I'm 24 wks along with my 1st. Advice from friends, family, and complete strangers has already started rolling in, along with awkward questions from total strangers. How to deal? I'd rather not be rude. For example:
When I tell people we're only planning on having one child, some of them act like it's a form of child abuse not to provide my kid with a sibling.
When strangers ask me about my breastfeeding plans. Yes, I plan on breastfeeding, but is it really everyone else's business??
People who try to talk me into or out of things like epidurals, cervical blocks, and natural, drug-free childbirth...and then there's the whole stay-at-home mom vs. working mom issue...all personal decisions...
I've even had little old ladies ask me about my bowel movements?!?
Just wondered how the rest of you dealt or are dealing with all that... Maybe the pregnancy hormones are making me extra annoyed...thanks :)
2007-09-12 04:58:29 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I'd just say "thanks, I'll take that into consideration". but for me, most of the unwanted comments/questions/advice came from my own mother. i knew she was only trying to help but at times, especially after the baby was born, she just wouldn't back off! I felt like she thought I wasn't doing a good enough job at being a mom and like she was trying to take over. I finally just had to sit her down and tell her "mom, thanks for everything, i know you want to help but i'm going to do things my way and if you don't always agree i'm sorry but this is my child and i'll figure out whats best for us"
2007-09-12 05:14:05 · answer #1 · answered by blondie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's only going to get worse after the baby is born. Toting around a cute little bundle makes you a target for conversation. I theorize that the site of a pregnant woman or a mother of a baby just reminds most people of the most important and special times in their lives and they can't help but come up and want to share this with you. Maybe it's just human nature. I bet that a pregnant cave momma woud come home rolling her eyes because the other cave woman down aways told her she should really use mammoth skin to wrap her babe because it insulates the best.
My best advice is to humor them, and then turn it around to a question about "their" child. You would really be doing them a favor. Honestly they are just trying to bond with you. I know it can be hard when you are a hormonal pregnant woman who just wants to wear a t-shirt that says, "I'm 4 months, its a boy, I'm breastfeeding, it's my first, if you have any other questions leave them at my voicemail: 1-800-go away"
I'd have to say the question that bothers me the most with my toddler who has spirally hair is, "Is that her natural hair?" No, I perm my toddlers hair, isn't it pretty? Oh how I would love to answer that way!
2007-09-12 16:10:27 · answer #2 · answered by ☼Pleasant☼ 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just take it all in, smile and nod and thank them for their advice. It's really the only way to get rid of them!!! They feel like they've shared a valuable piece of wisdom and you can walk away and continue with the plans you've made. While it can make you crazy, there is no sense in getting into an arguement with a stranger you'll never see again.
When it comes to friends and family, just politely thank them for their advice and let them know where you stand on certain issues and that you've made your decision (just like they did when they were pregnant!).
As far as people asking about bowel movements, I would just let them know that's a little too personal to discuss with a stranger!
(PS: it only gets better when your baby is born and everyone starts handing out information on how to care for your child!)
Good Luck and Congratulations!
2007-09-12 05:11:50 · answer #3 · answered by Proud Mommy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You sound like me! We have one child (she turns one the 22nd!) and want only one, I breastfed, I wanted a natural birth. Some people just don't get it or want to. But they're quick with the advise. Most of it, I just nodded and said thanks, even thought most of it was just well-meaning crap. Take the good stuff and forget the rest.
As to the one child plan, I am SO sick of people acting like the fate of the world is based on your womb! I'm an only child, and I'm just fine. My daughter is just fine. After her birth it was easier to deal with. I'd tell them, "Why would I need another child when I have the perfect one?"
For some reason, a pregnant woman is perceived by some people as public property. You can always answer, "That's private, but thanks for asking." Maybe they'll get the hint.
Isn't it funny how THEY'RE being rude, and WE'RE the ones worrying about hurting people's feelings?
To all advise givers: Keep it to yourselves unless asked. Especially if you are a stranger!
Good luck and congrats on the babe!
2007-09-12 05:21:16 · answer #4 · answered by BellasMom 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Everyone gets this. People are always giving advice. We had it really bad because we had identical twins (people would literally cross the street to ask us if they were twins and to give us advice).
Smile, nod, and move on. They think they are being nice and helpful, and doing anything else will only upset them.
For example, one time when we were asked if our daughter were twins I said, "No, they're clones", the person got very upset and clearly thought I was being rude. What she didn't realize is that we got asked this question 5 times a day.
2007-09-12 05:07:52 · answer #5 · answered by Wundt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only take advice from people who already have kids, but with a grain of salt. Not everyone has the same experiences.
You should just read books about expecting and parenting written by doctors to get the best perspective.
2007-09-12 05:04:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Thank you for the advice, but what worked for you and your family is different from me and my family.
They're just trying to be helpful and end up being annoying. Pretty soon all the attention will leave you and be on your baby. It's something we all go through when we're pregnant.
Try throwing some humor into it - and see what types of reactions you get then!
2007-09-12 05:18:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's completely normal for people to do that. Not sure about the BM thing though, LOL. Just take it with a grain of salt, unless someone crosses the line by being too pushy about their opinions. Then it's time to let the ole hormones come out of you and take care of things. He He He
2007-09-12 05:08:11 · answer #8 · answered by sm17 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's common. Kinda like a little club that only women can belong to, so they feel that these questions are purely appropriate. I'd just smile and say you've got your plans made, or are researching to find the best fit for your situation.
It is odd how passionate people get about their own preferences. I say, whatever you are comfortable with.
Good luck.
2007-09-12 05:03:37 · answer #9 · answered by justme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People feel at ease with pregnant women and most of the time make harmless comments - do not share personal information and they won't ask you personal questions. If you start a conversation then people feel the need to share their experiences. Take what is useful to you and discard the rest.
2007-09-12 05:05:31 · answer #10 · answered by phantom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋