A lady once said to me " I just can't discipline my kids- I don't want them to hate me"-Do you feel this way?

Question

I'd like someone with this philosophy, to explain how this is good for a child?

This particular persons sons, think I'm insane because I expect them to keep gum in their mouths and not rub it into my furniture, or because I make them wash their hands at dinner time.

They constantly think I'm mean and crazy- doesn't she see that teachers, etc. are going to expect "normal" behavior too? And that these kids are suffering because they don't know what "normal" is?

I have daycare kids who are not disciplined at home- there is no consistancy- and then they have to come to my house and follow a whole other set of rules. I think it's torture for these small kids to have to understand 2 sets of rules. (At home we can hit, at Julie's we can't. At home I can go in the fridge and spill a gallon of milk, at Julie's we can't. At home I can run out of the house anytime, at Julie's I can't. ETC ETC ETC)

Answer 1

I don't understand that logic either. My sister is that way. My niece pouts her little head and my sisters lets her do what she wants. No way in hell.

But, I don't think it is such torture for the kids to have different sets of rules. Believe me, your daycare kids are probably happy to have the structure at daycare. Kids do not function well with no structure or guidance. I'd say 75% of the kids I've known attending my moms daycare over 20 years have been undisciplined when they arrived. They all do very well at her daycare once they get adjusted.

Answer 2

I cannot comprehend why any parent lets their kids get away with anything and everything, but that's the way the whole world seems to be working today. All these stupid feel-good philosophies that have popped up over the past few decades have done nothing but destroy any sense of reason in parrenting, teaching, or anything else in society. Parents have been told "don't discipline your kids, don't tell them no, it damages their self-esteem." These are the same parents who will cry foul when their kids are disciplined in school for acting out; they just don't realize the harm they're doing to their kids. Then the kids end up in prison because they have no sense of morals, rules, or laws. They think their kids hate them now if they discipline, how will the kids feel when they get a taste of the real world?

Answer 3

I so dont believe you cannot discipline kids . When my kids were little and they misbehaved they got the parking lot talk which means they knew when I went to a store and they started being bad they were going to get it when they got home . I turned that butt cherry red and my kids are now 23 and 25 and they are successfull and own their own homes and are great ppl in general . I always got compliments on how well my kids behaved in public and at home . No my kids did not run me .

Answer 4

I think the woman needs to go to parenting classes. Kids need discipline fact of life. She needs to understand that. Who cares what other people think if you make your kids chew gum in their mouths or wash their hands before dinner you're doing the right thing. Too me that's not really discpline that's just good manners.

Answer 5

People who think their kids will hate them b/c they discipline them have no idea about parenting or child sychology. Not that I know much, but I know kids need structure, and discipline is part of structure. Kids who don't get discipline will push the boundaries until they find their parents' breaking point b/c they WANT discipline, whether they realize it or not. Kids w/ absolutely no discipline, actually grow up resenting *their* parents for not caring as much as other parents, who have rules for their kids.
I'm right, check it out.

Answer 6

lol my aunt and uncle raised their children with this "philosophy" and guess what...when their oldest started kindergarten the teacher was "picking on" their poor daughter by constantly punishing her for what the teacher "claimed was bad behavior." So they switched her to another kindergarten class and it turns out THAT teacher was "out to get her" as well!! So they determined public school were the problem and put her into a private kindergarten....guess what...yep, they were "out to get her" too! So they ended up homeschooling the little brat lol

It comes back to bite those types of parents in the end (sometimes literally!)

Answer 7

My husbands ex does this with their 5 year old daughter. she basically acts like the children you describe. When she started kinder 2 weeks ago her mother took her out of school the whole first week because no one catered to their daughter and when she cried her mother jumpes and babies her. her principal finally told her that if she is going to go to that school her mother cannot stay and will not be calle dif the child cries. and his ex hates me because i also have a 7 year old daughter, and when their daughter comes over on weekends she says i pick on her and im "evil" to her because we have rules in my house. When we punish her for something she does she says "my mom doesnt make me do that or my mom says i can do it if i want" Raising a child with that attitude makes them awful to other people and hard to deal with, they have no respect for others.

Answer 8

wow I can't believe that anyone has said that. You have to discipline kids because they need structure and stablity. That lady needs to understand that she is the parent and the child needs to be discpline and if they get mad oh well they dont pay bill put food on the table who cares if they get upset. They will apreciate it in the long run

Answer 9

i dont know why people would think thats a good theory. there was this email once that called the persons mother the worst mother in the world for not allowing them to go out and party or do this or that .....then the end says thank you for being the worlds worst mother. my son tells me im not his friend any more every time he gets in trouble...and the next thing you know he doesnt hate me any more.

Answer 10

this is terrible and the daddy isn't an extremely solid one. A father ought to in no way tell there toddler that they hate them fantastically in youthful years because of the fact it outcomes the youngster emotionally and mentally throghout their life. the youngster will shop that during ideas what he mentioned and that i locate that very terrible. the youngster could the two react to appearing out even greater desirable than formerly or their character could be extremely diverse with the daddy. i comprehend how this is...i'm sixteen years previous and my father use to declare that to me and he use to need for my demise and hit me. proper now i grow to be cautioned to take some therapy and so grow to be he. My courting with him isn't an extremely solid one nonetheless. i prefer to propose that if it fairly is taking place on your houshold, this father ought to attempt getting help in parenting classes so he could properly be waiting to regulate his toddler, devoid of being hurtful to him.