We've recently moved to a new, much smaller city so that my husband can complete his Bachelor's Degree. The city's population is predominantly Caucasian & Christian. We are African Americans of the Islamic faith.
My daughter is a very social girl (pre-teen). She's made many friends in our neighborhood, but not at school (she's in middle school & the children in our neighborhood are either in elementary or in high school--so none of her schoolmates are neighbors of ours).
Being a small town, everyone seems to know everyone and cliques have long been formed. My daughter is being left out. She tries & tries, with no avail, to make friends. She's never had this problem before. She's a SWEETHEART & everyone always LOVES HER!! Honestly, she's TOO nice--the people pleaser type.
The only time they let her with them is when they wish to be cruel. They make her the butt of every joke & they cheat to make her lose & they mock her & completely ignore her when she speaks to them! How can I help
She ends up quitting & "takes a walk" so they won't see her cry. Now they won't let her play at all. This has happened a few times already & it's just the 5th day of school! She cries every day as she walks alone (she doesn't let them see her cry). And she fights back tears on the bus & during breakfast because no one will sit with her. Please, any advice would be wonderful. How can I help her?
Also, she gets dirty looks & stares al the time. She really wants to be accepted. She's always been that way. I wish it wasn't so. If it were me, I'd ignore 'em and go about my business. But then again, I'm the rare type who can easily enjoy her own company if it were to come down to that.
2007-09-11 16:46:58 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I'm so sorry that this has to happen. If it is tearing you apart, I can only imagine how she feels. Kids always find a way to be cruel, but you shouldn't have to put up with it. Neither should she.
Go talk to the principal. If that doesn't work, go to the board of education. My mom always said that a squeaky wheel gets the grease. Bug the heck out of them until they do something.
Of course, you can't really 'force' kids to be nice. A teacher can lecture them, but they can't always see what happens when their backs are turned.
If it's traumatizing her that much, I would really consider homeschooling if you could possibly swing it. And if it really had to come down to it - her living with a relative for a while and going to a different school may also help.
It's good that she is strong and trying so hard to deal with it. I know she's your daughter, but I'm still proud of her. After only a day in my new highschool, I was in tears and ready to drop out.
Telling her to just get over it probably isn't the best idea. Nobody deserves to be constantly subjected to the emotional stress that she must be going through. Those kids are being cruel, and people are obviously turning a blind eye.
Talk to the board of education, and find out all your options.
I hope that some good comes out of it, and I wish you both the best.
2007-09-11 17:45:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out if she is a victim of bullying, and go talk to the principal of the school. It should not be allowed.
Whowever said that you should invite some kids over to your house had a good idea. It could be the kids she already knows, and it could be just a small party. Talk travels fast in a small town, and if the kids are treated well, and have a good time, their parents will spread the word. And your daughter will feel less alone, better a younger or older friend, than none.
Meanwhile, hopefully, the teasing and mocking will lessen, and go away. Kids tend to treat new kids to a trial period of nastiness, then let up when it is seen that they can't get to the victim.
At school, Have her stay within a teacher's site as much as posible, maybe sit next to the teacher who is in charge of the cafeteria during lunch, or linger in a classroom leaving just with enough time left to get to her next class. [and be subtle with this, or the other kids will figure it out.]And if the teachers are hearing the other kids do the teasing, and doing nothing about it, time for the principal again!
Teach her to enjoy her own company, keep a straight face, teach her about ignorance and fear. And teach her tolerance. Sorry, but 911 and the war in the middle east and the terroism has made us all suspicious, and scared. Teach your daughter tolerance for our fears .Unfortunately, fear breeds discrimination and hatred. Some people must be shown that not everyone of the Islamic faith is a terrorist. By living quietly, and practicing your faith, they will get it that you are not a threat.
How are you and your husband doing with the community, same thing?
Eventually, she will make friends.
Good luck to you all.
2007-09-11 17:48:14 · answer #2 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My family moved to a small town from a big city, and we are not the majority faith of the town we now call home. I have had a great deal of luck talking to school staff about anti bulling programs that now run school wide.
If there is a reading group you can join to meet people on equal grouped that is worth a try too. Getting to know the parents can do wonders for how kids act around your child too!
Try inviting one or two classmates to your house for the evening, then when your daughter us invited out for the evening be sure that the hosting parents know you have a zero bulling tolerance.
My son's and my daughter have joined in sports activities to get to know kids better. After kids have been team mates they are less likely to bully each other.
Where faith is an issue pray as your faith demands and the people solid in their own faith will respect your whole family for it. Those who do not are still emotionally children.
Like you I enjoy my own company, and if anyone in town does speak to me it is when I am walking my dog! lol
2007-09-11 17:04:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a crucial time in her life. You can either help her to learn how to ignore this or baby her and end up with an emotional cripple. Let's face it, prejudice is ugly but since 9/11 people are scared. And fear breeds intolerance and hatred.
It's gonna be hard, but she is gonna deal with this stuff for a long time and maybe even the rest of her life. Teach her to love others, ignore the BS and be herself. Eventually, someone will see her for who she really is and she will make friends. It takes a long time sometimes. Sorry she is going through this, I know it hurts when our loved ones suffer.
2007-09-11 16:59:21 · answer #4 · answered by James Watkin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the city's population was really predominantly Christian they wouldn't treat her that way. Find some way to get the school to make the parents of the bullies take mandatory parenting classes so they do a better job raising their kids.
2007-09-11 17:10:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say your of the islamic faith, well thats fine but i hope your not making her wear a burka or anything that sticks out that says im diffferent.. its fine for you but for kids her age other children can be cruel. I think everything will work out she has only been going there for about a week some times it takes time for new people to settle in especially a smalll town
2007-09-11 17:03:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
What to do about this situation depends on what they are saying to her...is it because she's African American? Is it because she's of the Islamic faith? Is it because she's prettier or smarter than everyone else? Does she dress different from the other kids? There's not enough information to answer your question...there are too many variables.
2007-09-11 17:00:16 · answer #7 · answered by DeborahDel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
grow to be peers w/ the nieghbour hood peeps. i dont understand anybody at my college, however i am peers w/ each person in my small 'hood i too are living in a small the city (not up to 8k populace) (so much gurls at my college are unsightly too, makes college suck)
2016-09-05 11:05:28 · answer #8 · answered by cloughly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to the principle bout it, it might be the racist. have u looked into homeschooling if its that bad maybe thats an optiion
sorry to hear about that problem though
2007-09-11 16:55:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋