A Christian teen struggling with lust.?

Question

Okay. first off... my girlfriend and i have been dating for a year and a half, more or less, and our relationship has now moved into a long-distance one, which i am perfectly okay with. The last time i saw her was about a month ago, and as is normal with any teen, especially one as in love as i know i am (call me naive), my sexual desires have been through the roof since then.

Now the next time we see each other physically will be next summer. Obviously, that is where the physical aspect of our relationshipMy girlfriend is very open to a sensual (not sexual) relationship, as am I, but i still want to honor god in everything i do.

Basically my question is how can we please (or at least somewhat satisfy) our sexual desires in a Christian manner? Also, what would be going too far? At what point does the love and nurturing I want to give her become a sinful lust?

i hope i have explained the situation well enough. Feel free to ask any questions regarding the situation.
God Bless

Answer 1

It is a very difficult time for a teenager when their natural desires start becoming strong. I have been there and I don't envy you your situation. I cannot tell you what to do, but I do have a few suggestions that you can try.
First, you need to try to avoid situations where you are alone for too long. Try double dating or utilize the Church and attend activities together. Otherwise, go to movies where you are in public or do other things where you are in public. The problem you will have is when you are alone in a car, room or any other place. That is where you risk falling into temptation. I don't know whether your girlfriend is a Christian or not, I assume she is if you are trying to honor God in all you do. Witnessing and dating do not work. I knew a truly wonderful Christian girl who was deeply devoted to God who did that and ended up falling into sexual sin. She seemed so strong, but was finally worn down by the world, the boyfriend. The adage that one bad apple spoils the bunch is true. If you allow yourself to be put in that kind of situation, it will ruin you.
I also suggest that you pray before getting together with her and also pray with her. That puts the reminder of your Lord and Savior being in the center of your relationship, front and center. It is hard to commit sin if you remember that God is there with you. I also suggest that you think of your girlfriend and that you want to treat her with respect. You want to honor her and how she feels about sexual intimacy. The girlfriend I spoke about earlier was the only girlfriend I had in my youth that I thought of in that way. I respected her too much to go very far with her. I am greatful to this day that I did. I will admit that I still had lustful thoughts and feelings, but I tried to banish them as fast as they came. I also tried to find an outlet for my sexual tension, like running or other activities. I can happily say that even though I was normal and did please myself, it was never while thinking of her. It is just a minor victory I had in my youth, and am proud of that.
As for when is too far, it varies between people. Some are strong enough to be able to stop anytime they want, others cannot stop once they start. You have to determine and know when to draw the line. Unfortunately, it ends up taking a whole lot of pain when you find out that your line is starting. (I hope you understood that.) There is a term used in business and it is also applicable in the steps that a physical relationship takes. It is called the point of diminishing returns. It means, in business, that you start losing inventory due to theft by shoppers and staff until the point that you cannot do business anymore. In a physical relationship, it means you have gone too far to stop. You progress, according to Dr. Dobson, in this sort of way; hand to hand, hand to waist, hands around waist (hugs), lip to lip, hand to head, hand to breast, hand to below the waist, mouth to those areas and finally sexual intercourse. Look where you are along the progression and set a firm line at where you will not go. That should be a decision you both make together and one that you respect for each other. Really, you should have already set that line for yourself. It is going to be extremely difficult to go backwards. In business, once you are not making money and losing it instead, you are bankrupt...you cannot try to fix the problem, its over. With a physical relationship, it is almost impossible to go back a step on the line of intimacy....once crossed, you need to reign it in or it will progress to the next step and so on. I personally think that once you start touching below the belt area, you have just crossed the most dangerous line. That is the area of physical satisfaction and you will be treading so close to going over the line that it may be difficult to stop. I know this too from experience.
Remember, that God is merciful and knows your feelings and temptations. He came to this world and was fully man and knew what temptations we face. He conquered them and has given you the Power through the Holy Spirit to also conquer them. He says in the Bible that 'no temptation has seized you but that is common to all men' and that He will give you the strength to overcome them, if you ask. I have overcome many such things since I gave my life to Christ and I know that God gave me the power to resist the temptations when they came to me. I made a deal with Him when I became a Christian. I asked that He would help me overcome the temptations when they came at me and I would avoid the situations where I would put myself in temptations way. I honored my part and He was faithful to honor His.
I wish you the strength that you need and the wisdom that God promices those who seek it. I hope these things help. Blessings.

ps. if you have further questions, feel free to email me.

Answer 2

I have some experience in this field as I was in two long-distance relationships that both lasted over a year. I will say I crossed the line of love to lust which may have something to do with why the relationships didn't last. But this isn't about me.

First, the long distance aspect...don't let love blind you. Be cognizant and realistic about about the distance and time apart. I'm not saying your relationship is doomed, but it will require commitment from you and your girlfriend to keep it going. Communication is critical. The question is will you both have the time to devote to each other?

Long lost Lust? Keep yourselves busy and in the company of others. At night, sleep in separate rooms if you can. Keep your wits about you and know what your doing and how far each of you is wanting to go. Talk about it and use each other as warnings should one of you get lost in the moment. You're both faithful to God I assume, so pray. He's always there to help and center you should you need it. Read some of the experiences of the apostle Paul. He had a few helpful things to say about lusting after something and repetitive sins. Best of luck and God bless your relationship.

Answer 3

Is this lust being provoked by your physical body or your thoughts? Both? Our world is littered with constant reminders of sex. This of course, is to bring out our flesh desires and make them feel uncontrollable. Like most things the world has enticed us with, it gets built up our minds and reality is disappointing. As a young woman I felt as you are and acted on it. I was disappointed to discover that sex is not represented truthfully in our society. It is a beautiful thing in marriage but can be a detrimental thing if you are opening yourself up to it before its right. If you feel marriage is in order to keep you from sinning, then marriage is designed for that, according to God in the Bible. There's nothing wrong with getting married at 19. Just make sure you marry a believer. You'll know why later.

Answer 4

I'm glad to hear that you truly want to have a godly relationship with your girlfriend. There isn't a clear cut line that I can say you shouldn't cross, or you'll be on a slippery slope, because it varies for different people. But to be safe, I would do your best to never be alone for more than, say, 30 minutes, where you might be tempted to sin. Trust me, I know what it's like to love someone and want to express that love in a godly way. I also know what it's like to give in, and wish you could rewind the clocks and try again. This is the time for you and your girlfriend to grow emotionally and spiritually with each other. Kiss her and hold her, but keep your hands to her face, head, shoulders, arms, and hands. Only kiss her face and hands. Use words to express your feelings for her as often as you can. And pray for each other to have strength and to be obedient in this situation. It will not be easy, but God did not mince words when he said "flee sexual immorality."

I hope that's helpful. God bless you!!

Answer 5

I recommend you reaffirm your commitment to purity. There are several Q&A on the subject at Christianity Today. The third link has several that will address your situation.

"And the Bride Wore White" is a great book. The book link below has great books on courtship and purity.

Praying for you.
In His Service, Sandra

Answer 6

If you are utterly convinced that you truly do love one another, than there is no question for the health of the relationship to begin acting on your urges. This is not lust. Lust something you experience from simply feeling aroused or gratified by the physical and nothing else. You obviously are stimulated not only physically but also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

"True sentiment juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motions."- Maynard J. Keenan

Don't fear that you will upset god by acting on this attraction, especially if you have been chaste and faithful for the length of time you have described. Don't let the rules of men block you or prevent you from progressing, in a positive way, in your relationship. There is nothing in the Bible that forbids sex unless it is fornication, Which is based on lust not love. The very word fornication comes from the roman word "fornic" which mean arch. This is because in ancient Rome after the time of Peter and Timothy, prostitution was legal and sanctioned in the archways of the arenas where politicians and other elite romans would live deliciously in lust with many prostitutes. This is not monogamy. Which is what you are practicing. Monogamy is promoted in the bible and I commend your for being so patient and genuinely concerned about this issue.

Answer 7

The less porn you see, the less short skirts you see, the less tight shirts you see, the less made up women you see, the less sexual desires you will have.

This is why the Bible speaks of covering of woman for they bring the lust out in men. Even the angels saw that women were fair enough to fall from heaven and to take up wives. Just shows you how the looks of a female can be over powering.

I didn't always walk as a "christian" and walked the wrong path. But now that I am on the right path, the above info has worked well for me. If I catch myself looking at a short skirt, etc, I turn so I don't see it, in turn not having the lust.

Since this is your gf, then have her wear conservative clothing to help you not have these desires. Wear pants, long sleeves, nothing tight, no shorts, no skirts, no bikini's, etc.

Answer 8

a preacher that i saw on television said that if you wanted to do something that you couldn't do in public then it was too far. that is the christian view on the subject as far as I know. I wasn't very good in my younger years about adhering to those rules.

I think that the bigger problem in your situation is not the physical lust part. It is the fact that you are apart and only see each other a couple of times a year. It makes all your other problems seem so much worse.

Answer 9

I don't really know how you could in a Christian manner because a lot of stuff I've read and heard people say about this topic is "honor God in all that you do" and "it's okay to masturbate... as long as you aren't thinking sinful things.." It's tough but since you are a Christian, I know you will get through this somehow. Just stand behind all the things you do and I'm sure God will too.

Answer 10

Very sad situation, most people will say, " it's not real love, it's only puppy love, " they don't remember how real it is to the puppy.

Let me remind you, God, and angels, are always watching you. And of course you don't want to be doing anything that you wouldn't do in front of God. It always helps to stay continually in prayer. The closeness of our Lord and Savior will remind you of the Heavenly things, instead of the earthly things. Pray for the Holy Spirit to take control of your mind, your thoughts and all that is in your life. And don't let worldly people turn you away from God. God is a loving God, but He is also a just God. Those who chose to be children of Satan, will share in his punishment, and those who chose to be children of God, will live for eternity with God in paradise.

God be with you,
Evangelist, William M. Butler
Grace Evangelistic Ministry