Depression and dealing with a relationship?

Question

For anyone who suffers from it, did/do you find it difficult, if not impossible, to give anything to a relationship? Do you feel that you have nothing to offer, and cannot give yourself to someone in a relationship? If so, why do/did you feel that you were not giving enough? Is it just a result of lack of emotional energy?

My ex is the one going through this, although we have little communication because I want to let him have his space. We've been apart for about 7 months now, but I still really care for him and worry. I've told him time and time again that I am always here for him if he needs anyone to talk to or listen, let him know that I care and encouraged him to get help. Should I continue to keep in light contact with him every once in a while? You know, just send an email or something letting him know that I care and am thinking about him? Or have I done enough, all that I can do, and should I just step back and let him come to me? I don't want him to feel I've abandoned him

Answer 1

The pressure of being in a relationship can feel overwhelming to someone living with depression. When you’re struggling with an illness that makes you tired, sad, and generally uninterested in life, often the last thing on your mind are the needs of others. Equally frustrating and emotionally draining is trying to maintain a relationship with someone who’s depressed. It’s hurtful and confusing when loved ones increasingly isolate themselves, pull away, and reject others’ efforts to help. All of these feelings and reactions can damage relationships, whether they’re with spouses, partners, children, or friends.

When you’re in a relationship with someone experiencing depression:
Remember, your role is to offer support and encourage your loved one to seek professional help. Encourage your partner not to settle for partial improvement and explain that with the right treatment, people with depression can regain their lives.
Although you may be prepared to do anything and everything to help, don’t try to take over the life of someone who is depressed. Your loved one may seem overwhelmed, incapable, or frustrated, but you can’t reconstruct his or her life.
Give advice in the form of options. For example, recommend a physician for your partner to see or suggest support groups you think may be a step toward alleviating his or her symptoms.
Remember that depression is a real illness that should be taken seriously. Don’t belittle the person by saying things such as “Snap out of it,” “Get over it” or “Everyone feels down now and then.” Try your best to understand the illness.
Recognize that depression is not rational. It is painful to be rejected, scorned, or ignored, but this may be how your loved one responds to your efforts to help.
Care for yourself. Carve out time to pursue your own interests and to socialize even when your partner can’t join you. You might also want to consider seeking individual counseling.

Answer 2

HI Im sorry to hear about your partner and the effect this has on your relationship but sadly depression is a very isolating mental problem in which the sufferer can not always see the consequences on other people around themselves.

Its important to stay in contact if you can just to show your partner that you do support them and care about them.....one of the worst things for sufferers is to think that they are being forgotten.

At the same time this is your ex and you dont 'owe' him anything and shouldnt feel guilty if you decide that you cannot really give him the support that he needs.The important thing is to be honest with him and make him aware of this.He has depression and isnt stupid.

Its important for sufferers to feel secure in thier support system and if you think you cant handle the dedication needed then maybe its best to back away.

No one will or should judge you for that and in the long run its the best thing to do for your ex if you know you are not committed to going down this path with him.

If you want to remain a support be very aware of what is being asked of you and realise that depression can be a very draining and painful experience for the sufferer and those around them.

all the best

Answer 3

there is always a root cause for ur relationship to end . .
the reason why people can't understtand each other is becaue they dn't find this root cause..


SO END IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE And Think ( deeply ) ( even write it down ) and figure out what / when / where things went wrong , then think back from that point in time ( may be even go up to your child hood )

When you do that , you will realize that it was not your problem , and 90-100% not his too .

But first you need to do that after ending it ( i know it's hard )
but , if you do it , you will have bigger self esteem first of all
2nd of all , u have a chance of him coming back to you in ( future ) after all your options are gone..

anyway you need to stop telling someone you care about them all the time ( and also think why you think that he will feel you abandoned him , and not the other way around ) , don't be like a care taker for everybody . ok ( like i said think back , maybe even till childhood ) that's all i can say . contact me if you want to know more .
if not good luck and have a nice day . bye

Answer 4

Yes, it is hard for a depressed person to give anything to another person as they are just trying to cope with their depression. Usually depression DOES eventually resolve.
See if you can get him to see a doctor for medication. You dont say if you want to get back together or not. You cannot judge your relationship while he is depressed. Typically the depressed person feels helpless, hopeless, sleep problems, worthless, unable to have intimacy, spends a lot of time in bed, pushes people away emotionally, to all who encounter them. A good book is Up from Depression. If you care for him, by all means go back and try to get him to deal with it. You could be saving his life. Let him know you are not abandoning him but that you just dont know how to deal with his depression. Is your ex and ex wife or an ex girlfriend? Big difference. Sometimes you must actually go with him to the family doctor to get him some prescription for antidepressants. Most antidepressants cost about the same as a cup of coffee. Tell him he is only a cup of coffee away from relief and that he will survive this period of time. Good luck.

Answer 5

It's hard to say. Who broke up with the other, here? If you called it off, "lightly" checking in with him will give him false hope you want to get back together. if he called it off, he'll resent your intrusions. He needs a 3rd party to intervene, for depression is a real illness that has to be treated like one. Encourage him to see a doctor and talk it out. He won't get better in a dark room. You need to let go.
When I'm depressed yes I feel like there's nothing to offer my partner. The feeling does go away but it takes work: I need to focus on getting things done rather than moping about. Depression may be the most narcissistic illness next to bulimia and anorexia in that by focusing only on all that is wrong with "me" I leave out the rest of the world and those who need much more help than I do.

Answer 6

oddly enough, im going through this same thing. Im sure its a bit different though... But in my opinion, just still keep in light contact with him, like you said. Eventually everything will calm down. A friend of mine said that you should take about a fourth of how ever long you were dating for him to recoupe and then add another two months before he moves on. I dont know if thats true or not but ya, give him space like you have been and make sure hes ok, like once or twice every week. Hope it helps!

Answer 7

Over the last five years I had begun to have increasingly withdraw into a downward spiral of depression..

But now with the method I can fully focus my energy and thoughts into a decisive line on how to make my life better constantly. And it works like magic! I'm beginning to attract people to me once again and things have just been looking up since then.

Helping you eliminate depression?

Answer 8

hey i have depression and i find it hard to give anythink in a relationship but thats because im scared im going to get hurt emotionally or hurt the other person also sometime if your depressed all your emotion are mixed up and you dont know how to feel or what you should be feeling emotionally it all comes down to why he is depressed i think you should be there for him because having someone to talk to is always a great thing but i think maybe he should see a professional or something because i had my really good mate there for me but i found it alot better with a professional if you want to know more message me or something don't know if that helped take care xx

Answer 9

Its stressful to respond to this via fact each melancholy is diverse and in case you have under no circumstances experienced melancholy your self you cant totally understand. as long as he remains working, putting out with acquaintances or some thing he would be ok. With you on the different hand if he's not purely sitting at residing house doing no longer something then possibly he feels you 2 have grown aside,or which you're able to do greater powerful. when I went with the aid of melancholy I left my boyfriend via fact i assumed that he could do greater powerful-yet now that i glance back he improve into the loser.A relationship is a relationship whilst it is composed of melancholy. this is not proper if its with acquaintances, family participants or companion. in case you have emotions for him nonetheless communicate, until eventually you 2 get close back or he tells you he does not desire to talk to you.

Answer 10

Believe me, it's NOT YOU.

You've let him know you care; that's all you can do. He has to get help for himself. You cannot cheer him up or cure him. Only a trained professional can help him.

You need to save your energy to manage your own life; that takes everything you've got. You can't carry two people throughout your life - carrying yourself is hard enough. Don't try to take on another person's weight unless it is your own child.