What do you think of a 17 year old moving out?

Question

I am 17 years old. I live with my mom and sister. My parents recently got a divorce and i suffered from being in the middle of it. I don't have a relationship with my father anymore and my mother moved me away from my friends and loved ones to a city where i know no one and it is my last year of high school. Since I am 17 I am legally allowed to move out at this point and I am miserable living here. My mother doesn't do much real mothering she's just kind of there to complain to me sometimes, but other than that I'm pretty much independent. My boyfriend is 20 [yes my mother knows he is 20] and I have been with him for two years. He has two jobs and makes good money and offered to let me live with him. Would that be ridiculous of me?

as i said before, I'm not sure if I am the only one who has read the laws in my state, but it IS legal for me to move out at the age of 17.

also i plan on going to college as well and the university i want to attend is closer to where he lives than where my mother lives. I am not dumb, i am unhappy and depressed, the only way i can see to solve it is to do what i have to do to be happy and productive. I'm so miserable here that it is ruining my life. My sister is 20.

i think i should include more information on this because people are making false judgements. I've already made my decision. Right now i am weighing the pros and cons. I will not grow up to be a stripper, and i have already thought about the fact that if me and my boyfriend split, my brother also said i could live with him and my mom said if things don't work out i can come home as well. I don't see anything wrong with it, i am looking to see if there is something i overlooked.

Answer 1

I think you you have to understand mom first. She has just been through a rough ordeal. I think if you feel that you need to get out of the toxic environment, then by all means do. You moving out does not mean you quitting school. It means, you get out of the toxic environment you are in and look at things in your families life from an outside point of view. Stay in school, continue your education beyond high school. If you have a good man, stick with him, and you will go far. Stay close with your mom. but not so close that you have to be stuck in her misery. Have empathy for her, LOVE HER, like she does YOU. Create your own life. Have goals and dreams you want to accomplish and do JUST THAT.

Answer 2

There are several roads you can take at this time. The first is to hang in there for a few more months and then go to college. If I were you I'd pick this road, you can go to a college in a town where you're comfortable.
The second road is to move in with your boyfriend. You will be lonely there too because if he's working two jobs, I assume he's not home much.
If you simply cannot continue to live with your mother, perhaps a few months at the boyfriends while you prepare for college might work. Check your state laws to find the age for living together before you make the move.
17 is awfully young to do the housewife thing, although your bf sounds mature, he's still young also, the adjustment period might either make or break the relationship.
I'd rather see you hang in there with your Mom for a couple of months and then go to college to increase your income earning potential so that you can make it on your owm someday if you have to.
Also, ask yourself if you're ready to be a wife and mother because that's what living with your bf will most likely turn into sooner than later. Or do you want to be a co-ed in a college situation where you are meeting new people and learning new things while preparing for life.
Please don't be so angry with your mother that you make hasty decisions that you might live to regret. It's easy to get into some situations and difficult to get out of them. Take your time.
Wishing you the best!

Answer 3

Hi ! 17 they say is sweet ! But in your case, it is probably spewing-up some biterness.

Well the real issue should be NOT whether it is legal to move out at 17, but the real issue SHOULD BE, whether it is the right time for you to move out.

Firstly, u have had not-so-good environment at home. This has had an impact on you, your thinking & your perception of life.

Going out of the house if like burning the house because of a RAT in the house. No that is not wise. There can be no better place for you than your home NOW. Yes NOW, though your mother & other circumstances causes you a lot of heartache & depression, still you need to LEARN THE ART of Living.

You should use the next couple of years to learn valuable attributes like Patience, long suffering, kindness, goodness etc. These will mould your personality so that you will make a success of YOUR FAMILY life tommorrow.

The world outside home is worse. It is a hard life out there. Money is not the ONLY thing that matters, though it is important. HENCE MY SUGGESTION WOULD BE STAY AT HOME FOR THE TIME BEING.

Moreover, think of your mother ! She is what she is now not intentionally. Her bitter experience with her mate is causing her to react like that in life.

SHE NEEDS YOU NOW MORE THAN YOU NEEDING HER.

Yes, when you were a child you needed her. Now when she is going through a bad patch in life, needs her children for moral & tempermental support. PLEASE BE THERE. Life is not just getting something........many a times it involves GIVING as well....... GIVE NOW AND YOU WILL GET IT BACK TOMMORROW.

DO NOT JUMP INTO THE FURNANCE BECAUSE THE FRYING PAN IS HOT.

May the Almighty help you.


Pl. Forgive me if i have hurt you

Regards

Nithy

Answer 4

In your shoes, my agenda would change a bit. 1. Counseling for why I'm not happy about this new area I've been thrusted into and for the parents getting divorced. 2. Finish HS. Living with boyfriend and finishing HS doesn't work. It'll be too easy to forget being responsible for getting that diploma. If you don't get the diploma, you will be regretting it down the road in your life. 3. When HS is over, and if BF still wants to be together, a far more stable time to be moving out and stepping into the new you.
Above all, don't make any decisions until you get counseling for yourself. Your parents splitting up isn't your fault and you shouldn't feel that you are. The new living arrangement doesn't mean they love you less or that they don't love you at all. It sounds to me that your Mom could be depressed too. It had to have been hard for her too. Perhaps she's feeling that she's failed you in some way and needs reassurance too. I'm not going to make excuses for your parents but jumping ship now might do more harm than good. Especially if there's no fire in the gally

Answer 5

IF your mom just went through a divorce then she is having a tuff time of it herself and maybe that is part of the reason she has less time for you as you say. I feel for you being a senior in a strange school but you do have a boyfriend so you are not totally alone.
Your boy friend would of course end up telling you to get a job too and I wondered if you were working now. You should be if you are seventeen.
I do not think it is a good idea for you to just move in with this guy.
There is no commitment when you do this. He could get angry with you and kick you out and then you would just move back home.
I think every young girl should have some freedom after she gets out of school and do what you might want to do. You know get a job and feel free. If you move in with this guy it is only someone else telling you what to do before long. YOu don't need that. What you need is to graduate out of school and get a job and go get your own place or share it with another gal and have some freedom before having a guy to tell you what to do. Believe me he will too. It is like so many girls do. They get out of school and move out from mom and dad and marry right away. They never have a chance to be their own boss. I think every girl should have that chance. I wish I could have had it!

Answer 6

IF you live in the US….

There is no state where a 17-year-old is allowed to leave home without parental permission unless they’ve been emancipated in some manner, such as marriage (which requires parental consent) or court decree (which is rarely granted in any state).

You said: “ I'm not sure if I am the only one who has read the laws in my state, but it IS legal for me to move out at the age of 17”

Well, since you failed to say what state you live in, there is no way to know if anyone has read the laws in your state. But SHOW me a law that says you can leave home at 17 without parental permission/being emancipated. You can’t, because such a law does not exist in any state. I don’t know what laws you're reading, but I can promise you that you are interpreting them incorrectly. Possibly you’re viewing the laws regarding the age at which a minor can be charged as an adult if they commit a crime? If so, that’s a totally different issue. Just because you can be charged as an adult does not mean you have the rights of an adult. Your custodial parent has the legal right to determine where you live until you turn 18, unless you've been emancipated (and no judge will emancipate a minor so she can go live with her boyfriend).


EDITED TO ADD THIS:

Here’s ONE of the things that you’ve overlooked….the consequences Boyfriend will face. You leave home without permission. Mom reports you as a runaway. The police pick you up and send you back home (again, because it’s not legal in any state). Because Boyfriend assisted you/harbored you, he’s now facing charges. And because you’ve crossed state lines, it’s FEDERAL charges (=big trouble) as opposed to just state charges. Don’t put him in that position.

Here’s another thing you’ve overlooked…even if Mom doesn’t report you, a minor cannot enroll themselves in school. Only a custodial parent/legal guardian can do that (and no, boyfriend can’t become your legal guardian), so you can forget graduating.

There are other possible issues too, depending on the laws of the state. For example, if it’s a state where the age of sexual consent is 18…no one will believe you’re living with boyfriend and it’s all ‘innocent’

Answer 7

YES! I'm assuming that you are still in HS. Get in touch with
your guidance counsellor! NOW!! Tell him/her that you are
having a rough go about it and that you need help. There are
scholarships that can help you into some sort of college-
decide what you want to do with YOUR life.

Otherwise, I'm afraid you'll just end up with a dead-end
boyfriend and kids. What will you do then? Keep your
options open. Get into photography or writing. Everyone
has a story in them.

GO BACK TO SCHOOL. What do you both have to offer
any kids at this point. You are using some kind of
contraceptive. Right???

Listen, you could be the next Meryl Streep. Or you could
be the next name on the police blotter. It's totally up to you.
Don't have kids until you are 30- by then you will know which
route you have chosen. It's not easy for kids of a divorce.

Read "Gift from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindergh. So
soothing and beautiful. And listen to your favorite music-
whether it be Fergie or U2. Colplay or Beyoncee. Just hang
in there. Realize there is beauty beyond belief in this world
and that you can contribute. Help with Habitat from Humanity.
Look at the newborns in the hospital or talk with the
Alzheimer patients who can't remember a danged thing.

I wish I knew then what I know now. I loved being 24- and
you are not even there yet. Married at 27- had my first
baby at 31. It all fell into place. Pray. Follow your true heart
and never, never let a man tell you who YOU are. Great luck.

Answer 8

I raised two daughters as a single mother, and
my daughter moved away (nearly one thousand miles away) when she was 17. It was absolute hell on me. It was hard because I was so selfish. She grew up to be a magnificent woman - without my help.

But I raised her to be independent, stubborn and strong. Sounds quite a bit like you.

BUT - imho - moving in with a boyfriend is the dumbest thing you could do. What the heck kind of independence is that? Geez - you can't even establish for yourself the person that you have become or want to become.

See if you can find a better living arrangement - female or gay roommates (that's what my daughter did). Or - try to find a job with room and board features - like being a nanny or a housesitter. For your first two years - focus on finding out who you are and making yourself valuable for yourself.

Otherwise, the whole independence-at-17-thing could create a very not so valuable result.

Best wishes -

Answer 9

Do you have the money for a bond, rent money, pay electricity, pay telephone,furniture etc.What about a job and still be able to go to school. Yes that would be ridiculous of you. He is interested in one thing.Your real excuse is that you want to live your boyfriend, FINISH YOUR EDUCATION. Other wise there could be a baby then you will be stuck renting a home for the rest of your life instead of doing wonderful things like traveling, well paid job so you can buy nice home, car(s) pay bills on time. It is call survival.Follow your dreams when you get old enough you are still a baby., You haven't experienced life yet, if you and your boyfriend are still together do stuff that you both dream of doing then live together after you finish your EDUCATION

Answer 10

If moving out will make you feel better, then do it. But few points to note:
1. U got to have a heart to heart talk with your mum and sister about how you feel about the divorce and why you want to move out. U should also try to understand why your mum made those discussion. Did she asked for opinion from you and your sisters? How does your sister feel? What will happen to your mum if both you and your sister chose to move out? Did you give your mum a chance to tell you and your sister how she feel about the ordeal too?

2. Your boyfriend parent must be supportive of you moving in with them. Both of you are still young and the future is still not clear whether both of you will be together. But I believe if you guys are able to shown that kind of mature trust, love, believe and respect for one another. Others would be able to see the sincerity from both of you and eventually accepts both as a couple although the journey will be tough. Only then, I agree staying together is OK.

Answer 11

It is all up to you. Take some time to think about your values and priorities. The things that are most important to you. Think about what you want in terms of your future. And also think of the consequences of making premature decisions. I have known people that moved out too early, or had a family too early. Later on in life, they came to regret their decisions and wished that they hadn't rushed into things so quickly. It';s not like that in every case, but honestly, the majority is like that. I can understand how you feel because my parents are separated too, and sometimes you just feel like you are stuck in the middle of it all. This may confuse you and make you want to just leave the whole mess behind. But think of your mother. After all, she is your mother. There were times and there are times when my mother totally gets on my nerves and seems to be condemning and complaining about me all the time. But I know that she cares and she only wants whats best for me. I would say just wait another year or two and see where things take you. But, really just trust your own instincts. Its all up to you.