I don't understand why men give much more affection to their daughters and are much more tougher to their sons. My hubby is the kind of tough, unemotional, cold man, but I love him and I know he has a great heart! We've a 3 year old boy (so sweet and cute!) and one time, while my husband was sitting in the couch, my son jumped on him and tried to hug his father. My h/b put him away, saying that «men don't hug other men». He's crazy! I think it's perfectly normal and beatiful to see a father hugging his son. He never cried in front of me and he doesn't say «I love you». The deal is that he does his tasks, is very intelligent and helps with house chores, but it's also a pack of ice. Am I maried to a feelingless man?
Thanks a bunch in advance.
2007-09-11 18:18:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No you are married to a wounded man. Where do you think he learned to be a father? From his father. Take a good look and you'll see your future.
So decide if you want to live this way. If so, then get a marriage counselor. Its a place to start. He's not going to suddenly wake up one day and get in touch with his emotions but maybe with counseling he will end the cycle. If he refuses, and you are going to stay with him, then go yourself and learn what you can do to cope.
Oh and tell the bozo that a 3yr old is not a man, its a child not much past babyhood and his son who deserves better.
2007-09-11 18:38:20 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ok imma be crass here, cause your question requires a straight answer... Most men are not cold-hearted... you girls are just not attracted to most men... Dating is a game both sexes play... you just need to understand that we are all about sex... sex is biologically our main goal (it's not an excuse, it's a fact... some of us embrace it, some others wish it wasn't true and deny it)... even though most of us want to find that 1 great girl to spend the rest of our lives with... lets face it... what are the chances that if i go out with you, you turn out to be that special someone for me and the other way around?? so we all need to keep playing! the difference between men and women in the dating game though is that you girls hope the next guy you meet is the one... I on the other hand, hope it's not the next... and not the one after either... but maybe the hundredth or thousandth (again we r all about sex...) On my defense, cause i can hear your thoughts right now... were are all gonna enjoy the sex... so i'm not using anyone... it's just really sad that girls don't see it the same way because of societies sexual hang-ups...
2016-05-17 12:59:18 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has "tough guy syndrome", or at least that's what I call it. Chances are his father was not affectionate with him either. This type of thing is usually passed down. You need to talk your husband into some counseling, unfortunately with him being a "tough guy" he will say no to that also.
You need to express your concerns to him and let him know that the way he is acting towards your son will make your son resent him when he is older. It is not natural for a father to NOT hug his son. My husband has always been appropriately affectionate with both of out kids, 1 boy 15 and 1 girl 10. To this day my son still hugs his dad, and vice versa, on a daily basis. Your husband especially needs counseling if your son is trying to hug him and he pushes him away. That is complete rejection and he will grow up and hate his father for it.
Also, please don't think that all men are cold-hearted. They are not. Mine has a very soft heart and shows his affection clearly.
I'll be praying for you and your husband.
2007-09-11 18:30:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He definitely has some trouble with the emotion part of things. Men should hug their little sons. When we get older we don't need it from other men most of the time so we don't even crave it. Here's the deal....men have far fewer connections from their "feelings" center of their brain to the vocal center than do women. This is mapped out on brainscans and any psych person will confirm that. Harder for us to express our feelings and it may be due to our having to hunt and fight over the centuries. Your friend gets killed in a battle, you cannot sit there and mourn, you gotta keep going to complete the task at hand....switch it off and deal with it later. Your husband really needs to hug the little guy though, that's totally okay, and positive.
2007-09-11 19:19:58 · answer #4 · answered by David S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's important for you to understand your own emotions. Its unfair to judge men according to your husband behavior. I think you should retract that statement, because my dad is a warm-loving heart person. He's very generous and kind to others. You are given two choices, to love a man who is cold-hearted and unemotional (In which many women wouldn't love a person like him) or you love a man who is emotional and warm hearted. Since you have stated that you love this man, I am to believe that you want him to be more of loving husband and father. Right?
I understand what you are saying. I am not criticizing you, but I want you to understand the choice you had made. He is bless to you in his life...
Your husband behavior is mostly due to how he was raise in his family. His father, and perhaps his father-father was the same way. I honestly don't think its a matter of him as a 'tough man' If your son is upset about this then have your son to stand behind his father without his knowledge, sit next to him, and ask this question.
Do you love your son? Do you care about him? etc...Let your son hear this and then bring your son in front for him to see. Tell the cute 3 year, you dad do love you...God bless
2007-09-11 18:56:51 · answer #5 · answered by tony 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is tough with my sons and he is a good teacher as well. He also shows affection to them by giving them hugs and telling them "I love you son." That's what you call being a father to them.
I believe your husband wasn't shown affection by his father and maybe that's why he is acting the same with his son. It could also be that he never saw his father and mother show affection to one another as well. He is also wrong saying that 'men don't hug other men', it is him that doesn't hug other men and his son.
Your husband is just hurting his son by not showing that he cares and loves him. The son will most likely feel rejected by him in time. He may say that he shows him in his own way, but your son needs to be hugged and needs to hear 'I love you' by his father. Your son also needs to have more time spent with his father. I think that your husband is the way he is because he doesn't know how to show love or express his feelings. You can help him with that. He also may be carrying some baggage from his past that you don't know about.
I would consider on him reading "Bad Childhood, Good Life."
Kids need to feel loved by both parents.
2007-09-11 18:45:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How awful. I would have been sooo mad at him. You have to talk to him. Tell him that your son needs love too. He's a little boy.
2007-09-11 18:45:17 · answer #7 · answered by mamabear 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dad might be worried his son will be gay... but he is going to grow up longing for love from a male missing in his life... not saying he will be gay, but could happen... I know of someone who this is thier story. this is awful for him to do this... men DO hug men!!! why not?
hey- would you help me with a question i just asked? thanks
2007-09-11 19:27:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
my father was the same way......I think his dad kinda hurt him and never pulled him close.....I think my dad at the end wanted to hug me but couldn't.....i don't think your h/b can.
better tell him sons need love and when their little look up to their dads..........cats in the craddle baby.......tell him dam it.
2007-09-11 19:29:35 · answer #9 · answered by Smith & Jones 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He probably thinks that hugging him will turn him Gay or something.....sometimes, no hugging him will cause a son to become Gay....
Glen
2007-09-11 18:37:58 · answer #10 · answered by Glen 2 · 2⤊ 5⤋