Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It’s called Sosumi.
Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage? They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them … and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
How are an apple and a lawyer alike? They both look good hanging from a tree.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side then he lies on the other.
How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? You won’t find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you’re looking for a lawyer to SCREW a light bulb…
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
What are lawyers good for? They make used car salesmen look good.
What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement? Not enough cement.
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
What does a lawyer do after sex? Pays the bill.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra? Taller.
2007-09-12 09:53:26 · 23 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
me thinking you have issues with lawyers
2007-09-12 10:05:51 · answer #1 · answered by MYKLIA G 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Now I am in a horny dilemma, or is that on the horns of a dilemma?
I have a friend of 50 years who is both an attorney and a politician. Are you telling me I should pay more attention when picking my friends? He is the on lawyer I have any contact with if that matters.
The nice thing about lawyers is it only takes a square foot of ground to bury one and there is no need for a backhoe. All you have to do is stand him on his head and screw him into the ground.
I love the Viagra one. That is the only one I hadn't heard before.
Thanks for the chuckles, even if you have heard them before they are worth revisiting.
2007-09-12 10:57:37 · answer #2 · answered by gimpalomg 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Got to love those lawyer jokes
*throws you a star*
2007-09-13 02:58:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hahahaha
2016-04-04 17:33:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hahaha nice one. There are always good jokes about lawyers.
2007-09-12 21:06:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just dont know how the hell you got 17 stars cos that aint remotely funny...not one bit of it. But I'll take 2 points...thanks!
2007-09-13 07:47:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fantastic! These are really great! I know a few lawyers I can p**s off with these!
Cheers,
C
x
2007-09-12 10:53:53 · answer #7 · answered by Clare 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ha ha funny ones. I thought all lawyer jokes were based on truth!!!
:-)))
2007-09-12 10:35:49 · answer #8 · answered by Teejay 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm now on morphine for the pain you have caused to my sides tonight!! ooh a purple rhino!
2007-09-12 09:58:05 · answer #9 · answered by . 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You just know that by typing 'Adults Only' ,each and every 12 year old currently logged on YA has clicked on this.
*sigh*
2007-09-12 09:59:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 2⤋