my mom n dad jus got divorced and i dont know wat to do because he was the perfect father figure until recently when i found out he was into addictions and women n we r about to move out far away, my mom n me, n i dont know wat to think of him because he is my dad n i love him but i hate him for wat he did..how should i tell him how i feel without hurting him..
2007-09-12 15:01:29 · 25 answers · asked by crucita 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Don't hate your dad. He is your father and just remember all the good and great things you learned from him and the good times you two shared. It's real easy to be angry when you find someones true colors and say you hate them, but you know you are just upset right now. Talk to your dad share the anger you hold inside with him and let him know he has disappointed you. Tell him how sad you are and how you wish things could be different. I too am from a divorced family and my father had an affair. It was hard and I still resent him for what he did and I don't think things will ever be the same, but in the end he is still my father. I'm sorry to hear that you and your mother are moving far away, but hopefully you will still be able to see your dad once you feel comfortable. Don't let your mother influence you negatively... She might be upset and hurt too at the moment, but give it time and it will all heal. Talk to your dad though that is my best advise. Don't hold it in because if you do you might just feel worse. Good luck.... and remember time heals everything.
Celia
2007-09-12 15:11:59 · answer #1 · answered by Celia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What can someone expect to get by telling an adult that they were bad ? Your father is an adult, and I promise you that he knows that he messed up.
Never kick someone when they are down. That is about the meanest thing that someone can do. He may be an adult, but he still needs love and support. He must be going through hell right now. Why would you want to hurt him even more?
The very best thing that you can do right now is to simply tell him that you love him and that you miss him. Tell him no matter what happens, he is still your father, and nothing will ever change that. You don't need to elaborate or say anything more.
This is a great chance for you to act like an adult, and show just how mature you really are.
Trust me........ some day you may need a little kindness and forgiveness in your life.
2007-09-12 22:23:50 · answer #2 · answered by conim2002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a great question! I am so sorry! These are the questions that make me continue to come to this site! My parents got divorced recently and Im not going to lie to you it is very hard, but it will make you stronger in the end believe me! what your father did was wrong there is no denying that but people do make mistakes.....what u r feeling is completely normal I mean as long as your father isn't doing it anymore you should forgive him and if he still is forgive him as well it will just be harder......I would talk to him when you can on the phone and tell him how you really feel....If you still feel bad after a while and you don't feel better I would talk to a counsler and don't be embarssed if you do because I can tell you they are a life saver if you talk to the right one.....I wish you the best of luck and if push comes to shove and you need to talk to someone email me at Sportsman2727@aol.com...and ill be happy to chat with you more but please talk to someone who can help find a counsler in your area and talk because the sooner you get help the sooner you can get better.....
God Bless,
Evan
2007-09-12 22:15:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you talk to him about the situation, he should understand. I'm sure he wouldn't want to hurt his child, so he would talk to you and make you best understand what was going on in his life. If he's really the perfect father figure like you believe, then he'll respect and understand if you feel a little confused and upset about the whole situation.
If you're too scared to talk to your dad about it at first, maybe talk to your mom. She should also understand that it's a hard time for you, too. It's hard to say whether she'd say some rude things toward your dad or not because of course she'd still be feeling sore about the divorce, too.
You'll just have to bring it up with either of your parents. If you talk to either one of them then they should both hopefully understand or at least try to understand how you're feeling and that they're not the only ones upset about the divorce.
2007-09-12 22:10:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write out your feelings in a paper or two and say all the things you wish you could say to him. Then in a couple of days choose half of what you wrote and either send it to him or leave him a message. If he is addicted to drugs or what not he isn't going to acknowledge your feelings any way but you should do this to help you move on. He chose his way of life and didn't stop to think of your needs regardless of the relationship ur parents have therefore it is impossible to care for him at this time. Later on down the road if he sobers up maybe he will be mature enough to apologize to you and try to make up for his mistakes.
Take care..
2007-09-12 22:19:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not something you can tell someone without hurting them. So you can say it and just be honest, or you can keep it with you. But when you're deciding whether to tell him or not, remember that you won't see him again for quite a while. What is the last thing you want him to hear from you? I hope things work out for the best. God bless.
2007-09-12 22:06:14 · answer #6 · answered by wizball 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough situation. If you talk to him then he is already hurt. Have a conversation because soon if you move out with your mother then you won't see him for awhile. So even though he may done bad stuff, he is still your father. So just talk to him but you don't need to talk about what he did wrong. Just about you and him and how you might miss him.
2007-09-12 22:11:32 · answer #7 · answered by traceur651 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a man with some problems right now. Hopefully he will get the help he needs. Tell him you are hurt, but that you want the best for him and want him in your life as your "old" dad.
Tell him to get well soon so you can come see him.
2007-09-12 22:07:35 · answer #8 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, ask yourself, 'I may hate him, but would I want him to go to Hell?' This question often puts things in perspective for me.
When you realize how much you love him, forgive him for what he did. It's better than staying angry and letting it burn inside you like a cigarette.
Then, tell him you love him and forgive him. If he feels any remorse at all for what he did, he'll break down and cry and say all that you probably want to say right now. And if he's not, ask him why he isn't.
If you know a youth pastor or guidance counsellor, ask them to help you sort this through.
2007-09-12 22:15:51 · answer #9 · answered by FekketCantenel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you should sit him down and explain ur thoughts and wats going thru ur mind and making sure he is understanding you. And he will realize wat he did wasnt the best choice or decision. Also,talk to him about wats ur side of wats going on and making each other understand each others opinions and everything well go well and dont stress out and Good luck. I totally understand you just support ur mom and make her comfortable. Peace and love
2007-09-12 22:08:41 · answer #10 · answered by Angel13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋