he came to me last night saying that i do too much and i need to focus on being a kid. i don't think i do to much. i help out where i am neeed. my mom passed away last year and since then, i've picked up where she has left off since my dad works full time. i'm the oldest child and have quite a few younger siblings. i wake up a 6, help get the younger kids ready for school while my dad fixes breakfast. then i take them to the bus stop while my dad gets the baby's ready for day care. after he leaves with the kids, i do my 3 hours of homeschool work, after that i help the other older kids with theirs. then i just do whatever (mostly laundry, it's never ending pile), or play guitar, kake care of my cousin, get on the computer, until the kids get back from school. then i make sure their homework and chores get done, until it's time to make dinner. when it's time for my soccer, dance/theatre/singing, or band practice. i'm fine, but he's all "you're doing to much, i'll hire someone". help!!!
2007-09-12 03:13:57 · 14 answers · asked by ...... 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
oh and just in case you're wondering,
kids under 3 go to daycare, elementary kids got to public school, middle/high school are homeschooled (it's a curriculum that's based on self-study, he helps us when he gets home if we need it). and i have a lot of extra-curriculum stuff. soccer, my band, dance class, singing/theatre. and i kick it with my friends every weekend. so i do have my "me" time. i get "me" time for about an hour-2 hours everyday. i like my life. how can i get him to understand this? i'm not doing too much.
2007-09-12 03:17:05 · update #1
I'm 16
2007-09-12 03:31:14 · update #2
a lot, i don't like telling the number of sibs i have because people tend not to belive me. some of us are adopted though. i'll tell you anyway, there are 14 of us total (my parents had 6, were foster parets and adopted 8). plus my baby cousin is staying with us. so 15 total.
2007-09-12 03:45:43 · update #3
First of all, you have a great attitude. Your dad is lucky to have you around. He obviously realizes how much you do around the house, because you do a ton. Accept it. Most kids would never do that much. I know it doesnt seem like a big deal to you to help out, but when your dad is around make sure he sees you doing something just for you, whether that be the guitar, the computer or tv. Everyone needs some downtime. He'll feel better seeing you relax and you'll probably feel better too.
2007-09-12 03:26:25 · answer #1 · answered by Freaked out 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You sound like an amazing young woman and your father should be immensely proud of you. You never mention your age, but you already seem mature beyond your years. I'm sure your father is proud of you and grateful to have so much help around the house, but he probably feels guilty too. Guilty that you have been unneccessarily burdened with the caring of your younger siblings and not granted the normal teenage life. Maybe every so often, concede to letting him hire a babysitter for the day so you can relax. You do deserve some off time aside from the weekends. Other than that, just reassure him that you're fine with the way things are. You enjoy helping out around the house and it's preparing you immensely for taking care of yours and becoming an independant young woman in the future. Maybe see if you can take a college class or two at a local community college to prove to him that you're actively thinking about your future. Even at 22, I can't believe doing what you're doing right now. I grumble and whine when I'm forced to get up at 7 to get ready for work!
You sound like an absolutely amazing young woman though! Good luck!
2007-09-12 03:27:40 · answer #2 · answered by Meg 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If I was you - I would show your dad this question ..just the way you wrote it out...
You sound very mature and your family is very lucky to have you.
Your dad is going through a lot right now (as you all are) and I am sure he is just worried that your childhood is slipping away and that you have had to "grow up" too fast..
From me to your dad - shes a good kid, don't hire someone you will end up with "toes stepped on" from someone - I'm not sure how many kids there are but I bet some of them would resent a stranger (hired help) telling them what to do.
It sounds like your family has a great rhythm going on - like a perfectly fit together puzzle (even with a missing piece - sorry for your loss) don't try and add any extra puzzle pieces it won't fit - and you don't need it by the sounds of it.
Good luck to you and your family
2007-09-12 03:33:09 · answer #3 · answered by Finchy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ah darlin' your poor dad is feeling guilt over you taking on the role that your mother filled before she passed away. I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the fact that your dad is feeling so bad about it.
What you need to do is sit him down and calmly and gently explain to him that you really do love doing all this for your family, that it's filling a need inside you. Explain that it is your choice to do this, and if you weren't doing it then you would feel bad. Then make a deal with him that if he does his best to stop worrying about you, you'll try to take a bit more of a break to ease his mind, and REALLY DO SO. Even if it's just taking one day off a week from doing all this. The world wont collapse around your ears if you don't do all these things, you will all survive and he will feel a bit better about things.
I can see his point you know, you have all your life ahead of you to be an adult, he just doesn't want to see you doing that now, when your role is to be a kid.
2007-09-12 03:35:17 · answer #4 · answered by KooriGirl 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think he just feels insecure...he might feel a little bit like he's not doing enough, or that he is, but he's too occupied with life to help you with your life.
It's a lot at a young age to be doing what you're doing, but the honest truth is, if you're handling it well, then kudos. Your father should be proud of your maturity and your willingness to help. You're growing up fast, but you sound like you can handle it well without sacrificing school or your personal interests.
If he wants to hire someone, and he can afford it, I say let him. It might actually make him feel better and more secure in his role as a father and a provider. You can let go of some of your responsibilities and then...well...be a kid. And there's nothing wrong with that at all.
I think you need to just let him know that it's all right, if he can afford it, to hire someone, but if that's not the case, that you're all right with your position in the family. When you get tired, you will let him know, but until then, it's all right if he focuses on doing what he can, still.
You're a mature girl for such a young age. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope that you can effectively communicate to your father that you're doing okay. You can always just say it outright from time to time: "Dad, we're okay."
2007-09-12 03:29:05 · answer #5 · answered by Erin W 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are such an angel!!
Your dad loves you alot, i am sure, and is very proud of you. With such an amazing attitude, i know you will have a great future ahead.
I cant remember when was the last time i heard of a young girl like you. Your family reminds me of mine somehow, except in a different way. My sibblings and I (4 girls 2 boys) hv to do all the chores at home (except the younger ones) in the absence of my mother and for our extended family. She worked and only came home once a week for a couple hours each time. Each of us chose a chore we 'liked' and i chose cooking and doing the groceries.. Every morning i wld cycle to the market to buy fresh food to cook... for my family and my two uncles' families. Then came home cooked the meals and then cycled to school (at noon). I was 13 yo then.
We learned alot by helping our parents and seeing them struggled and we built strong character and hv good perceptions towards life. Such education ... no one cld teach us.,,, only life experience could.
Do whatever you can, you are a tough and smart young lady. God bless you!!!
2007-09-12 11:27:42 · answer #6 · answered by Sal SR 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a sweetheart! If this is something that you don't want to stop doing, sit down with your father and talk to him. Let him know that if he doesn't allow you to do these things that "make you happy," it will be taking something away from you that you want or need. Let him know that you love him and he is not a bad father. Let him know how much you appreciate his concern. Also, tell him if you ever change your mind, he will be the first to know. We need more kids like you out there!! Good Job. I am glad you make some time for yourself too.
2007-09-12 03:46:26 · answer #7 · answered by debepta 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow...I am so impressed. You are way more mature than I ever was and I only had to take care of 2 younger brothers. I guess you could just tell him that you enjoy doing it. I think he just wants you to enjoy being young, though. I have an idea, though...if he really wants to hire someone that person could be you. Maybe he wouldn't feel quite so bad about it, then.
2007-09-12 07:35:49 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are doing great job. you need to carry on seems you are ok and you are fine i know what he is saying but sounding from what i have read you are ok which is fine. i am glad you have taken up the slack and let him know or better yet let him see this i am a mother of only 4 compared to yours but hey i was adopted also and i know the important of home and helping take care and good luck you and your dad.
2007-09-15 12:58:03 · answer #9 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow i am so proud of you...and im not your parent...lol..i just had to say that sorry....you are one awesome daughter....do you get tired of doing what you do?? if not...then show your dad this letter....he just wants you to be happy too..but if you are happy doing this...then do....but what about when college comes around?? then what are you going to do??.....i've never heard of someone stepping up to the plate like that....do you other siblings help around the house also?? if you dont already...make them help...teach them what you know...in the end it will help all of the kids be better adults ......YOU GO GIRL!!!!! WOW!!!
2007-09-12 07:09:03 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋