you and your family.
Don't pressure him. You need his support on this. Otherwise, he will resent you both.
2007-09-12 17:30:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you need to not be with a man who is not on the same page with what you want.
I will say that having a baby will totally tie you down.
If you do get your LVN, the chances of becoming an RN will be slim. I know. I have been there done that.
A baby is a huge choice to make. A teenager is heavy duity job.
Please don't jump the gun in life. I did and gosh now I regret it.
You have only been in the world for 18 years. I have been in the world 57 years now. And I still regret not getting my full education and live a while before becoming an adult so soon.
I know you don't want to hear it, but youo really are so young.
My daughter had her first child at 20 and she is a great mom but it kept her from being a young adult and making her grow up sooner than she should of.
The man you love at 18 is a totally different man that you will love when you figure out who you are and what you really want in life. I speak from experience.
If you are totally serious about an engagment & a baby...and your bf doesn't agree. .. Then why be with him?????
This is a huge decision and should come from both partners.
He might be wonderful and you might always love him, but hon, you are way to young to make such big choices. I know at your age I thought I knew everything in life. Gosh, was I wrong. So...... if you truely want a baby & marriage, you need to find a man you love and who wants the same thing.
If your bf give in to you, it will be an issues for the rest of your lives together. He might think that giving in to what you want is his way of showing such true powerful love, but it isn't. True love makes a joint decision. Not one person calling the shots and the other finally giving in is any way to start a life time together.
Please don't have such a narrow view of life. you have plenty of time to be an adult. More time than you can ever imagine.
2007-09-12 17:17:24 · answer #4 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know you probably do not want to hear this but I would really wait for a few years before you start having children. You will never get this chance again. This is the time for you and your soon to be husband to have time together, just for the two of you. You will be doing so much adjusting to each other. I know they say this is the "honeymoon" period but let me tell you that sometimes it is just plain tough. I got pregnant after 10 months of marriage and I really wish we had had more time together, just the two of us. Besides, after you get your degree and have a job as an RN, you will be able to save up money so you can take some time off after the pregnancy. Believe me when I say that you will need the money. Being poor is not fun. Besides, what is your rush... You have your whole life ahead of you. Good luck, and remember the choices you make now will affect your whole life. Use your head not your emotions.
2007-09-12 17:05:17 · answer #5 · answered by Bookworm4124 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't pressure your soon to be husband. You need to sit down with him and talk this out more. Come to some kind of agreement. Waiting will not be the worst thing in the world. Start out by going to college and building a life with your husband. Then worry about having a baby. I was 19 when I had my son. I was too young to have a baby. I just had my daughter 8 months ago at almost 28 years old. Waiting was the best thing I could have done. Good luck with whatever choices are.
2007-09-12 16:55:51 · answer #6 · answered by lnlyheart123 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think marrying young is wonderful. My husband and I married young and are still going strong and still very much in love after nearly 17 years of marriage. We waited 5 years before having children and I'm glad we did. It allowed our relationship to blossom and for us to connect as a couple. Having children early is also a wonderful idea but both of you need to be committed to the idea. Raising babies is the hardest thing I have ever done but it is also the most rewarding. You need to be a committed team. If he's not ready and you are you are best off waiting until he is ready or it will cause all sorts of cracks in your relationship. Children need both parents and bringing them up when your relationship is secure and they are a desired part of it is vital to the survival of your partnership. You are young and time is on your side. Perhaps if you give your relationship 1-2 years before having children your fiancee may then be ready to bring children into the equation. If you force this issue too early you may find he wants to bail out or you are left holding the baby and he is gone! Good luck!! Also if you are planning on becoming an R.N. it may be worthwhile working towards getting your midwifery certificate so you can talk to lots of new mums and spend time with lots of young babies as you sound very child and family orientated. Best of luck!!
2007-09-12 17:06:58 · answer #7 · answered by mummy38 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There is no way to "convince" him! It is important that you come to an agreement now and stick with it! 4 years is not so bad... you may find that he is ready sooner... or you are not ready when it comes to that point! Just be sure you are willing to wait for the agreed upon time! It puts a lot of stress on a relationship when you are constantly bringing up something that has already been settled! Also.. it is kind of demeaning to him to say that you don't want to wait! Here he is begging to just have you all to himself for a while.. and you are saying that that's not good enough! Love him! Have fun together... because he is RIGHT in saying that once that baby comes.. your lives together will forever be changed!
2007-09-13 02:51:54 · answer #8 · answered by Songsdeli 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are ready and he's not, then it is not fair for you to force him. You can't make an adult to be ready for a big responsibility like a baby. Plus, you are still young, you can wait a couple of years (doesn't have to be four) and go to college and get a job. Save some money, hopefully in the end having a baby after you have a little saving might be easier for you and him. If he's not ready and you still get pregnant anyway, then it's not fair for the baby either. Wait a little bit, be patience, who knows, he might change his mind after one year or two!
2007-09-12 16:57:53 · answer #9 · answered by bandit 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
okay, im kindof in the same boat as you are, but im 21. i know you dont want the answers saying your too young, but if you didnt want peoples honest opinions than you shouldnt have asked the question. I undestand the want to be a mamma. but i highly recommend finishing school first. school, working, a baby, and a brand new husband (and wedding) is A LOT! just give yourself two years. talk to your fiancee and try and make that compromise. you both need to be in it and committed to it TOGETHER. trust me, enjoy the time being engaged and the wedding. enjoy all the attention being on you and all the bridal showers. then focus on baby. plus, if you wait until your done with school you have a better chance of finishing and you are GUARNTEED in giving your child a better life. good luck! I hope everything works out for you
2007-09-13 02:06:20 · answer #10 · answered by Kelly 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋