How can a woman be inquisitive but not seem like she is being nosy?

Question

I ask a question on here a few minutes ago and got some good answers. One was in reference to my boyfriend who thinks I am nagging all the time and nosy. If I am I don’t mean to be. I care about him. He gets upset when I ask him what’s wrong? If I ask him something about his day, something his friend did or if he tells me something and I don’t understand it I will ask him more questions about it and he says man I shouldn’t have even brought it up. And he tells me I am nosy because I ask too many questions, but I am just an inquisitive person and I require a lot of detail. I have explained this to him before but he doesn’t see it that way. Or if I tell him that he is sweet for things that he does, that gets on his nerves, he says men aren’t sweet. But I think he is sometimes so I tell him. Or if he tells me he is sick, has a toothache or something I am trying to make him feel better, buy him medicine and that bothers him, he says he doesn’t need to be petted.

My question is someone commented that I need to work these questions in another angle. How do I do that? I don’t know how…men coming from your experiences…what drives you crazy, would the things above? And what works with you to get you to open up? Thanks for your answers in advance.

Answer 1

I think inquisitive is just a synonym for nosy. I'm a woman too. I admit to being a nosy person. It's not our fault. It's because of the estrogen!!!
In this case though, I think you're just trying to maintain open communication with your bf and he's not receptive. He sounds a little edgy and tense. Since you are aware of the fact that he's not open to being nurtured or sharing his feelings you should decide if this is a relationship worth working to keep.

Answer 2

It's good to be inquisitive about your bf or man. That means you're so interested to get to know him.
Be sure that the way you ask this is not "nagging."
Ask in a creative, subtle way that you don't sound jealous or a ******.
when you ask these stuff or various inquisitions, be sure that he is in the right mood so timing has to be right, ok.
i tell you... men can be even as more complex and complicated to understand than women.
at times men wants to feel just be men.
but it is good you care for him and show affection.
good luck.
here's a good one: google your bf but be strong on what you may find. best way to google a person is write his code or email address and voilà!
though that's being nosy yet there are facts you'll know that he wont reveal that google may give you the answer but remember, past is past... (usually what you'll find in google are long past gone or recent past) so be sure to know how to discern well the good and bad info.

anyway good luck!

Answer 3

Well, your not a nosy person. I'm like you too, I need information to work with to get a clear picture of the situation.

If your trying to work a different "angle" on your question-asking try active listening. However, this also may seem like more question asking.
In active listening you return what your BF told you in a form of a question that gets him to feel like your understanding him and thus he releases more details. Active listening is used a lot with kids, and it should work with your BF cause he sounds like a kid--- sor'we, but he does.
Asking question does feel intrusive. Sometimes a guy wants the matter to just be settled, but it never really is settled with us. Sometimes we do need proding to get to the heart of the matter, and usually the heart of the matter is very sensitive.

Answer 4

There is NOTHING 'wrong' with you ... there is something 'terribly wrong' with your boyfriend. What you have described is the 'beginning' of what could become an 'abusive relationship' where YOU are 'trained' to think that everything YOU 'think' is 'wrong' and that everything he does is 'correct.' If I were you, I would take a 'good long look' at the relationship ... and then I'd 'run' and take some time to 'recover' from this before you start to look for a 'good relationship.'

Answer 5

Giving men too much attention, and to much pampering can lead to two things: They either get spoiled or they feel choked. Trying to know every details of how he spend his day would make it seem you are guarding him and keeping track of his moves- which could also mean you are not trusting enough or giving him space to breath. If you cannot stop talking and he gets annoyed of many questions, then I suggest, tell him about how you spend your day instead.

Answer 6

You are a mothering nurturing type of gal, and this guy simply does not want that - he feels smothered and "mothered", and is totally insecure about it - - is it possible for you to back down and for him to not "find" fault with you anyway?? I DOUBT IT. It is NOT that you are doing anything WRONG - the world NEEDS nurturing women like you - that's where nurses and the like come from - - what is WRONG, is that you are the way you are, and HE just is not up for it.

If you CAN'T tone down your mother instincts with HIM, you need to move on to a guy who WANTS or NEEDS that special part of you.

Answer 7

You seem to be a care taker.. and this isn't always a good thing.

If another adult has problems, well, let them deal with it. It is quite OK to tell your boyfriend "i see you have a problem, and i am here if you need to talk".... beyond that, leave him alone. He will come to you if he wants to talk.

Maybe you could try doing more for YOU and less for others? sometimes we overdo it....

Other adults are perfectly capable of doing things for themselves, and when they need some help, they usually ask.

that's my best answer.

Answer 8

Maybe he feels like he's being smothered, perhaps you're paying a little too much atttention to him and it bothers him being on the spotlight 24/7...try giving him his space...and just stop asking him questions...i mean would you like to come home and feel like you're being interrogated? if you keep this up he's going to want to leave you, just chill and try talking about yourself every now and then..

Answer 9

Hi, you either need a man who is more appreciative of your amazing qualities

or

Learn to listen more.

Perhaps you give and give too much. You must find a balance between give and take. And find someone who'll respect you for it.

Answer 10

It sounds like you are being too pushy and wanting too many details. You should realize when your man wants to talk and when he doesn't. Let him tell you what he wants to, and let the rest of your questions go unspoken. Don't baby him.