My boyfriend and I started as best friends and now we are very close. We have decided that we'll marry when we grow up, and I strongly prefer to live alone with him.
However, my mother has always stressed that she wants to live with me forever, and I know very well that it is because she feels she has nobody else in the world and she loves me very much.
Unfortunately, I don't like that because of her occasional psychologically unstable behaviour that I am extremely sensitive to. Also, I am very sad that she has always invaded my privacy throughout my teenage life and always made me depressed. I have tried my best, patiently, to encourage her to give me more privacy but there seems to be a limit to it. I feel sorry for my mother, but still, I want to be free.
I have contemplated about the problem in search for solutions, but to no avail, especially since I don't know how the situation will be like in the future.
I want to live with him only. What can I do?
2007-09-12 02:25:52 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Maybe that by the time you are ready to get married, your Mother will have made some new friends. Do you have brothers or sisters, or maybe a relative that can help get her involved in some activities or interests with people her own age.
Do not let her put you on a guilt trip. We know that you love her, and will help all you can, but do not let hr interfere with your future plans. Mother should not do this to you...Just my opinion. Maybe you can ask your Church minister to talk to her about getting help with getting on with her life.
2007-09-19 23:08:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard situation. I am assuming if you told your mother that you only wanted to live with your husband, she would feel like you were choosing him over her and shun you for it. Hmmm....it's hard to get around this and I can guarantee someone will get hurt.
Let's put it this way: you are not your mother's mother. You do not have a duty to let her live with you. Your duty is to respect her....and you can do this in a different house. She is an adult and can take care of herself. If she is not ill, there is no reason she should not be able to live alone.
The reasons she wants to live with you are very selfish....she wants you around to make her feel better and because she can live without you. Also, think of all the conflicts that would come up in your household with your mother and your husband under the same roof. Do you really want to jeopordize your relationship with him?
The best thing to do is talk to her. Yes, she will be mad and probably over-react, but you have to let her know. Wait until she knows you two are getting married and then explain the situation to her. There is no need to tell her now and get her all worked up...just don't do anything that leads her to believe that you will let her move in. If she loves you as much as she seems to, she will hopefully understand. If not, you cannot live the rest of your life to make your mother happy. I wish you luck with this. Stay strong and you will get through this.
2007-09-18 16:51:30 · answer #2 · answered by Nikki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do understand your predicament but also try to have a different perspective of the whole scenario. Your mother is alone and is quite dependent on you. She doesn't seek for other people's company except you. I would greatly suggest that you have a mother-daughter talk and let her understand how much you love her and at the same time how much you want to be independent in the future. Let her feel appreciated no matter how controlling she may be. Parents tend to be very protective and absolutely sensitive as they grow older. Reassure her that you will always find a special time for her BUT your focus would not be solely on her alone. If this is possible, why not look for a place where she can stay and will be near your place. In that way, she doesn't have to live with you BUT she can see you almost everyday because you live next door.
2007-09-19 18:44:44 · answer #3 · answered by addicted too 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marry him. And live within 10 or 15 minutes of your mother. She will make a good grandmother to your kids and help you out when you need a hand at home doing something. At the same time, you can tell her that as a married couple, you do need privacy. Have dinnner at her place every once in awhile. Encourage her to date. She may see that once you settle down in married life, she wants to do that too.
2007-09-19 20:19:45 · answer #4 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm
Well I mean as much as it will be hard to be upfront n honest with her, it has to be done sometime, am I right?
Your mom should know that everyone would like their own space and especially with someone they love.. we all need that.
And so I think if you really spoke to her about how you feel on wanting that and how other things in your past have affected you from doing such a thing, I would hope she'd be understanding.. She has to be.
And if she doesn't then I dun know what to think, ..every mother should want their child to be happy, even if it means that they'll hurt in some way [for her, that being not being able to stay with ya]
She's a grown woman and should totally understand..
Best of luck to you
2007-09-19 21:46:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you are 18 you can get married and live with him and your mother can then do nothing about it. You can tell your mother that you will always love her and that you wish her happiness and that you appreciate that she loves you. But you will probably want to live far from her after what you have been through. You are right in wanting to separate from your mother and marry when you are old enough. It is your mother that has the problem. It may be necessary for your boyfriend or another member of your family to talk to your mother so that her behavior to you now will be more appropriate. If she does not treat you right, you should talk to your school counselor or you physician about your problem and see they can arrange for you to live elsewhere until you are old enough for marriage. Your mother's happiness is not your responsibility. You should be kind to her, but you should live a happy and independent life yourself.
2007-09-19 21:02:59 · answer #6 · answered by Bond girl 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a very difficult situation as you love both your mum and your boyfriend. do you feel it's difficult because you feel you have to choose between them? Are you worried that if you tell your mum you want to live with your boyfriend and not her, she my think you don't love her? By being honest with your mum, you are setting her free. She may not like it to begin with, but shell get used to it and you'll do her a favour as she'll be forced to starting a new life. Her relationship with you will improve in the long term as well because the time she spends with you will then be quality time. Find the courage within you to stand up and be honest with her about your needs.
love, light, laughter
2007-09-20 00:36:48 · answer #7 · answered by bfreefromstress 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
12 is hard, however you must permit him a minimum of "check out" his selection. He feels dangerous proper now, and he does not quite realize why but. You must preserve your concentration and dating with him as "average" as viable with him. Pre-youngster stinks and his feelings are strolling wild approximately the whole thing. My son determined (he's 12) that he must check out residing together with his Dad complete time, no longer simplest did it "cramp his dad's form", not anything used to be what he anticipated it to be. He used to be again in two weeks! Also 50/50 is tough, he is by and large worn out of going from side to side and no longer quite feeling like anybody position is "house". I have major custody and his dad has liberal visitation, however I suppose all of them move by way of this section, making an attempt new matters. I am additionally at the different aspect of the coin. I have a step-daughter too. She additionally attempted the "residing with mother/dad" factor too, someplace among 10 &12. (she is 25 and fortunately married now!) We weren't the custodial moms and dads for her so we are the ones she got here to reside with. She ended up going again house considering the fact that she neglected her peers and her different loved ones, but it surely used to be HER selection, that is what I'm seeking to get at right here... You must permit him make the selection and aid him it doesn't matter what. If you're in which he's happiest, he'll be again so long as he does not believe confused. Best of good fortune to you!
2016-09-05 11:20:10 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never said how old you are but I am guessing still in school living at home. First there are many years between now and then and second you can choose for her not to live with you and be taken hostage cause that's what it would be like for you. Relax and enjoy today and know that you do not have to do that ever-
Bc
2007-09-17 14:18:55 · answer #9 · answered by Bc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is obviously an adult, and she will have to fend for herself. If she has emotional problems, then she needs to make an effort to get help, also.
You have every right to make your own choices as an adult, so if you marry this fellow you are speaking of, you and he can just get a place of your own.
When the time comes, let your mother know your plans. Making choices which are best for ourselves is the way to do it.
take care of YOU.
2007-09-12 02:56:27 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋