My mother in law has always been a pain. Lately though she has been worse. We asked her to let the plumber into our apartment when we were working. When I got home that day from work she had snooped through our home including bathroom and bedroom and preceeded to tell me how dirty my home was, how cluttered, how I don't have the right cleaning supplies, how my laundry isn't sorted right , my beds weren't made and on and on! This is a weekday when both of us work. I was appauld by this! This isn't the first time this has happened either. She wants to control our lives right down to the day I do my grocery shopping. She tells me she is so upset because I don't go on Thurs when the store has sales! i go when I have time and when I CAN! Does anyone know what to do in this case and is this crazy or am I overreacting?
2007-09-12 14:31:34 · 11 answers · asked by Samantha 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
she's a control freak. she has anxiety. she relieves her anxieties by giving unsolicited advice. she has no life and apparently no interests to speak of.... so she meddles, tells other people what to do and acts all disappointed because they dont' do it HER WAY.
typical of someone with control and anxiety issues....
let her know she's intruding.
don't give her access to your home anymore when you're not there.
and ignore her commentary as if she were invisible.
2007-09-12 14:37:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is she yanking your husband around, too? He did cut the apron strings, didn't he? Gosh, I hope so.
This is about establishing boundaries.
About all you can do, is thank her for her advice and send her on her way, saying that you have a lot to get accomplished in a very short amount of time.
If you want, you can try to recruit the old biddie to clean your place for you... that might even shut her up!
Figure out ways to play her.
The flip side of that is to not let her into your home or have her do any of these types of errands for you.
Either way, I strongly suggest that you take a little time and put a deadbolt lock on both your bedroom door and your closet door, and USE IT.
The closet becomes a safe where you can stow anything you don't want walking off... and this really becomes valuable when you have kids. The bedroom should be totally off-limits. My parents have done this in each of their homes and it works well against snoopers and kleptos.
2007-09-12 14:53:26 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ahh; the controlling mother in law.....
Yes I have one and the only way I've learned to deal with it is to not give her an INCH to control. That means not informing her of anything that she might meddle in; house, finances, children's upbringing; doctor's appts for the kids, where I am going, etc. Also not sharing problems or family issues even when I really feel like I need to.
All she needs to hear from you is "yep, we're doing great! How are you?" That's about it. Let her know you are alive and well and doing just fine, even when you're not. That does require some sacrifices on your part; not being able to openly share info; not having financial help if you need it; or being able to get favors done. Yes it stinks. Yes it would be much better if she just kept her mouth closed and complied happily with you.
But I have learned the hard way; it doesn't and you can't change her.
Good luck in your quest to become at peace with the inlaws!
2007-09-12 14:48:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Change the locks on your door so she can not snoop when your not there and have the plumber come when your home and pay extra if you have to. It would be well worth not dealing with her lack of respect.
When she gets on your case yes her to death and just do it your way. Stop making her words so important. My mother in law had the nerve to go into my bedroom to inspect right in front of me in addition to open closets. At first I was in shock but then told her straight out that her behavior was unacceptable and unless she was going to take the job as my cleaning person I did not need her going through my things.
2007-09-14 02:42:16 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call her out of the blue and start whining about how her son is so lazy and wont help clean the house. How you ask him to pitch in and he just sits around watching tv. Make up stuff as you go (coworker with bad b.o.) and keep her on the phone for as long as you can, irrate her to the point where you can sense she might faint. Repeat the same story over and over again using different verbiage. Try as hard as it may be to keep it up for at least a week call her back to back. Then just sit back and relax b/c she will want to avoid you at any cost!!!!!!! Now if your hubby starts asking questions you can honestly say you were just telling her about ur day and maybe she misunderstood.
2007-09-12 15:12:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Urg, Well, being a "mother in law" myself, I have to tell you, I would never do that, so you are not over reacting.
First of all have you spoken with your husband? If not, do so now. Tell him in no uncertain terms do you ever want her in your apt. again.
It is just wrong to go through your home like that, hey, you are married and she disrespected this little area.
After you and your hubby sit down and talk, you didn't mention anything about him ?? how does he feel about it???
The reason she is getting worse is because no one has been up front and honest with her, so she keeps getting worse.
She needs to be told NOW, she has over stepped her boudries as her "mother in law" role. Tell her, you would like to keep things as amociable as possible however, you have your own life as she does (not really, but tell her that).
Tell you if you want her advice on ANYTHING, you will ask for it. If you don't ask for it, don't go there.
Tell her you want to have a M.I.L. relationship, but now it has to be on your terms or she is going to destroy it completely, because you really don't need this.
Oh and your husband really needs to step up to the plate. If she has always been like this, it's going to be hard on him as well, especially if he has never stood up to her before.
Try to do it nice at first but make sure she gets the message.
If that doesn't work, you're entitled to let her have it. But it might have more impact coming from her son than you, but you all need to be there.
Is her husband still alive? Maybe he should be there too so she can't go to him and tell him things were said that just aren't true.
Cover yourself with this one.
2007-09-12 14:49:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The easiest way is to stop asking her for favors (like letting in the plumber.)
2007-09-12 14:56:26 · answer #7 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never allow her to come into your home when you're not there. When she starts in about your home, tell her you run your home the way you want and if she doesn't like it, then she needs to stay home and worry about her own house.
2007-09-12 14:44:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to get out of your house until she knows how to behave like a respectful adult. Put your foot down on this subject and do NOT let up. Like it or not, sometimes, people must learn their place.
2007-09-12 14:43:04 · answer #9 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i had a mother in law like that I cut her off out of my life she needs to cut the apron strings mind her own
2007-09-12 14:38:03 · answer #10 · answered by firebird 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋