My baby is due the end of Oct. and my boyfriend's dad (the grandpa) is an alcoholic. I dont want my daughter to be around him until he straightens up. He's been drinking non stop almost for over a year, and I dont want my daughter to have any part in that...I am trying my best to deal with it myself and not let him stress me out. You would think someone in their mid 60's would have their life together..but I guess not.
Am I wrong for not wanting him to be around my daughter at all??
thanks for any answers
2007-09-12 04:32:44 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
so your telling me people are born with alcoholism..comon on, idiot
2007-09-12 04:40:50 · update #1
yes I know his story...he smokes in his house so I wouldnt bring my baby to his house either...
2007-09-12 04:43:07 · update #2
oh and one more thing, hes been to rehab...twice and my bf's brother just had a baby so a baby will not make him get his life together..this will be his 12 grandchild!
2007-09-12 04:49:13 · update #3
It is your job as a parent to protect your child, period! If there is anyone who you don't want your child to be around, for any reason, then that's your right as a parent and you don't have to justify that to anyone. Be strong and confident in your decision because you're doing the right thing. The reasons behind his alcoholism are irrelevant. Remember, it is a privilege- not a right- for people to be involved in your child's life. And titles don't matter, whether it be grandpa, grandma, auntie, etc. If they don't set a good example for your child, protect your child themselves, and assist you in raising your child to be a productive, honest, caring & responsible adult, you don't need them around. There's nothing to stress about! You will be making these decisions for the rest of your life now that you have a child. It's very simple. And it boils down to this: "Is this in the best interest of my child?" If yes, proceed. If no, then make the necessary adjustments. Don't wrap your emotions around it, just do what's best for your child. These things are NON-NEGOTIABLE, so don't allow anyone-including your boyfriend-to try to make "deals" with you. Your child's life, well-being, and upbringing are not to be negotiated! Raising your child properly is your #1 priority. Be strong, you can do it! Best to you and your baby!
P.S. Please don't listen to some of the silly answers to this questions such as, "babies are a good influence on alcoholics," and "the baby might help him see that he needs help," etc. That's not only stupid, reckless and irresponsible but it's just plain wrong! Don't allow your child to be born with a job! It's not your child's job to reform this man or help him realize anything. If the man wants to be involved in his grandchild's life then he'll get his **** together! It's that simple. He will have to make that decision. And he'll have to live with the consequences. It won't be you "shutting him out." If he doesn't get it together then he's shutting himself out. In life you have to live with the decisions you make. Grandpa can't have it both ways! Don't lower your standards because it's the grandfather or anyone else! Don't ever sacrifice your child for anyone. PROTECT YOUR CHILD!
2007-09-12 05:19:38 · answer #1 · answered by mommy07 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can't give you a straight yes or no answer..there are a lot of factors..
You are right to not want your daughter around an alcoholic...
But it is wrong to deny your child there grandparent - and the grandparent the child...
Maybe your baby would be just the kick he needed to get on the wagon...first time someone holds their new grandchild it can be an amazing feeling for them..
I wouldn't leave your child there alone, but you should take your baby to visit (only in short periods of time maybe) let them develop a relationship - it could be a life saving relationship for the grandpa
Not that I condone drinking at all...BUT
I wouldn't judge him so harshly - do you know why he is an alcoholic..what the circumstances are? Has he lost his wife, his job, his home anything major that he might not know how to emotionally cope with?
Good luck I know how hard a decision this is for you
2007-09-12 11:39:53 · answer #2 · answered by Finchy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you are not. My first husbands dad was/is an alcoholic as well and after we had our daughter i told my husband that his father was not allowed in our home if he had been drinking, smelled of liquor or was drunk. Just like you, I didnt want my kids to be exposed to that. The kids probably saw "Grandpa Al" twice a year and it was only when i was able to monitor what they were exposed it. They didnt even really know who he was when he was around cuz they had such little contact with him. He is still an alcoholic, my kids are 11 and 9 and their dad and i are divorced so i dont have as much control over when they see him. They are old enough now that i can explain alcoholism to them and use it as a tool to teach them drinking isnt something they should do. Good luck with it all and hopefully your man will stand by you in your decisions.
P.S. Just a fun side note, my ex and i got married at 10am on a Saturday and his father came drunk, probably from the night before and had to wear sunglasses in every picture we allowed him in cuz his eyes were so bloodshot..... then during the reception he proceeded to hit on me and try to touch me while dancing. It was nasty! The sad part is that i knew him while a short time period when he was sober and he was an amazing, wonderful, caring person who would have been an awesome grandpa! Sad thing!!!
2007-09-12 11:57:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong for not wanting your baby to be around the alcoholism, but I think it's important for the grandpa to see your baby, they are family. What you can do is have grandpa over your house where the air is clean and don't provide alcohol. You never know the effect this baby can have on him. He may want to be involved in his grandchild's life and may consider not drinking the days he comes over.....family is precious, do what you can to bring them together. If it doesn't work well, at least you can look into your child's eyes years from now knowing you did what you could to bring them together....best of luck.
2007-09-12 11:59:28 · answer #4 · answered by Poptart 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you wrong - no. Are you going about this wrong - - partly.
Your top priority is your baby. However, you need to realize that grandpa should have time with the baby even if you don't like his alcoholism.
If he comes for a visit and is drunk, you have every right to say "come back when you are sober and you can see her".
You should never leave the baby with him unsupervised.
If his alcoholism is out in the open, I suggest you give him a list of local AA meetings in the area.
Don't cut him off completely, but don't put your child in harm's way.
Perhaps your baby will be a motivation for him to seek help.
2007-09-12 11:42:15 · answer #5 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Most definately not!! I totally agree with you. Obviously I wouldn't let the baby be in his care. But once in a while you can go for a VERY supervised visit. Just so that the baby doesn't miss out on a grandpa and the grandpa doesn't miss out on a grand-baby. Hope I helped.
2007-09-12 11:36:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know what is best for your kid..my expierence is this..dont completly shut off comm with grandpa n baby bc kids are positive influences on alcholics...it may help him see that he needs help. I am not sayn let him be around the baby by himself...but i would not advise complete alienation at first as i see that it would make drinking worse. If it gets worse then do what you gotta do , but TRY first. Best wishes
2007-09-12 12:03:58 · answer #7 · answered by kristy M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello:
No,you are not wrong for not wanting him to be around your daughter at all! My husband's family was very dysfunctional and we cut ties with them permanently. I would not allow your daughter to be around him UNTIL HE CAN PROVE that he is willing to change for the better. Alcoholism is a disease and the only way he will ever change is if he gets the professional help and counseling that he needs to stop drinking.
2007-09-12 11:41:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't think so you are wrong.
In Chinese there has a conversation : when you are near to a good man, you are a good man also. when you are near to a bad man, you are a bad man also.
Last month, in Hong Kong, there has a news said that a young boy had learnt from his father how to make up a fire from a match or from a gas. After his parent went to work, he made up a fire from a match. The result was 2 young children had burnt over 20%. Their home became ...........
no more!!
So don't let him around your daughter at all.
2007-09-12 11:45:31 · answer #9 · answered by Chan A 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I see why you wont want him aroung the baby, but if you want hin to see the baby just so for a little and watch him that hes not doing anything crazy. Maybe once he see's the baby it will make him get his life 2-gether. A baby especially his grandbaby will warm his heart.
2007-09-12 11:43:26 · answer #10 · answered by ?????? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋