My girlfriend has a mother who is very controlling, what can I do?

Question

We are both is our late 20's, and she lives by herself, but her mother comes to visit every single weekend. ( a 2-1/2 hour drive) My GF doesn't seem to want to confront her or upset her, but I can tell that her mother can sometimes upset her. She calls all the time, and always wants my GF to check in with her when she gets home, etc, etc. My GF doesn't have her own car, and she doesn't make a whole lot of money and says she can't afford car insurance, etc. So she is still on her parents Insurance, and driving a car in her parents name. She uses things like this as leverage to get her way and guilt my GF into doing what she wants. My GF thinks she is threatened by her relationship with me, and that she gets upset easily when things (like plans) change. Her mom doesn't have any friends, and I get the feeling her and her Husband aren't happy. I don't know what to tell her to do. I like her mother and father, but It would be nice if her mom just backed off once in a while and let her be.

Answer 1

All you can do is be completely supportive to your girlfriend. Eventually she'll realize that you'll back her up and she doesn't have to jump through her mother's hoops any more. And of course her mother is threatened by your relationship with he daughter, she knows she's losing control. The best you can do there is be friendly and courteous to her so she understands that you're not just trying to take her little girl away.

Answer 2

Ouch.
Well, we are a weird species, in that usually the mother kicks the young out of the nest. And I don't just mean like the Three Little Pigs. I mean birds, deer, everyone.
Except us.
And this mother doesn't know how to let go, and this young woman doesn't know how to push off.
I suggest some counseling. Your wonderful lady friend needs to grow up, and needs a support that only an univolved other can give her.
This actually happened in similar ways with my boyfriend's son and his wife. The wife's mother wouldn't back off (and sh'es a big shot judge, the father a surgeon or some form of in-demand doctor). From 600 plus miles away, this woman would call for hours a day, and the wife would not shrug her off. The marriage was saved when the son's family suppoertively listened, until the son became clear with himself that he needed to make it clear to his wife that this was THEIR relationship, not for the mother to dictate.
Well, no divorce has occurred, and the wife beats up on his ego less.
Different details (judgment versus financial dependence), but the idea's the same.
It's up to her.
Now.

Answer 3

Her mother won't change. Your gf needs to save her own money, get her own car. If your gf wants her mom to stop calling so much, that will be up to her. Have you thought of screening your calls? As for checking in, if your gf is doing it, maybe she doesn't mind. Then again, nothing you can do. If she does mind, she needs to just not call and start telling her mom "call me if you need to talk, but I'm an adult now and I feel like you're treating me like a child. I am not going to check in"

Answer 4

ok first off, her relation ship (the mother) with her husband is not your affair and never bring it up. you need to try to befriend the mother and set some boundaries. its easier said than done but once you initiate the conversation topic the ideas just start flowing. if by some chance she confides in you show compassion and make her realize you care about her daughter. she will feel that you are responsible enough to watch over her daughter in her place.

Answer 5

until your girlfriend can get on her own feet.. a car and insurance of her own.. she is still practically dependent on her mom..

until she can stand up and tell her mom she needs some space to grow up..

Best of luck to you, cause your caught in it.

Answer 6

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