How can I tell her I dont want a realationship w/ her?

Question

I met this girl on an on-line dating service , and over the course of a month we were talking on the phone a lot and went out a few times. We connect on every level and are very compatable. I knew right away I wasnt overly attracted to her but since all of my past girlfriends were really attractive and they didnt work out, I figured i'd go for the compatability thing. Well, now we've slept together once and she calls & texts me all the time and is making all sorts of plans for us. I really dont know how to handle this, she is super sweet and I know she has fallen for me & I dont want to hurt her. I could probably deal with not being totally physically attracted to her, but I really didnt enjoy the sex. And just so you know, I didnt initiate the sex, but I didnt do anything to say no. Im in my 30's and am triing to have a cautious approach to a realationship, im not triing to play games or sleep around, I just wanted to know all about it. Its not what I want. How can I not hurt her now?

Answer 1

I went through a similiar situation, although it didn't make it to the physical level. It was difficult because I really liked the guy, but there were just no sparks! And that's what I told him-
" I really wanted this to work because I like you alot, but the sparks to make this a relationship just aren't there for me. I wish it was different, and I'm sorry if this hurts you, but I won't pretend to feel something that isn't there."
It will hurt her, but better to do it now than down the line when she is even more attached to you. If you can't say it to her face, email her. Allow a response and answer her but don't let it linger on too long.
Good luck to you in this hard situation.

Answer 2

Ok the big mistake was you knew right away you weren't overly attracted to her... you tried to be logical about it and say " well, we are compatible every other way" ...and unfortunately chemistry just doesn't work that way.
You need to be honest with her..and be prepared for a bad reaction to your news. She is going to feel rejected and probably very upset you led her on ( you may not think you led her on but you did because you knew something was wrong yet you continued to get deeper into it)
Just be with honest with her. You would be doing her a huge disservice if you continued to be with her when she could be with someone who really likes and is attracted to ALL of her.
Same goes for you.. you deserve to be physically attracted to the person you decide to have a relationship with.. you don't need to sacrifice one thing for another. Just be patient...
But please..comming from another girl who has been in pretty much the same situation. It will hurt, she will cry.. it will become messy.. but it is necessary.

Answer 3

Dont let the relationship go any farther because the long your with her the more it will hurt
Unfortunately you will hurt her whether you want to or not if she has already fallen for you
You need to let her know your just not ready for something serious with her right now let her know you still care a lot about her but it doesnt the relationship doesnt have what your looking for .
Let her down easy
she will feel angry and hurt unfortunately but there isnt much you can do
stopping it now is helping her more then hurting her

Answer 4

Hello there sweety
After reading the first part of your question I wanted to kick your butt....lol.but I read the whole thing and I respect you for caring enough to ask for advice.You sound like a decent man who met a female friend and succumbed to the baser needs and unfortunately ended up in the mess your in.You really need to just be upfront with her and let her down easy but be firm.Tell her it was a moment of weakness and that your sorry that you do not feel ready enough to get back into a relationship with anybody.not just her.If she is a stable lady,she'll be hurt but understand,but if she is a wacko....well?.I suggest you run fast and run hard because I just talked to a man who has a stalker after one date with NO sex and he already moved twice...Good luck darlin and I hope all goes well for both you and her.:-}

Answer 5

It's better to get out of it now rather than waiting down the road when you are in a deeper relationship and trying to break it off then. It doesn't sound like it is going anywhere, so just do what you can now to avoid more pain for her (and you) later.

Answer 6

if u do not like her enough, you should just tell her plainly.
There is no use building a pretty image for her if you do not mean it, in the end, she is gonna be hurt more. and there is no easy or a less-hurtful way of telling.
you can't force love anyway.
wat's not good enough for you maybe smething realli great to another. i dun think this girl needs any charity on your part.
honesty is e only way that you shud go.

Answer 7

Hi..
No matter what you say to her. Unfortunately, it's still going to hurt her..
Just tell her, you not really for a commitment right now.
And that you would like to remain friends.
And leave it at that..
PS..Whether you initiated the sex with her or not..you still had sex with her..You're in your 30s,you should know what you're doing by now..
Take Care!

Answer 8

I am sure you know all the mistakes you made. How cautious were you when you decided to have sex.? None if you ask me. Let this be a lesson..Women do connect fast when it becomes sexual. My dear you will hurt her, end it now. Let this be a lesson for you Ok? Good luck...

Answer 9

I respect this, you aren't being critical, you can't help that you aren't physically attracted to her. Honestly, you need to just tell her. Let her know it isn't what you want. It will be hard, and you are going to have to hurt her a little. But the longer you postpone it, the more it will hurt... Good luck !

Answer 10

well now, there is no way you arent going to hurt her especially if youve slept with her. just let her down easy and tell her that you dont think it will work out. she will be hurt, but not as bad as if you tell her you got another gf or whatever else you can think of. . . . . good luck