Her latest lecture regarded how I bring up my daughter, in a roundabout way. These arguments are always based on her warped interpretation of Christianity.
Our bodies are temples, and anyone who defiles a temple will be destroyed, eternal damnation, hellfire, I have played a part in the defiling of someone else's temple, I gave permission, I went with her, I have damned my daughter to hell unless she repents, and unless both she and I repent then I don't even stand a chance of gaining forgiveness.
So what is this heinous evil I have committed - I took my daughter, at her request, to get her ears pierced.
2007-09-12 00:25:57 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sarah, try to be patient with your mother. Don't be harsh on her. You are fortunate that she cares actually and that you have a mother to guide you. I know it's difficult to be swamped with her beliefs and you are entitled to your own, but just listen patiently and then do what you consider best anyway...as you will being a mum yourself. One day, your mother won't be there any more and you will beat yourself up for not being more loving, understanding and patient with her.
2007-09-19 08:03:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's funny. When we women have a baby, we don't want anyone telling us what to do and how to do it. ALL mothers are like that. They ALL feel THEIR was is the best way. For them, that is true. But not for us - the daughters. What I finds works for me is to let her run her mouth. She can have all the say and opinion as the next door neighbour. I would not agrue - even if I totally disagreed with everything that fell from her face. Nor would I disrespect her. Let her get it out. When it comes time to take your action, you continue on with what you were going to do in the first place.
Your mother's opinions are just that - HER opinions. They will ALWAYS be what they are. So since you know you can't cange that about her, don't fight her. You have become a grown woman. Giving birth changes a lot about a woman. You have to set your grown woman boundaries. Not just with the perverts and the horrible babysitters, but with your family too. You are laying a foundation for your child to stand on. The only way it's going to be solid is if YOU are solid.
Are you a spiritual person? Do you believe in God? And I am not speaking of that distorted crap she spits. I mean, in your heart do you believe? If you do, then you know that what your mother is kicking out is opinion and not fact. There is no proof of anything you spoke of. It is all opinion - and HER opinion. And that what the response should be at the end of her rant: "I appreciate your opinion(s). I will take them into consideration". And leave it like that. Anything else said would only come from emotion and fuel an arguement.
Do what YOU (and the father) think is best for your child. YOU are responsible for the child, not your mother. YOU are the one that was on that table giving birth, not your mother (and believe me, I had a natural birth and I feel I have earned my "grown woman boundary" stripes). YOU are the one that carried that baby for nine months, not your mother. Those things alone give me the authority to say what is best for my child and what is not. This does not mean you should not be open to suggestions. Sometimes other people see things we can't. Stay open to suggestion, but not to demands.
2007-09-12 09:10:51 · answer #2 · answered by swilson_lewis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It might amuse you to know that when I asked my father, who was a Protestant clergyman and a devout Christian believer, if I could get my ears pierced, his response was: "Well, I don't see why not. Your great-grandmother had hers pierced!" which serves to illustrate how very different interpretations of Christian conduct can be.
I think perhaps your best approach might be not to tell her directly how much you disagree with her. When she brings up her latest suggestion for keeping you on the straight and narrow, just listen, smile, and if you say anything at all, agree with her that it's certainly one point of view. That way, you give her no "hook" on which to hang the next instalment of her argument against whatever it is she doesn't want you to do, or for whatever she's convinced you have to do.
It will also defuse your anger, because you won't be making any contribution, positive or negative, to her diatribe. That will in turn make it difficult for her to continue indefinitely pushing her point of view, because you'll be giving her nothing to push against. Her words will simply disperse into the air, if you're not catching them or trying to knock them down.
My point is, if your mother is like this, nothing you can do or say is likely to alter her. That's part of her personality, it's set. But if you don't give her any arguments, keep cool, be pleasant with her, just don't contribute anything for or against, she'll eventually be reduced to silence - for that particular occasion and on that particular subject.
No doubt it'll be raised again, but if every time she does it, you adopt this non-combative position, she'll eventually find herself hard pressed to know what to say. It should be quite amusing to watch - but whatever you do, never give her the impression you're laughing at her. She's behaving like a stubborn child in this matter, and evidently can't grasp that even if her view of the terrible wrath of God over pierced ears were true, ranting on about hell-fire and damnation is not likely to persuade anyone that they want to know more about her brand of Christianity, is it?
It must be really exasperating for you, and you have my sympathy, but I do think my suggestion will work, and will relieve you of a great deal of anger and frustration towards your mother. It should also help prevent your reaching a point where you cross the line from disliking her behaviour to hating her, which would damage you far more than it would her. I hope that you will come to the point where you are able simply to feel sad that she is so imprisoned by her completely misguided beliefs.
wimsey
2007-09-12 11:06:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mother that you are now an adult and need to be "respected" by her. Tell her that you are living a positive life and wish to raise your daughter as you see fit. If she has a difference of opinion, you can understand that. May you have the best in everything that you do. What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? - Romans 8:31. The Lord daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah. - Psalm 68:19. Peace, Love and God Bless.
2007-09-17 16:13:43 · answer #4 · answered by In God We Trust 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I believe that you shouldn't pierce your daughter's ears, or let her make the decision to get her ears pierced until she's at least 10. Then she'll be (for the most part) fully aware of the decision she's making. I have two daughters, and will NOT pierce their ears until at least 10, maybe 13 depending on their maturity. My husband and I agree, I may have given birth to them, but I cannot (for lack of a better word) "disfigure" them, or put holes in their body, before they know what they want for sure. It's not my body, it's theirs. What if they chose a religion where they can't get their ears pierced, but I pierced them before they could even decide? Know what I mean?
2007-09-18 23:47:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you live with your mother? If not, then set some ground rules about what you will and won't discuss with her. Your a grown woman now with a child of your own, and your mother has got to learn that too. Insist that your mom comply with your wishes or avoid getting together with her at all until she can. A relationship with God is personal, and not the result of someone's ranting and raving about hellfire and damnation.
2007-09-18 12:33:48 · answer #6 · answered by beaches 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your mother, although I understand you love her, is toxic. If this is new behavior then you might want to suggest she get a check up, religious (or any other)obsession can be a sign of a medical issue. But if this is nothing new, you need to protect your daughter from her tirades. Set strict guidelines and limits and do not ever let your daughter stay overnight with her. Look for other more positive older woman role models for her, and be the very best mother you can be for her. I would be very open in explaining to her your reasoning for the distance. Tell her that you don't approve of the religious negativity that your mother believes in and then tell her why.
Its very possible to love your mother and respect her but hold her at arms length. I wouldn't explain it to her, but if she asks, then tell her that you find her brand of religion to not be in line with your beliefs and those you are imparting to your daughter. I would also invest in a long term care insurance plan to take care of her when she can't take care of herself. Otherwise you will be listening to that stuff in your own home, possibly for years. Plan for the future.
2007-09-12 08:42:03 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If u practice the same religion as your mother then perhaps u should listen to her. If u don't, than ASK her to please keep her options to herself. God isn't going to send u to hell for letting your daughter get her ears pierced. If it is an offense to ur Mom and u choose to keep peace with her, just ask ur daughter to take out the earrings when grandma is around. My mother and I practiced different forms of Christianity, however I always respected her, she had her ways and i have mine. You can disagree respectively.
2007-09-18 22:18:03 · answer #8 · answered by Laura F 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
LOL!!!
I guess that you just have to spell it out to her or she won't ever give you a break. The way she sounds, she may NOT come round though, but it can't be HEALTHY to have someone going on about hell every time you make a decision about your own daughter.
She just has to deal with it.
You're your daughter's mum, not your mother.
Good luck.
2007-09-12 08:53:22 · answer #9 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
your mother and mine should get to talking, because i think they would get along famously. My mother is a loony-bin, who is constantly judgemental & mean; i've come to ignore her. This is the only way. I know she loves me, and for some reason doesn't know how to show it -- so i accept her in her cruel ways, and just live my life. Your mom will not change, no point in telling her to mind her own business. As hard as it is, brush her comments off your shoulders, and say "Thanks for your input ;-)" and leave it at that.
my sister just pierced her daughters ears at the age of one... you have done nothing wrong btw.
2007-09-12 07:32:49 · answer #10 · answered by Jewls 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋