If someone shows up to your wedding un-invited and you didn't want them there?

Question

what would you do? and you strickly had a guest list..If you were to have someone be at the door and let people in -only on the guest list who would you have to do that? I am thinking about doing that for my wedding b'cuz my family-mom/sisters/etc. are inviting people i don't want at my wedding and not on the list.

MY FIANCE AND I ARE PAYING FOR JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING...the only thing my mom bought was the $400 cake

Answer 1

First, I would tell the family that since they were inviting people against my wishes I was being forced to take drastic measures to keep un-invited guests out! Let them wonder what you mean; let them worry about "their" guests being turned away. They might tell the guests this & some may not come after all.

A little closer to the wedding, let it slip that you have hired an off-duty police officer and a coordinator to check off names at he door, and no un-invited guests will be admitted.

Probably, they will not want to put "their" guests through this, and will tell them they can't come after all.

If they give you grief, tell them that the hosts of the wedding are the ones paying for it; since they aren't paying for it, they are not the hosts & therefore don't get to make the guest list. Tough if it causes them embarrassment-they shouldn't have taken it upon themselves to invite these people!

You can actually use a friend as a "coordinator" for the day, just make sure they are a very trusted, outgoing person & won't take any crap! The off duty cops are usually about $100-200 for a few hours; they always need money!

Answer 2

Two alternatives? I would have a security guard at the door.
Or . . .
I would cancel the present plans, and start planning an elopement.

I really think you need to confront your family. If you don't rein them in now, they have the potential to ruin your marriage . . . not just the wedding. If they are not paying for the wedding, then they have only a limited say in the guest list.

As in, "Mom, you can invite only 30 people. The others you have to call. You must tell them they cannot attend the wedding. We have limited space and a limited budget. You have overstepped your authority here, and now you must fix this problem you created."

With family like this, you might consider a surprise wedding. Like call the family (and a few guests) on Wednesday saying, "We are having an engagement party at our place on Saturday evening." Then when they get there on Saturday, surprise them with an officiant and a wedding!

Answer 3

Post the list to all the ones you want to come and tell them that only the people on this list will ab admitted and all others will be turned away.

There are times when people do have to know just where ou stand. This is a good way to help prevent many problems in the future.

Your to be has to adhere to this as well.

Hire a big fellow to take care of the door. Big and ugly does not hurt. You or another that knows the people on the list will have to be there as well.

You will be starting a new way of life and this is a good time to let people know you are in charge of your life and not the family.

Answer 4

Talk to your friends and family...let them know that you've already sent out invitations that correspond with the number of people that the room can hold. Additionally, tell them that the cost for them to invite additional people will be X dollars per person and that you will take cash only for these extra people. I'll bet they will start to keep their mouths shut.

You can also have a sort of "bouncer" at your wedding to hold entries to the guest list. Optionally you could provide a "ticket" with your invitation to be presented at the door. Anyone without a ticket will be turned away. You can always blame the reception hall and state that it is a requirement on their part or in your contract.

Answer 5

You need to have a serious talk with your family about these invitations and head off this whole situation. Especially if you're serving a meal, you can't have people just wandering in. Stress that you're glad they're happy and eager to be involved. But also explain why you need to have only the people on the list. Tell them they need to talk to the people they invited and tell them to explain the situation tactfully.

If you're still worrying about having extras, appoint one person, maybe an ultra tactful bridesmaid?, to keep track of who's there. Make a plan. Can you set up a table for stragglers with minimal or no food? Can you squeeze in a few extras? Are there people you're so adamant about keeping out that you need a groomsmen to escort them out? Thing carefully about that one. You want to reserve those honors for people like your fiance's alcoholic ex-gf who'll throw her panties at the wedding cake or something. Because there's no need to be ungracious or to make a big tacky scene.

And speaking of tacky. Don't have a doorman at your wedding. It's not a night club. People have come to celebrate with you, not queue up while someone assesses whether they're "on the list." Yech.

Answer 6

If your cermony is at a different location then the reception, then letting them in should not interfer with anything, right? If not or when the reception comes along, have your ushers, or groomsmen direct people to their tables. When people who are not on the guest list come, have them stand off to the side, because 'sorry your not on the list'. After everyone has arrived, if there is extra seating that is already payed for avaliable let them have at it. But whatever you do, don't get involved. That is not your job on this day. Have someone else tell them that there is no room, or how sorry they are.

Answer 7

Are they inviting them verbally or sending them a formal invitation? You need to let your family know that they will have to un-invite the verbal invitations. If you allowed them formal ones to do with what they wanted, then you are stuck with who they invited. You can have groomsmen take turns standing at the door or have a few trusted and invited relatives to stand guard and politely turn away uninvited guests.
Think about how this will affect your relationship with your mom and sisters and make sure it is worth not having the few people they have asked to attend.

Answer 8

And you can't work this out with your family? Who is paying for the wedding? Is this that important to you that the people they want to come are not present? Is it important enough to risk your relationship with or hurt your families feelings?

Sounds like a huge communication problem here and it's a shame that people not only have to be embarrassed at the door but that your wedding is going to turn into a real dramatic event simply because you and your family can't get it together.

Answer 9

You need to tell them straight up they don't invite people to your wedding, only you and the groom to be have that privilege.

Remember, you can't exactly assign the task of putting someone to the door. Everyone who comes will not have their invitation with them.

Explain to your family the uncomfortableness that they are creating. They'll see it your way, if not right away in time, and respect your wishes.

When it comes to that day, you will probably not get to talk to everyone you invite. If someone sneaks in on you, unless they toss an invited guest out of their seat - you'll never know.

Answer 10

You could ask a friend or family member to check names at the door but you should definitely tell your family what you are going to do before the people they invite show up and are turned away. That way they are warned ahead of time.