Help me! I can't get this girl out of my head!?

Question

First of all, this is not just a momentary crush. This has been an issue for me for for over five years now.

Second, I'd like to admit I was a romantic idiot. In high school, I was completely inexperienced in relationships. I had a crush on one of my good friends that eventually grew into something more. I think I may have exaggerated it in my own mind; I wrote her some really serious letters confessing my feelings. I don't remember exactly what I wrote. We hung out together a little bit after high school, having lunch together and stuff. I finally got up the nerve to ask her out, and she turned me down. We grew apart after that, but we remained friends. I've seen her only once in the past year.

Half a decade later, and I still can't get her out of my head. It's not deliberate at all. But I have recurring dreams and I miss her very, very much. I feel that if I can't resolve this in my mind, it's going to affect my mental health and/or future relationships.

What can I do?

I just wanted to add that I really do regret writing those letters. I understand I undoubtedly put her in a really awkward position. At the same time, I was a totally inexperienced kid in high school. I tried to seek what counsel I could at the time. I feel bad about it, but really, cut me a break.

If I did contact her, obviously I'd love a second chance. But that's not the point. More than anything, I feel like apologizing for my actions and knowing her side of the story would be helpful for me getting past the mental block in my head.

Answer 1

You should try to get into contact with her. It's obvious that these feelings are not going to go away. They are nagging at you, beckoning you, telling you to do something about it -- so why don't you listen to them? Try to find out if she's still in town, or even if you could call her? Facebook her? Anything. She has to be on some form of communication with you that you rarely use... Something!

Once you do, confront her. Talk to her. Ask her how she is. You know, reestablish things like where's she at in her life, and what she's been up to. Keep eye contact. Then, when the time is right, tell her how you feel about her. Tell her with your heart. Explain to her that you never fully got over her and you have always thought about her. Don't scare her; if she's a kind girl, she will understand. Hopefully she won't have a boyfriend, so you can do this successfully.

You sound like a nice guy, so I hope it works. Good luck, and I hope things go well for you!

Answer 2

We always want what we can't have. If she had said sure, you probably wouldn't be thinking about her now.

It seems it isn't exactly her that you want but the emotion you attach to her memory. Maybe you are just clinging to the hope of redemption after rejection. You should really figure out exactly what it is that brings you back to that place and try to resolve that. No-one can really help you do that or tell you how to do that. Everyone deals with situations differently. You need to do some soul searching and just get over it and if you want it to be in your past badly enough, it will be.

Answer 3

wow... i've had a certain someone that i've had feelings for over the last five years too. except when i told him i liked him, he told me not to think about him like that and i we remained friends... now as for your situation... you should try to contact her and say that you want to hang out more as just friends. and if things still dont work out, you have no choice but to try to move on because it's not healthy to live in the past. also, if it's not going to grow into a relationship and she's keeping her distance as a friend... you dont deserve that pain. you should try to find someone wants a "romantic idiot" as you said. lol. also... she may have found it awkward that you wrote her such strong letters. i mean how would you feel if someone wrote you letters like that and you didnt have feelings for them??? the trick is to not come on too strong. and make sure you find someone that likes you back. i know it's easier said than done, but dont let these things discourage you. if you keep your eyes open you'll find someone eventually. so... i guess the whole point is to move on [if she's still not interested of course]. you'll be happier once you do.

Answer 4

Dizamn.. a case of puppy love. The reason you want her still, after all these years is because you were never able to have her. If you had her back in HS, she wouldn't be in your dreams as much. It's all good tho - see where she's at - see if she's single and down to mingle. Take her out to a nice resturaunt, with flowers and some chivalry. Then take her to a cafe somewhere with a nice view, and spit game at her. If she dont catch it, then you out of luck bud.

Also, you hit the friend zone with her. Once you go into that, its hard to go back to game spitting booty callin status.

Answer 5

The best thing you can do is move on with your life. If she is not interested in you then just thinking about it will not help. If she sees that you have moved on she would find you more attractive. Also, you didnt have to grow apart, you can probably still reconnect and if she sees something different she might reconsider. You might also wanna try reading some self-help books on moving on, or picking up girls and the like.

Answer 6

Oh snaps, thats pretty tough. I would say go night out with the boys and get drunk at a party, hit on some random hot girls, but... you seem pretty set on this girl. try getting in touch with her again. tell her that you want to be just friends but you feel guilty because you want her for something more, and you have always felt this way, but she is too great of a person to not have in your life, so you are cool being just friends if thats what she wants.

Answer 7

You need to move on man. The reason you haven't gotten over her is becoz you haven't found another girl. I used to do the same stupid things that you wrote, and girls hate that. You need to put yourself out there and see what other girls are like.
I too got over a girl in 5 years, so I know the feeling.

Answer 8

This is soooo cuuute *tears*. :P You seem to like her very much (even with all this time...). Have you not met anyone else since her?? There's a whole lot going on out there in the dating world that you're not being exposed to. Try and go on a few dates and see if you can find anyone, maybe?

Love,
Mary

Answer 9

Well, look what you said " I finally got up the nerve to ask her out, and she turned me down" Maybey rejection is causing you to feel this way. Go to a bar or hang out with your friends and meet a women that you are seeking.

Answer 10

Get her number and ask her to lunch! Try being friends like before but this time when u ask her out she could say yes! U never know whats gonna happen unless u try! if u need anymore advice e-mail me!

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