My fiancee and I are having a hard time deciding who to ask to stand up with us. A smaller wedding party is important to us to help trim costs. He thinks we should have three each. For my side this would include my brother, my best friend and my sister-in-law all of whom I am very close with. The fuzzy area is another friend that I have had for many years. I was her maid of honor six years ago. I plan to include her daughters as flower girls. Question #1: Is this a figurative slap in the face to her?
Another friend in question that I have had for many years is not in contention for a spot on the wedding party. This will quite possibly offend her so much so that our friendship will not recover.
Question #2 Why is choosing a wedding party so difficult? I don't intend to hurt any feelings or friendships in this process. I am interested in hearing from other brides who were in similar situations and how you handled it, what was the outcome?
2007-09-12 02:07:00 · 13 answers · asked by fghtngscot04 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Are all of your friends teenagers? If they are adults, they will understand.
Good luck
2007-09-12 02:16:35 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 5⤊ 4⤋
It is your wedding so you can do what ever you want. But traditionally the bride will choose the bridesmaids. They are usually sisters, family members or best friends. The same with the groom. I do not blame you for not wanting strangers in your wedding party. I would not want that either. Twenty years from now when you look at your photo's and you see someone in there that you do not know or remember that will not be good. Tell your future mother in law that the wedding is for the two of you and you should be able to decide who you want in the wedding. Good Luck.
2016-05-17 21:20:34 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A true friend will ALWAYS understand that your money is tight and you have to limit your wedding party.
So you say something like, "If money was no object, I'd love to have you and so-and-so stand up with me, but I don't have that option, and I feel so bad about it."
And a true friend responds, "Oh, don't feel bad! I totally understand. It's just how it goes sometimes."
Using the daughters of the one friend as your flower girls is an excellent idea. For the other friend, you could give her a minor role in the wedding if you want to, such as a Scripture reading if you are having a religious ceremony or reading a poem or something else if you are not. But you are under no obligation to do so. If your friendship ends over this, well, phooey -- she wasn't much of a friend.
You find choosing a wedding party difficult because you are a nice person and you have lots of close friends! Other brides don't have enough friends to match their groom's number of friends...or they're stuck in a pickle where they have to choose between having two or having six because there's a whole group of (sisters or cousins or friends or sorority sisters or whatever) that can't be split up.
I only had one attendant and if anybody was mad about it, I wasn't told.
2007-09-12 05:52:29 · answer #3 · answered by sparki777 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with this. I know it can be a very touchy situation.
As you select your wedding party, keep in mind their purpose for being there. It's not a competition. They are supposed to be people you are close to who will be there to support the wedding and the marriage that follows. That should be your first and only criteria.
With the above in mind, would your first friend "of many years" not be a candidate? You are planning on asking her daughters. You could, if you like, give her the option of not being in the bridal party, but perhaps doing something else of importance. Give her the out of understanding about finances since the girls will be in it. She may solve your dilemma for you!
In regards to the other friend who is "not in contention". Not sure why that would be if you have been friends for so long, but no matter. If you not asking her to be a bridesmaid will damage the friendship that much, then I doubt there is much of a friendship.
Hope that helps. Congratulations and good luck!
2007-09-12 05:22:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Most people realize, especially in small wedding parties that the attendees will be family members. When you ask your friend if her girls can be flower girls in your wedding, just tell her that due to costs, you and the hubby to be are trying to keep it simple. Perhaps ask her to do a reading instead.
As for the other girl, I wouldn't even bring it up. If she's bold enough to ask or get upset with you about it, be honest with her to a point. Keep it simple and say we are having a small wedding party to keep the costs down. And leave it at that. You really don't owe her an explanation. If she is that offended, then she's not a very good friend to begin with.
Q2 - Planning a wedding in general is difficult. In the end, you have to do what's right for you. You can't make everyone happy. I remember just throwing my hands up in the air with my own mother over her guest list which included her personal trainer. We got into a huge fight about it, but I couldn't afford to have her 200+ guests all attend the wedding. When you put it in terms of money, people seem to have a much better understanding.
2007-09-12 02:56:11 · answer #5 · answered by Erin 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
We limited ours to three also. And the only one who felt bad was ME. I chose the three girls I have been friends with the longest. I have another friend (former co-worker) I've only known for two years. I kinda wanted to ask, but wasn't sure, didn't think I should choose her over the girls I knew since childhood.
Well, she was so incredibly HELPFUL with everything. I wish I would have asked her! I feel so bad for NOT asking her because she was so helpful and in some cases more helpful that one of the bridesmaids.
Ask whomever can actually help you when you need help. Whether it's decorating the hall the night before, or putting favors together, or keeping you sane when you get stresses.
Those are the people you should pick. The ones who are honored to be there and can lend a hand when and where needed. Figure out who those people are and that's your bridesmaids. Don't go by length of friendship or relation. Go by who is the best resource for supporting you.
2007-09-12 02:47:46 · answer #6 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
she shouldn't be too hurt, especially since you're including her girls in the wedding. but why not see if there's soemthing else she cdan do to be involved, like a reading during the cremony. besides that, you've only got family and 1 friend in there, she should understand from expirence what a hard choice it can be to make. if you think she IS hurt by your actions, explain to her how hard it was to choose and that her not being a bridesmaid cut costs as well as lets her enjoy the day more with her daughters and not be standing during the whole cremony.
choosing a wedding party is NEVER easy. some people will just keep adding people until it gets ridiculously large, but normally you just have to decide a cutoff point and make tough decisions. really though, I think most people understand if they're not included. I persoanlly had 5 bridesmaids and STILL had 3 people I wanted to stand with me who couldn't, so I gave them other jobs instead - a reading during the ceremony, helping my nephews be ushers, and cueing the music. that way they were still involved but not "wedding party".
2007-09-12 02:54:52 · answer #7 · answered by Erica S 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I had a friend that I told years ago that I would ask as a bridesmaid no matter what if I ever got married. Well, that time is upon me and we are really not that close anymore. She seemed a little sad that she was not chosen, but I think she understood because she knew that I simply had to have the three I picked (my two sisters and my future sister-in-law). Particularly if someone is your friend, they will understand. You can even say, "Unfortunately, we need to keep it small: Perhaps you can ask your friend to do the guestbook or some other task.
2007-09-12 02:34:59 · answer #8 · answered by PixdeeArtist 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
1. No it is not.
2. Its not difficult. For me anyway.
No matter what you do, someone will be unhappy with your choice, or how you planned your day.
IMO if someone wants to break off a friendship because they were not asked to be in the wedding party, they were not a true friend at all.
2007-09-12 06:29:50 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
choosing a wedding party is difficult because you are making it difficult. First off, your friend is human and hopefully capable of understanding...so tell her WHY you are choosing to not have her in the wedding party. It looks like you are only having family, so that is fine. She can still help plan and do all that stuff if she wants to. Second...why is having more people in the wedding going to cost you more? I would just have her be in the wedding since she is such a good friend, but have her pay for her own dress and everything...she is going to be invited to the wedding anyways, so you are already paying for her food....
2007-09-12 02:49:19 · answer #10 · answered by Dangerous Person 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I was asked to be in 2 weddings next year, my future sister-in-law and my fiancees bestfriends fiancee. And truthfully I don't plan to ask either of them to be in my wedding.
And personally I wouldnt feel offended if I didn't get asked to be in their weddings. It's normal to feel bad about it, because I felt bad because I didn't want to acccept the invitation as being a bridesmaid when I'm getting married myself next year. You just have to be blunt and true to yourself or you'll be unhappy.
2007-09-12 02:31:08 · answer #11 · answered by Q.T.PIE. 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋