Do cats really behave this way?

Question

CATS - YOU LOVE US REALLY

1. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good.

2. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things, This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.

3. GUESTS: Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap. If you can, arrange to have "Friskies Fish n' Glop" on your breath.
For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric colour that contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats go to black wool clothing.
For the guest who claims, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain; apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle.
When walking among the dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, "But you always allow me on the table when company isn't here."
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It isn't necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

4. WORK: If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering.
Following are the rules for hampering:
A. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You can't be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled.
B. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the humans eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself. If it is a newspaper, claw at it until shredded. Your human will appreciate a home-made toy!
C. For knitting projects, curl up quietly onto the lap of the knitter and pretend to doze. Occasionally reach out and slap the knitting needles or split yarn. The knitter may try to distract you with a scrap ball of yarn. Remember, the aim is to hamper work.

5. PLAY: It is important. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for playing catch mouse or king-o-the-hill on their bed between 2am and 4am.
MOST IMPORTANT: Begin people training early. You will then have a smooth-running household. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.

Answer 1

you cannot beat a good PUUSSY

Answer 2

I think this was written for my cat!!!!!!!!! He gets us up around 5.30am by biting our noses or pawing at our heads!

He ALWAYS sits on newspapers or the laptops (even sending out rogue emails and creating his own writing on Word!)

He sits half in and out of the patio doors in freezing weather too, but his total favourite is to announce very loudly that he wants to use the litter tray and do his (very smelly) business whilst we watch.......

Yes he has us trained!

Answer 3

Every word of that is true i have five cats and they all are smeaky like that but then so are dogs they just do it in a milder sense lol i think that this deserves a star..

good one
xxAxx

Answer 4

I had a cat for 5 years I swear she thought she ruled the world!! I loved it!

Answer 5

This was so funny, I had to email it to a friend. lol.
My poor old cat Wiskey, died about 4 years ago, but yep, its her alright.

Answer 6

I was in stitches!! It's so funny because it is 100% true without a doubt!!

Answer 7

Cats rule, dogs drool.

Answer 8

Yes all true.Please don't forget the presents that are brought home for our pleasure.

Answer 9

i think the person who wrote this definitely was a cat in a former life

lol

Answer 10

OOOOOH YES!
thanks for putting a smile on my face for the 1st time today...in fact...have star..lol

Answer 11

Ha ha ha.!!!
True and funny, lol.!!!
Excellent so 10/10.!!!
Reminds me of my cat Whiskers.!!!
Cheers.!!!