Do these questions sound right for a father to ask his 19 year old daughter?

Question

I got in touch with my father 2 yrs ago. he use to call me every sunday. one sunday he called and asked what i was doing. i told him my friend was over my house and left. in what i would call an intimate tone(he lowered his voice) he asked me if it was my boyfriend. it made me feel uncomfortable. fast foward to my graduation night . wer were riding around in his rental car. he's asking me all these questions. he asked me if i had a boyfriend. i replied no and he asked if i was gay. he asked me the same question on the phone a month before. i got hte same feeling of uneasiness. it just did not feel like something that should be coming from a father. we wnt to the mall and he took me to victoria's secret. me him and my mom (who are not together) were in the store while i was looking at bras. my mother was telling me to pick a bigger size because the one i picked she thought was too small. he's gonna ask me what bra size do i wear? i ignored him. i bought a cd. a sexual song was playing

"Red Light Special" by TLC. he started to jokingly say i shouldn't be listening to the song. then he's gonna ask me in front of my mother what do i know about sex. Seriously what do you think? My mother agrees that he has no business asking me any of these questions because he sems like he wants to fU*& me.

This is the honest truth. my aunts and grandmother are wanting me to be close to him. it'll never happen. he's taking the father thing a little too far. the questions he ask are out of line

i don't get the sense of fatherly concern when he asked me any of these questions. its like he wants to discuss sexual things with me...come on now thats nasty

he has two toher kids that are younger than me. a girl thats 12 and a boy thats 11

Answer 1

I'm not buying this, but it's obviously inappropriate if it did happen.

Answer 2

He may have a bad understanding about what is appropriate and what is not appropriate to ask a teenager. You could always say, 'if you want to discuss me and my dating habits, ask my mom because I' m not comfortable discussing this stuff with you.'
He might then ask, 'Well, why aren't you comfortable?'
A good answer would be, 'Because I've known you all of two years and that's not much considering a lifetime spent with my mother. So take it up with her and I don't want to discuss this with you.'
That kind of sums it up.
Your mother might ask questions that help her understand where you are in your life with sex, etc., and it wouldn't be so out of place. But that's because you and she have a long-standing relationship. A parent asking a kid questions about sex is not a come-on by itself. It's really the context of the situation. You should listen to your own gut feelings.
I asked my teenage son if he was gay and he told me it was none of my business! I explained that I asked simply because he was going on a trip with a bunch of kids from other parts of the country. He has a body like a model from a Calvin Klein ad and has never even been to summer camp before. I wondered what he would do if a gay guy 'hit on him' - frankly, I wondered if he would be angry and punch the guy's lights out! Which I would never want to happen.
I remember my feelings when lesbians hit on me (stunned shock, basically!) so I know it can happen and it's something I think a parent should discuss, along with every other aspect of sex - contraception, diseases, etc. Just because schools take the lead these days in educating about sex doesn't mean that parents fade into the background about that topic.

Answer 3

It doesn't sound sexual to me. Sounds as if he is trying to find out what his daughter has experienced and if you are a virgin. Only in a father's eyes, not as a perverts eyes. He probably still sees you as his little girl. Maybe he is the type that cannot sit down and have a heart to heart about these things so he tries to be "cool" and say them sort of in a joking manner. If there has never been any signs before don't take them too seriously. If he was being sexual towards you, it will escalate to the point of you seeing it right away. Give your dad the benefit of the doubt first.

Answer 4

I think you need to calm down and look at things objectively.

If you JUST got in contact with him two years ago, he's probably just trying to make up for lost time.

When I found my birth-mother she asked me all sorts of similar questions - she was just trying to reassure me that if I was gay, a nerd, weird, WHATEVER that it was okay with her and that she wanted a relationship no matter what.

If your dad had been around your whole life he WOULD know things like your bra size and who you were dating. It's just the fact that he's trying to find out everything about you at once that makes it seem weird. And you certainly can't blame him for what song the freakin' store was playing.

Furthermore, if you don't tell HIM that those kind of questions make you uncomfortable, then you can't blame him for continueing to ask. If you actually told him you were uncomfortable I'm sure he'd be mortified and stop asking.

Answer 5

If he keeps asking if you are gay, perhaps he is. Maybe he thinks it's hereditary or something. And if he's never been a father, he's obviousy not gonna be very good at it off the bat, if ever. That could explain all the stupid questions. But why did you bring him to the underwear store anyway? Could'nt you go there without him another time?

Answer 6

I m not sure if he wants to get in your pants but your father is def a dirty old man. Its a little late for him to start trying to be father of the year. If he s so concerned about you why isnt he asking about school, career goals, life goals and stuff like that. His suggetsitve questions and voice tones indicates that he may have alterior motives. I would suggest that you maybe try to distance yourself from him and not to be alone with him at anytime, also avoid being around him if he may be drinking alcohol or taking drugs. Good luck and keep a safe distance.

Also tell him or have someone else that you re having awkward feelings when he acts like that. You will be able to tell alot from his reaction to being questioned about this.

Answer 7

He hasn't been a "father" long so he doesn't know how to behave like a father.

You are old enough now to make the decision to let him be part of your life or not.

If you have any bad feelings with him, trust your gut. Too many people today get a gut feeling and ignore it. Always listen to yourself and yourself is trying to tell you this isn't right.

Answer 8

The first thing you need to do is set boundaries with your father. He has crossed many of yours, it seems.

Tell him that while you understand he might be concerned, your relationships, sex life and personal body aren't up for discussion and it makes you very uncomfortable when he makes comments....let him know he's crossed the line.... you dont' have to be mean...

I can't think of a thing beyond blatent honesty. Some people have no idea what is appropriate. And your father seems to be one who hasn't a clue.

take care of You

Answer 9

Just draw the line with him. Tell him that those questions make u feel uncomfortable and i what does he really want to know about you. Get to know him a little more and if he keeps asking those weird questions i would worry and stay away.

Answer 10

Seriously and honestly i do think some of the qustioens he is asking you are inappropiate, I also think your father is a little to much into your personnal life but at the same time is does seem like hes a little interested and worried about your life !

Answer 11

I think you see it all wrong. At your age, you are naturally a Drama Queen and make things out of nothing. Your Father thought he was close enough to you to ask those kind of questions. He raised you , he fed you all those years, of course he will be concerned about your love life and your sex life. Settle down , you don't need to call Dr Phil.