My 10 yo son beat up another 10 yo kid who tried to kiss my 8 yo daughter?

Question

i just got a call from the school. apparently what happened was this other boy had gone up to my daughter and told her that he liked her and wanted her to be his girlfriend. She said "no". he kept following her around until he had her cornered in the playground (during recess) and told her to kiss him, she told him no again and started crying, that's when my son stepped in, grabbed a hold of the boy, and almost knocked the kid out (gave him a bloody nose & his mouth was bleeding. Both boys were suspended. the other boy apologized, but my son wouldn't.he told me he wasn't sorry for what he did,and he would do it again if he had to(the Lord blessed me with a stubborn one).I'm a little confused on if/how i should punish him. both my kids (along with some of my other children) are still grounded and working off the damage they caused to our neighbors pool(they and a few other neighborhood kids were throwing rocks).opinions on how i can teach him a lesson in how violence in not the answer.

i think it's awsome that he looks out for his younger siblings, but i don't approve of him punching other kids. he could have gotten a teacher or somebody.

Answer 1

Violence is not an answer but yous son did what i would call to be right..

He was protecting his little sister..

I wouldn't add to his punishment personally - but I would sit him down and talk to him..

Explain how protecting his sister is great, but next time he should get a teacher cause punching someone is not the way to solve the real problem (of a bully backing a Little girl into a corner)

And look on the bright side your son may have just stopped a future rapist in his tracks and taught him a valuable lesson early enough to prevent the behavior...


Good luck and hope you find a solution that works for you

Answer 2

I think he was right.

Violence is not the answer if he's fighting over a toy someone else has that he wants, and it's not the answer when he want's to cut in front of everyone to the front of the line...BUT to protect his little sister from an older bigger boy?? I think your son was right on track, perhaps a little too enthusiastic...but on the right course none the less.

I would not punish him over this. He was doing the right thing, regardless of what the school policy is...he was protecting his little sister and that was the correct thing to do.

I would sit him down and talk to him about how he should try to use his words FIRST and his fists LAST and only if need be, because I'm sure that if he has indicated to the other boy that if he didn't leave his sister alone that your son would knock his block off...the boy probably would have made himself scarce and left your daughter alone...

So sometimes violence (in defense) IS THE ANSWER...but it doesn't have to be the first and only answer.

I would just talk to him and tell him that what he did was right, but that it was also overkill and maybe next time he should talk first and hit second.

Kudos to your boy!

Answer 3

I personally would not punish him for this but I would fully explain that the only reason that he is not being punished is because he was protecting his sister. I would also explain that another way to handle the situation may have been to grab the boy and allow his sister to get away with out actually punching him and then following up w/ a teacher/playground monitor. I also would not force him to apologize if he truly is not sorry. That is just teaching him to lie. I teach my child that violence is not the answer but sometimes it must be used to protect yourself or others. For example I had no problem telling my daughter to punch/hit/kick or whatever she needed to do to a child that had tried to choke her at school if they did it again. There is no time for "reporting it to a teacher" in a situation like that. Your son probably felt he had to do what he could for his sister himself since the boy had been harrasing his sister for at least a few min on the playground and no one (such as a teacher or monitor had noticed). For children who are really stubborn or have tempers they often act before they think so that is why i thnk its important that you let him know that he did a good thing by protecting his sister but to try to think of alternate ways to do it in case the situation arises again! (But after word gets around about what happened I bet she will be safe for a while at least!)

Answer 4

Good for your boy! Your children should have eachother's backs. Your daughter was violated first. Just because she wasn't hit or punched doesn't mean she wasn't violated! She was being harassed and she clearly said "NO," multiple times. Your son did the right thing. I wouldn't punish him for that. Teach him not to start fights or be a bully. But definitely teach him how to protect himself and his siblings. I'm glad your son is sincere and honest. Why should he give a phony apology if he doesn't mean it? So what, you want a liar now? And he was honest, "If it happens again, I'll clean your clock again!" Hey, I'm not mad at him! And I will raise my child the same way, to protect himself and his (future) siblings, as I was raised. Your son is not a bully. He doesn't go around looking for a fight. But there are certain situations in life where you have no choice. He used his best judgment. Put yourself in his shoes. So, instead of punishing him, talk to him. Importantly, tell him you appreciate him looking out for and protecting his sister! If you don't like the way he handled it, give him some suggestions on how to handle a situation like that should one arise in the future, he is only 10, you know. But punish him, this situation does not warrant punishing.

Answer 5

I wouldn't "punish" him---I would get him to come up with a list of things he could have done instead of punching the kid such as standing between the two of them, or leading his sister to a teacher, or screaming his head off or barking like a dog or something else to get attention while standing next to them.

Bottom line for your TEN year old son is he saw his smaller, younger sister in jeopardy and he made the best decision he could with the TOOLS he had at the timeKids don't have a limitless list of options to choose from--they choose what to do from the short list they have.

It sounds like he saw his choices as:
A) Let the kid assault his frightened little sister.
B) Grab the kid and stop him from hurting his sister.

If those were his only choices, which one would you want him to choose?

Maybe you wish he had done something else---but it is up to YOU to give him better tools including a way to come up with better options than hitting someone.

I don't blame him for not wanting to apologize...given those choices above he made the only choice open to him and he was reacting quickly.

He did the best he can---now you do the best you can to give him more choices by brainstorming other things he could have done and talking about situations he may encounter as he gets older where using his fists may be the first thing that comes to mind.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Punish him? I would reward him for looking out for his little sister.
I guarantee you that no other boy in the school will mess with your daughter again.
It was right for the school to suspend both boys. But your son is willing to take his punishment for doing what is the right thing. Good for him. And I don't blame him for not apologizing. He's right. If it happened again, he should do it again.

Also, picture this scenario: You and your wife are at the mall. Some brute corners her and says he wants to kiss her. Do you go get mall security while he violates your wife, or do you protect her and deal with the consequences?

Answer 7

I know growing up I was very protective of my sister. Now I have to wonderful children my daughter is 17 and my son is 16. My son is very protective of his daughter and would stand up for her in a heartbeat. I would expect him to stand up for his sister if she needed it. I can't see a reason for you to punish him. The only thing he could learn from that is that if his sister is in trouble he should turn his back on her. I don't think so. I don't think many of the other boys in the school will decide it's a good ideal to mess with your daughter and you should be thankful for that.

Answer 8

At his age, he is doing what comes naturally, hes protecting his little sister. Good for him! It sounds like the other kid had it coming. But.....violence is never a good thing to advocate. I wouldn't push making him apologize because, well, he is being honest and isnt sorry. I think that a punishment is appropriate but not too harsh. What if his sister gets into a jam and she NEEDS him to protect her at some other point?

Answer 9

♥ Aww how sweet is that? He was protecting his little sister. As good as we see that as being, the action of hitting this other kid was not the right thing to do. Maybe have him write an essay on why violence is not the thing to do and ask him what he should have done instead [[told an adult, etc]]. This will hopefully get him thinking & he'll understand that although his heart was in the right place that his actions were still wrong.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Congrats on having kids who stick up for one another! I would let him off kinda light - Have a talk with him about how that situation could have been handled without violence and how he will handle himself without violence in the future. Then give him a light punishment, like no dessert tonight or he goes to be early tonight (one day or one thing only). Also tell him how proud you are that he stood up for his little sister!