I feel like I'm being Forced to say I love You. What should I do?

Question

Well for starters its my dad. I was raised by my mom with my dad every so often or visiting or me visiting him. I never minded that I didn't live with my dad or see him that often. Don't ask me why, I just didn't. Anyway now he calls me like every week( maybe b/c I'm older I don't know) which is cool, but when we're about to hang up he aways has to say I love you and expects for me to say it back. Even just now he was like I love you and I said yea. He was like I said I Love You and so I just said it back. I don't even say I love you to my mom that often. I like him but that those words just aren't in my everday vocabulary. What should I do?

what?...I never said he left me. I just said I didn't see as often. I grew up with my mom, but I still saw my dad. Basically, I just don't feel comfortable saying I love you. I'm only forced to say it with him. I don't want to hurty his feelings, but I only want to say those words when I want to

Answer 1

As you get older, those words mean alot. He loves you, and needs to hear that you love him also. He isn't around you all the time, and actions speak more than words, so he needs to hear them. Your Mom knows you love her because you are around her all the time and show her in many ways. You'll wished you had said them more as the years go by and he is no longer there to say they to.

Answer 2

Those words aren't in my vocabulary either so I know what your talking about. My wife and I lived together for a year when I said "I think I love you" . The day we got married I said "I love you more then anything else in my life. If that changes I'll tell you"! That was almost 35 years ago and I didn't say it till a month ago
Now she is dying and I want to say it to make up for the times I didn't, when I could have, and when I should have. We will never get those times back. It's part regret that I didn't say it, and I feel a little guilty when I do say it now. It's three words that can mean a lot, or a little. Don't regret not doing it, it's not a big thing.

Answer 3

So it isn't that you don't care, you just don't want to use the word. Frankly, it isn't in my everyday vocabulary either, but it is reserved for family and that special man. I tell my child I love her. I tell my dad I love him. I tell my mom. When it comes to your parents or your children, it is just plain wrong not to say you love them. And selfish. You say you never minded that you didn't see him very often...well then he did you a favor by leaving you be. He didn't force you to give him your time, he respected your boundaries. Doesn't sound like such a bad guy, at least not in your book. Give him the words he needs. He isn't asking for hugs and kisses, just words. He needs them and it won't kill you. It might even touch a note in you and wake up an emotion that needs to be there. Tell your dad. I doubt very much, after he's dead, that you will ever sit around and say, "Wow, I wish I hadn't told Dad I loved him!" It'll be the opposite. I promise you.

Answer 4

I understand how you feel totally, I dont always want to say that. I think next week tell your dad that he is your dad and of course you love him but your not the type of person that is outwardly affectionate and says these things all the time so he can feel free to tell you this all the time but now that you have told him once he should know and not make you feel that you need to repeat it on a weekly basis. He should understand you havent seen him that regularly and if he doesn't just say its not personal you just felt he would want you to be comfortable talking to him. Good luck!

Answer 5

Well, you did a pretty good job telling us how you feel. Why don't you use the same argument when your Dad calls. It sounds pretty reasonable to me. He must know that you love him. You are talking with him on the phone and keeping in contact with him. When he does that, you can also try saying 'me too.' if he is all caught up in the gotta get her to say it. You can always hang up the phone when you are done, like when you say, 'Yea, bye.' Just hang up. Otherwise you are inviting him to press you to say it.

Answer 6

That's some pressure, and it's sad for both of you, but he needs to re-examine his fatherhood. He's being selfish.
Well, as to what you should do-
I'm the mom in a slightly similar position, although my son IS forced to show 100% loyalty to his dad, so when he dosen't say it on the phone, I wonder what that has to do with it.
Anyway,
your father needs to know exactly what you told us here.
It's much more important that you, first of all, respect your feelings, and then that he respect you, by not pressuring you.
He needs to see that putting you in a very uncomfortable position is LESS likely to make oyu love him, but to keep to yourself emotionally, even if in contact.
PS I have to handle this same situation with the man in my life. Sometimes, he says, "Thank you."
So sometimes when he tells me he loves me, I just murmur Goodnight or whatever seems a plausible response.
It becomes too routine if you just press a button and the the "right" answer comes out!

Answer 7

You need to have a 'serious face to face talk' with your father. Simply tell him that you are not COMFORTABLE with saying 'I love you' to ANYONE right now. Tell him that doesn't mean that you don't love him, only that the 'words' make you uncomfortable. Tell him you don't say them to your mom, either, and you would like him to 'respect your feelings' and not expect you to 'respond in kind' when he says 'I love you' to you. Someday you WILL be able to say "I love you, Dad" and THAT will be much more meaningful if you don't feel 'forced' to say it now.

Answer 8

You don't need to say it...Next time it comes up just explain to him that you don't say those words very often. I love you isn't easy to say. You say these words because you mean them. Sometimes even when you mean it, it is still difficult to say. Or you can also write him a letter explaining how you feel. This way it's less confrontational, less emotional. He can't interrupt what your saying...Just be honest with him. If he truly does love you he will understand.

Answer 9

Talk to him about it.... explain it the same way you did here. From what yo say here... it isn't that you don't love him, you just don't like using those words. For some reason they make you uncomfortable. If you don't tell him, you being uncomfortable may result in you resenting your dad for making you say it. So be honest with him, he may get hurt, but your self esteem and relationship with him are important.

Answer 10

You probably have not been around him enough to develop a closeness to him. I know I am a father of a 13 year old and I have been in her life from the beginning, and will be for the rest of her life. And when she says she loves me, I know its because she does. Your father should not expect you to say it if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Explain to your father your feelings. Be honest with him!