I have been sexually abused by one of my close colleagues that i directly work with! what do do?

Question

I have been sexually abused by one of my close colleagues that i directly work with! I am finding it extremely difficult working with him. everyone likes him and thinks his great. he swains round like nothing has happened and is always trying to laugh and joke with me like how we use to be until he did this to me. i don't know what to do. im constantly running into the toilets crying. we went out on a night out with other friends from our work place but i never imagined he would hurt me like this

just to be clear i was sexually abused not raped

what i mean by sexually abused is that he kept touching me sexually after a number of times of me saying no

Answer 1

You must report this immediately. It could be that he has done this to other women. Make a note of what happened and at what time, in what circumstances. Keep a diary of anything significant that happens or is said between you. If you need advice contact ACAS or go to their website www.acas.co.uk. You cannot work in these conditions - this will make you ill. If you feel you cannot continue there anymore then please, get a new job. Talk to someone Honey, do not suffer in silence.

Answer 2

Some people find it difficult to know where to draw the line - this chap probably has no idea that he has offended you or hurt you. I am not clear what you mean by abuse but whatever it is, its clearly upset you. I would take this man aside, tell him that what he did was totally unacceptable and tell him you will be watching him. Make it clear that if any other incidents occur (to you or anyone else in the office), he will be reported to your senior manager and the police. Make it clear that he had better stay away from you in the office as you don't want him near you. You might want to think about the severity of the incident as you don't tell us what happened. If it was attempted rape or rape then you have to report it to the police (even if you choose not to charge the guy - its a written record). If you see it as something less than that i.e. he took advantage when you had a drink or twenty then thats up to you. All kinds of unwanted attention are unlawful and clearly wrong but you have to weigh this up, nobody can decide but you. I chose not to tell the police when a similar incident happened to me. I just told my three brothers. I will leave the rest to your imagination! Don't let them scare you - these types of people are cowards. If you stand up to him, he might try and brave it out but inside, he will be pretty unsettled!

Answer 3

I am not sure I understand what you are saying: you were sexually abused not raped???
I used to think that they both meant the same thing.
Well, if he acted in a sexually inappropriate way with you when you didn't give your consent, then you need to report him, and of course you bound to be upset when he is in your face every day without a worry in the world.
I suggest that you go and talk to your doctor, they might be able to tell the difference between what you call sexual abuse but not rape and advise you accordingly.
For now, I'd suggest that you ask for a few days of holidays or some days leave without pay.
Good luck.

Answer 4

Document every move, every minute, date, time that you recall of the incident. Even if this was a 'date', if you said 'no' and he forced himself - it was an 'assault'- not abuse. You must file a report with the police and you have to notify your company. It's a difficult situation that you are in, but you have rights and must exercise those rights to the full extent of the law. If you are more comfortable, you should make a phone call to a sexual abuse hotline and tell them your story. They have phone numbers, contacts and and support groups who can help you. I don' t know how you can stay there at the same place of employment having to face him everyday, but you have the right to work and not be deported because of what he has done. Please seek some counseling. You sound like a strong person but you are torn apart inside if you are crying and this also means you might not be fully concentrating on your job. Best wishes to you.

Answer 5

S***! Probably something that left no trace and would at best turn into a "he said, she said". Yep, just like this one person/hunk/skinhead once who approached me and when no one was around threatened to kill me for no discernible reason. I swallowed a lump in my throat and did nothing. How the hell do you go to the police for such a thing without any proof?

Anyway, I would suggest resigning from the job and requesting help from your boss in terms of a recommendation, or a transfer. Tell your boss the reasons of your request in a confidential convertation in which you explain the circumstance and that you don't have enough to go on to press charges so the convo has to be confidential (I don't know how you can legally oblige someone to have a confidential convo, look into that), but that this enviroment is no longer one you can work in. Since you are offering your resignation rather than going after him, the boss will know it's serious and not a ruse. (S)he'll either help you get a new job, or find a way to get rid of the guy without implicating you.

Answer 6

If he touched you inappropriately without your consent then you need talk to your manager and if (HE) is your manager then talk to the head in Human Resources. It could be that this is not the first time this has happened and they will either A: let him go or B: Discipline him for these actions. Every company is supposed to have a no tolerance on sexual abuse within the workplace. So talk at least to your manager to see what can be done.

Answer 7

I have also been in a situation like this. One of my co-workers did the same thing and for the longest time I didn't know what to do until one day I got so fed up and told on him. Sometimes you feel like you don't want to cause trouble or "step on anyones toes" by telling, but honestly it's the best thing I could do. That way he won't do it to someone else. I think you should report him. You shouldn't have to go to work feeling uncomfortable. Trust me, you'll feel a sigh of relief after doing so. You can't let a scumbag like him get away with it!

Answer 8

Report this to your HR department. In the US, this is considered Sexual Harrassment.

While many may think it is "my word against his," just bringing the situation to light often embarrasses the guy enough to keep his hands, comments, and thoughts to himself. He did something wrong, not you. Don't let him make you feel guilty or ashamed...that would give him way too much power.

Answer 9

Hes probably done this with other colleagues that have kept quiet about it too.
You must confide in someone you can trust and together approach your supervisor. Firms have policies in place to deal with this and it is not something they will ignore.
This man also probably thinks you are enjoying his attention, because you are saying nothing.

He will probably do it again...you must act now and tell someone...go to Human Resources if you have no-one else.
Best wishes..X

Answer 10

You say he swans around like nothing has happened - he probably thinks nothing has happened. Sounds to me like you're a bit of a drama queen or you would have done something about this much sooner.